To be annoyed at colleague for doing too much work?

[User364837]

Trying to work out if this is a me problem or ainbu for feeling annoyed with colleague and might say something to her.

We’re on a training programme. Im older and have a bit more experience than her. She is incredibly bright, incredibly productive and incredibly intense.

we’re working together on something with a more senior colleague from the team I am going to go to when we finish our training, she’s going elsewhere.

she is just so damn quick. We got some more information in and the senior colleague has set up a meeting to discuss how we’re going to proceed.

but she’s already looked at all the stuff and is asking me what I thought (I haven’t looked yet, busy with other stuff!) she’s prepared a lengthy summary document on her findings to share at the meeting.

AND she did all this last week when she was on leave.

it really annoys me and I can’t figure out if it’s just that my nose is out of joint?

but I think it is also that it makes me look rubbish and also it’s like someone giving you the answer to a maths problem before you’ve done the working out. By racing ahead it means I don’t kind of do the process myself which I need to do.

aibu to tell her to back off and slow down? (Politely) or am I just bitter she’s better and quicker than me?

You are being unreasonable. She sounds brilliant.a little bit of jealousy maybe (understandable!).

I think all of that

Id find it annoying but she's young, keen and good.

Maybe she'll calm down a bit, or be given more to do.

Yabu. She works how she works. You can’t ask her to slow down to make you look better.

You can ask her to stop sharing her thoughts/findings/answers with you.

But asking her to not be as on the ball because of your feelings is unreasonable.

It makes me feel (and look) inadequate.
I invited her to work on this with my and I wish I hadn’t tbh but I know you’re right and I need to (a) work faster to keep up with her (but I am not working through leave or out of hours!) and (b) be secure in my own skills.
she is also bad at giving credit to others when we’ve done other work together but I know that’s not intentional she’s just super focused.

You're just bitter. You can't tell someone to not be themselves, she's obviously trying to make an impression and better herself.

Well I understand your feelings and if I were you I would feel I definitely have to do some prep and thinking before that meeting. Good that she is keen, but more experienced people.know that this might be wasted effort if it's a group decision on how to proceed.

My boss would pull her up on working when she is on leave, and I think she is right too. She is quite strict about people not building up ridiculous amounts of flexi, or working when they are meant to be off work. I do think being a good manager means you don't let people build up these habits that can lead to burn out. It can also creates a toxic culture in the team if other people start to feel pressurised to work out of hours.

So for that bit YANBU.

Wow. Of course you can’t ask her to slow down as she’s making you look bad. Step up yourself!

She's young and keen, more fool her for working when on leave.

She will eventually become old and cynical like the rest of us.

Why does the meeting prep matter? Providing you have time before the meeting to prepare how you usually would, I don't see the problem. She's just done it early. Also, a lengthy summary document sounds tedious so possibly she is wasting her time. Might be better to just chat things through at the meeting based on your experience.
She sounds keen though. Which is a good thing!

She shouldn’t be working while she’s off really, that’s a bad habit to fall into.
Apart from that I think you know YABU, she has put your nose out of joint. You have to either change it up a gear at least while you’re working together or accept she is going to look a bit better than you on this project.

Absolutely YABU. Being quick is my USP and main work skill, and I’ve built a successful career and reputation on that. If someone asked me to slow down, I’d probably nod politely and then carry on as I was building and progressing in my own career.

She's working on her free time, which sets an unreasonable bar to everyone (no one who works the normal hours will be able to keep up with her).

However, I think it's not up to you to say that. In some workplaces her behaviour will be taken into account (and treated as the exception). In others, you will all be compared to her. There's nothing you can do.

(I used to be like her. Then I had kids and my career went kaput)

I don’t think you are unreasonable, by the way if you’d put that without her age everybody would agree that she was wrong to use her leave for work. As you’ve mentioned the age it looks like you are envious as she is young and quick but it’s not this. She’s got advantage by using a leave. Was it intentional or not but it did made you look less adequate and less committed.
It’s a bit like one of your colleagues sending a long email on Saturday morning. And by Monday morning everyone replied except you as you’re the only one in the team with small children. It sucks but nothing you can do about it.

I get why you're feeling how you feel, totally valid. But you can't ask her to slow down, you'll just look bitter - and will draw attention to you working slower.
Is your pace OK? Is your boss happy with your work? If she was just working her hours would she be so far ahead?

The only thing I would perhaps mention is the risk of burn out working out of hours/on leave. It would piss me off too, and depending on how well you get on with the boss I would maybe have a word out how you're feeling. Something along the lines of you feeling you're falling behind as you can't dedicate your free time and annual leave to work activities. I wouldn't want to work in an organisation that promoted or rewarded that.

But unless you're her manager, it's not your role to pull her up on it. Don't tread on your bosses toes.

Yabu.

You are responsible for your feelings of inadequacy, not her. Why should she dim herself to make you feel better?

She may like and enjoy her job, wants to do well, keep it, and progress further.

Being quick is my USP and main work skill, and I’ve built a successful career and reputation on that.

Same here. If someone came to me and told me to lessen myself unnecessarily, I would ignore them, maybe even go harder.

So you want her to work below her level of optimisation to make you feel better? Come on, OP.

It's not her job to allay your feelings of inadequacy. You either step up or you just accept that she's one of those very efficient and capable people in life.

As a PP said above – I am also incredibly efficient at work. I can fit the same work into half the hours as my colleague and perform the same, if not better. That's not necessarily a brag; it's just something I'm good at (and there are many other things I'm not good at it life!). I would not stop the way I work for anyone.

Don't worry about her and carry on with your own work style. If she's so quick she may make mistakes or not come to the same conclusions as you, having given it more time and due to your greater experience.

I'm definitely a tortoise not a hare and if I go faster I tend to make more mistakes.

Working on leave is a big no.

Otherwise she sounds very helpful. Such people are gold. You should be cultivating her.

I have a colleague like this. Younger, faster etc. I had a bit of a crisis of confidence around it and for a while and tried to keep up/ work out of hours with a busy home life.

Actually with time, I saw she made a lot of mistakes - just by not taking time to think projects through or by rushing other colleagues into making poor decisions. She’s great at what she does but has had to learn that work is not always about task completion in the fastest time.

I have since had a couple of promotions above her as I think my skills and experience are valued.

I think you’ll get torn apart on here but I do know what you mean.

working on leave doesn’t mean she’s more efficient than you or quicker. I can’t be bothered with folk who do that. I’m well aware it’s their prerogative but it’s just daft and I don’t think it makes them look good. I manage a team of people (high performing team) and I would really discourage this.

If she chooses to work on her leave, its a bit sad but if that is how she chooses to spend her leave that is her choice.
She is young and keen to make an impression.
It is not a reflection on you, however it is reasonable to point out that you would appreciate if she could do the work at the training pace so that you can learn each step.
It is ok to say her working on while she is on leave is messing with your training.

"I need you not mess up your work because you doing to right thing makes me look bad"
If you were told that what would you think

Is this really serious?

I used to be like your colleague until an older team member pulled me aside and told me to be very careful with my time because burnout is no joke. I have since banned myself from opening my laptop on a holiday, at the weekend and generally credit my former colleague with my amazing work-life balance. Yes, I was a top performer in my team at the time but at great cost to my personal life and my mental health. And I was so far down that path, that I didn't even see it myself. I though that if I worded just a little bit harder, I would get all the recognition. In fact, nobody cared that I was up until 4am doing busy work while everyone else was sound asleep and up fresh for a meeting next morning.

aibu to tell her to back off and slow down? (Politely) or am I just bitter she’s better and quicker than me?

If you said this to me, I'd laugh and say to you to perhaps up your game if you don't like it.