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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think about taking pram on the bus?

74 replies

Busterbuster · 23/09/2024 13:53

So I’m most likely being over sensitive to this but I just can’t quite get over it. I’m not good with confrontation what do ever so feel like I just need a bit of a rant if anything.

Unfortunately I can’t drive and due to living in a semi rural area I have to use the bus that runs through our village quite often. I get quite anxious doing this and so have actually bought a pram that folds down tiny in one for periods where I may need to put the pram down for the bus if it’s busy. I had an appointment at the doctors this morning which isn’t in our village and is 25 minutes down an A road (just looked on maps and it says it would actually take 2 hours 45 minutes to walk there), so obviously this is something I had to get the bus for so headed to the bus stop with my son in his pram. It was pouring down with rain so went to wait under the shelter where another woman was sat who was quite a bit older and had a zimmer frame style of walker so it was clear she struggled with her mobility. She then started speaking under her breath but loud enough for me to hear her ‘all these prams getting on busses nowadays, mums aren’t like they used to be’. Normally I’d of stayed quiet but I was already have a crappy morning so I just replied ‘am I supposed to walk all the way to Weston (where the gp was) in this pouring down rain with a toddler?’ And she just said to me that ‘mums used to walk everywhere back in my day, and you’ll be using the priority seating yet it says nothing about prams on there so you shouldn’t be allowed’. Bare in mind that the busses that time of day are always so quiet with no one on there which is why I was going a little earlier to make sure I got the quieter bus. I told her that if anyone ever needed the space then I would always give it up and she just laughed at me and told me to stop lying. I then ended having to walk off and miss the bus because I could feel myself getting upset, I HATE confrontation and I just felt like all I did was turn up at the bus stop to use the bus? I’m always so respectful of everyone, I would always give my seat up on the bus and for her to just laugh at me saying I was lying when I said that really struck a nerve. I’ve seen her around the village before and if we’ve ever been on the same path I’ve always pulled in with my pram and waited for her to pass and not once would she ever acknowledge me nor say thank you. I’m friends with so many people in the village and regularly stop to chat to the older folk who I love speaking with. From her point of view I appreciate that if she’s experienced it in the past with people being unfair in terms of spacing on the busses with her mobility issues, then she understandably deserves the right of way as prams can fold down. I’d never argue that, but just the way she completely tarred me with the same brush when I am completely the opposite of that, really struck a nerve!!! And actually had me in tears on the way home, luckily one of my friends took me to my appointment in the end so I didn’t miss it but I just feel like she’s now shattered any confidence I had to get the bus.

OP posts:
Penguinmouse · 23/09/2024 13:57

She sounds like a fucking bitch. You absolutely have the right to use the bus, at least you actually pay for it too. There is a space for prams, the only rule is that you must move for a wheelchair and she’s not in a wheelchair. You’ve got a pram that folds too. I’m sorry she’s damaged your confidence but she sounds like a whiny old bat who has nothing going on in her life.

Cheshireflamingo · 23/09/2024 13:58

What a nasty woman! Of course you should be on the bus with your pram, and of course people have been doing so for years. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I remember how much planning I used to do before taking my kids out in their prams.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 23/09/2024 13:58

Honestly? She sounds like a complete cow.

"Mums aren't like they used to be"? Just fuck off.

BrokenSushiLook · 23/09/2024 13:59

You weren't doing anything wrong. Have the confidence to know when an interfering busybody is in the wrong you don't need their good opinion. You are fine.

You are very sensible to have a folding pram an have every right to take it on the bus. The idea that you should avoid using the bus and walk for nearly 3 hours instead is ridiculous.

Obviously there are people who act selfishly on buses with big prams that don't fold and who don't make room for passengers with mobility needs. You are not one of them.

Grumbling woman has no power over you.

ThinkingUpsideDown · 23/09/2024 13:59

I HATE confrontation too, but in that situation, I would have been tempted to say "fuck off".

Anywherebuthere · 23/09/2024 14:01

Next time get on the bus with the pram. Don't let anyone's comments get to you. And don't explain yourself to anyone either.

A pram on the bus is a non-issue.

Lalaloveya · 23/09/2024 14:01

She sounds like a horrible woman, especially her comment about lying. You're as entitled to use the bus as she is, and so is your child. I hope she doesn't put you off in future. Just remember that she is being completely unreasonable and you aren't doing anything wrong.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/09/2024 14:02

As pp has said she was being a total bitch take no notice. Please try and grow a thicker skin because you're going to get comments all the time about one thing or another when you are a parent and for your own mental health you have to learn to let it slide over you. Is this your first baby how old are they x

MotherWol · 23/09/2024 14:02

It sounds like she's just grouchy; you're just as entitled to use the bus as any other passenger, and it sounds like you've already thought about what you'd do if the bus was busy. You won't win her over so don't engage with her. So what if she thinks buggies don't belong on the bus? It really doesn't matter what she thinks!

Busterbuster · 23/09/2024 14:02

Thank you everyone I think I just needed a bit of confirmation that she was in the wrong with how she was speaking to me to help me feel a little less sensitive about the situation!

OP posts:
rainsofcastamere · 23/09/2024 14:03

Oh god, just forget your interaction with her OP. She's not worth the brain cells.

ricketybeauty · 23/09/2024 14:03

In all honesty I’d have told her to piss off. You are absolutely allowed to get on public transport with a pram.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/09/2024 14:05

Also if she was that old she could have dementia which can make people both grouchy and say things out loud that are best not spoken. She could have been suffering with her pain that day and just feeling particularly grouchy.

BeaLola · 23/09/2024 14:05

Do not let her out you off using the bus -you are being thoughtful taking a fold up pram

She is rude ,rude and rude

If I had been at your stop I would have told her that "sadly not all elderly people are lovely " and then given her my Paddington stare

MissUltraViolet · 23/09/2024 14:10

You should have told her to shut the fuck up. You didn't need to try and defend yourself, she can use the bus with her mobility aid and you can use the bus with your pushchair.

Neither is more or less important than the other and the moaning twat needs to learn to mind her business.

Please work on your confidence! Not wanting to tell her to fuck off is one thing but you should not have felt upset enough that you ended up missing your bus/felt too uncomfortable to continue your journey.

Allfur · 23/09/2024 14:15

She probably is unhappy with her life and is taking it out on you, not that's an excuse

cheeeesey · 23/09/2024 14:23

Should've waited til the bus came, shouted "race ya" and hopped on in front of her 🤣

Honestly, you need to use the bus and there is space on there for the both of you.

Completely blank her every time you see her, she's not worth it.

cheeeesey · 23/09/2024 14:26

Actually, scrap that. Next time you see her tell her how much her judgemental words and frankly wrong opinions upset you and that she should learn some manners and think before she speaks. Tell her she nearly made you miss your appointment and that she was exceptionally rude.

Tell her that mums these days like to instill manners and thoughtfulness towards others in their children unlike those back in her Mother's day.

SnapdragonToadflax · 23/09/2024 14:31

She sounds like a slightly batty/grumpy woman who should be ignored. Just because someone says something, doesn't make it true. You know you have every right to be on the bus.

Are you quite young? You really need to shake off the lack of confidence and stand up for yourself.

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 23/09/2024 14:40

cheeeesey · 23/09/2024 14:26

Actually, scrap that. Next time you see her tell her how much her judgemental words and frankly wrong opinions upset you and that she should learn some manners and think before she speaks. Tell her she nearly made you miss your appointment and that she was exceptionally rude.

Tell her that mums these days like to instill manners and thoughtfulness towards others in their children unlike those back in her Mother's day.

This!
Sorry she upset you OP, it seems some old people have scrapped being polite as they've gotten older, i have one like it in the family, says at her age she can say what she likes. It's damned rude
Please do get the bus again, i get it, my anxiety was through the roof when i took the bus with the pushchair but i forced myself to as i had just as much right to it as everyone else, you've planned and got a good pushchair for the situation.

Jellybeanz456 · 23/09/2024 14:43

Old people feel like they gave a right over you the amount that get on with there huge shopping trolleys by mine then give snotty looks because I have a pram is ridiculous! I just ignore them.

toomuchfaff · 23/09/2024 15:49

This reply has been deleted

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Busterbuster · 23/09/2024 16:01

Thank you everyone. Honestly mumsnet can be the most supportive place ♥️

It’s so frustrating that someone can just look at you and have that opinion. I have so much respect for the older generation, I walk through a little cul-de-sac of bungalows on the way to my daughters school (DD just turned 6 Saturday) and I’ve literally made friends with every one of the people that live in them bar one (like to keep to themselves, which is completely fine) as all the others love to have a chat. I’ve offered to help them walk their dogs, invited them round for a cuppa if they ever get lonely (a few are widowed with little family), offered to give them my number if they ever need any shopping brought to them. So for someone to tell me I’m a liar for saying I’d do something like just give up a seat on a bus! Really hurts. But thank you everyone I do appreciate it, definitely need to work on my confidence I’ve always been quite an anxious people pleaser type - but I have noticed it’s slowly getting better and I’m actually quite proud of myself for even replying to her as old me wouldn’t of done that! I’m relatively young, 27!
Thank you again x

OP posts:
Busterbuster · 23/09/2024 16:03

BeaLola · 23/09/2024 14:05

Do not let her out you off using the bus -you are being thoughtful taking a fold up pram

She is rude ,rude and rude

If I had been at your stop I would have told her that "sadly not all elderly people are lovely " and then given her my Paddington stare

Paddington stare - love that!!

OP posts:
cheeeesey · 23/09/2024 16:05

I don't agree with the "bitter old bitch" comments. They are ageist and misogynistic, just because she was extremely rude it's not acceptable.

OP tell your friends in the cul-de-sac. They will know her, she's probably rude to them too, and to the bus drivers and other passengers. Some people just love to think they are "outspoken" and "say it how it is". She sounds like one of them. You should definitely tell her how rude she was if you see her again.