To avoid particular school because of another mum?

[Createaflower]

Another mum at DS’s preschool really doesn’t like me and it’s already caused a few minor problems.

We now have to think about school next year, and there are two schools we could choose. One is on the way to my workplace and one is in the opposite direction but only five minutes.

The DS of the woman who doesn’t like me is going to the school on my way. AIBU to just choose the other one? Both OFSTED good. I just don’t want to be dealing with rudeness and frostiness for the next decade (we both have younger children the same age.)

Yes, go for it! Who'd want that sense of impending doom every Monday morning?

I’d say pick whatever school is more practical for you. There is no guarantee that you won’t have another mean mum on the other school.

I wouldn’t let this woman be the deciding factor in what school my child goes to.

You need to realise there are people like her in every school.

Come up with tactics for dealing with her, Id probably just ignore her if she is rude. In another fee years your child will be more independent and you wont see as much of her.

It’s more for my child to be honest. She’s quite well known in that village because I think she grew up there so had friendships and connections. I just don’t want him (and dd when it’s her turn) excluded from parties and play dates and so on. It’s just drama we don’t need.

Go for it then. If you can manage the logistics creating distance from an enemy they could affect your kids it's a good idea.

It's not often we acquire enemies unless you're a horrible person, so it's not likely to happen again.

What kind of "few problems" can a pre-school mum cause?

How do you know what school her DS is going to but you haven't submitted applications yet?

Life is too short for fall outs with other parents. Just ignore and put your kid in the school you think they'll thrive in. I wouldn't pick based on location but look for positives like forest school, trips, parent comms, maths programme, reading programme, play facilities, computer labs etc. Did you visit both schools?

@GRex i know because I was talking to her DH at a party. None of the schools here are over subscribed so while he hasn’t been offered a place formally there’s no reason he won’t go.

And no, we haven’t done visits yet. But I do think a big part of school is friendships and I just don’t want them compromised because of someone else’s difficult parent.

OP, I can almost guarantee that they will be parents at whichever school you go to that are frosty and even rude. You and your DC aren't going to be friends with everyone.

I'd really focus on which school is the best for your children, based on visits and recommendations. Take the woman out of the decision.

Would you pick a school purely based on your DC saying he won't go to x school because he and Colin have fallen out?

If it was a persistent sort of falling out, where they were excluded and miserable then yes, probably. I wouldn’t go for a terrible school over a good one but since there are two good ones it seems a bit daft to choose the one where I know there will be problems.

Sorry OP, I voted YABU until I saw your updates.
All other things being equal, then yes I would pick the school that avoids the drama.

How do you know she doesn’t like you? Has she already made life difficult for you?

Yes just choose the other one for a simple life. You don't want the school run to make you anxious, and feeling bullied at the many weekend birthday parties that come with primary.

If it was your favourite school I'd advise you to overcome this and just go, but it sounds like both schools are fine.

It sounds like you just don’t know her. How can she be “frosty” to another person she has nothing to do with other than their kids both sharing a nursery?

I might make it a factor, but if you haven’t visited the schools yet you may find two ‘good’ schools are very different and there are more important factors to choose one over the other.

There's at least one mean mum at every school. But do whatever suits your own circumstances.

Op if it's not too much of a hassle, say in day out, then go for it.

School politics can be fraught enough so going for the other one if it's easy enough sounds good.

We were in one school were the Mums were quite toxic for 5 years. When we moved for the last two years it was such a refreshing change, no one bothered anyone and it made it so much easier!

Without a few more details about the issues she’s caused, it’s difficult to say, but it would be a shame if she influenced your decision

@Completelyjo i don’t know her but we do have an erstwhile colleague in common who was dismissed and I am fairly sure that’s where the problem has arisen from.

The problems she’s caused are pathetic but still awkward, the worst one (in my mind) was at a preschool party where the mums were stood in a group (it’s a small preschool) and she kept sort of moving away so that if I tried to approach them the whole group shifted away. Hard to explain but it was very awkward and I ended up just chatting to the staff (and a four year old girl about her pony!)

@Completelyjo i don’t know her but we do have an erstwhile colleague in common who was dismissed and I am fairly sure that’s where the problem has arisen from.

The problems she’s caused are pathetic but still awkward, the worst one (in my mind) was at a preschool party where the mums were stood in a group (it’s a small preschool) and she kept sort of moving away so that if I tried to approach them the whole group shifted away. Hard to explain but it was very awkward and I ended up just chatting to the staff (and a four year old girl about her pony!)

Sorry for double post. Poor signal!

If they are both good schools and you can manage the logistics of the other school I would go. Having lived through 18 months of this from a school parent and their child (because soon enough the kid will realise if they behave badly/ are mean to your child they won’t get in trouble with their parents) and living with the gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach at drop off / pick up or school activities if you can avoid that - DO!

If the schools are equally good, and the extra 10 minutes travel isn’t a problem, then I’d avoid the other mum for sure. And I disagree with the people who say there’ll be someone like that at every school. I met mums who were less chatty and friendly than others, but none who were outright nasty. I think that’s quite unusual, and best avoided if possible.

Just be absolutely sure her dc is going to the other school first. She may think you will choose the one on your route so go for the other one. Then you have an awkward journey and an awkward Mom.
To be honest l would pick the handiest one and not let her dictate my life for 8 years.

I would go to the other school where you won't see her, she'll become cliquey with other mums and then they will be rude to you as well. As that'll extend to your dc in class ect.

Peace of mind cannot be underestimated!

Oof I had a frosty cow at my sons primary it began when I had my youngest she was friendly and asked my (now ex) about me daily when he dropped our other son off as soon as I started doing the school run again boom bitch face she excluded me from things excluded my child when I got divorced then it got worse her son bullied mine for 6 fucking years and the school didn't want to do anything about it because SHE "was lovely" (also she worked at the school) then we had a new head teacher who promptly suspended him in year 6 but it was too late his behaviour was ingrained and he ended up being thrown out of high school within the first year (which came as a complete shock to him apparently) I wish I had taken my son out of the school but he is autistic and would freak out at the very thought of change so we ploughed on never in a million years did I think she would send him to the same high school as him as soon as I found out I was right on to the school telling them to keep him away from my son (they did thankfully)

So yeah take the other school