To avoid particular school because of another mum?

[Createaflower]

Another mum at DS’s preschool really doesn’t like me and it’s already caused a few minor problems.

We now have to think about school next year, and there are two schools we could choose. One is on the way to my workplace and one is in the opposite direction but only five minutes.

The DS of the woman who doesn’t like me is going to the school on my way. AIBU to just choose the other one? Both OFSTED good. I just don’t want to be dealing with rudeness and frostiness for the next decade (we both have younger children the same age.)

I have said you are being unreasonable because you shouldn't let a parent you don't like affect your important decisions. You should choose a school based on what is right for your child.
Don't base it on the Ofsted judgement either. Two schools with the same judgement can be very different. Go and see them ,talk to staff and see which feels right for your child.

Parents don’t determine who your DC’s will be friends with. How much time do you spend with this woman to have such an impact on you?

Maybe she thinks you flirt with her husband.

she kept sort of moving away so that if I tried to approach them the whole group shifted away
Just how big was the room? Are you honestly suggesting you could in no way have caught up with the group eventually by walking up to it!?!

If this is "the worst" then I'm afraid I think the issue is you massively over-thinking minor interactions, excluding yourself and possibly glaring at everyone else yourself. Next time - pause and breathe to collect yourself, walk over with a big smile, join the group saying "hello". It is genuinely MUCH easier than hiding in a corner talking to a random 4yo about ponies.

IMO villages are the worst for this kind of social exclusion. Are the schools in different villages, and do they serve just one area each? Or is there a crossover with kids from a mixture of villages and a bit less territorial.

Make sure you visit both the schools and get a feeling which one would suit your child best, check out the traffic patterns and parking at school run times, as well as seeing what kind of vibe you get from the other parents.

If all things are equal, take the other school if she’d def going to send her child to the opposite one. There are always going to be mean mums though, and they will always protect their own kid even if it’s obvious they’re the bully.

We are within a 10 min walking distance of four primary schools that were all much of a muchness when we visited. We ruled out one when we heard that a particular child from nursery would be going there (they were all undersubscribed so basically everyone got their first choice).

It wouldn't have made us not choose a school if it was our favourite. But when they had nothing much to separate them, avoiding a particular family did make a difference.

@GRex I think excluding you from a whole group is a bit shit to be honest.

@Pottedpalm huh?

What are you on about???

Some random person doesn't like you.

The fact that you've given this any thought whatsoever is completely ridiculous.

To actually choose a school on this basis is absolutely batshit.

@Blobblobblob that reply was so, so rude ‘what are you on about?’

You know what I’m ’on about.’ Completely unnecessary.

Yes, someone doesn’t like me. Uncomfortable and awkward. That someone has lots of friends which is alienating me and my children from joining that group of friends … and you really can’t understand why I choose to avoid that?

No, I can't imagine letting another person control my life that way.

She thinks she’s the Queen Bee horrible shrew of a woman.

She is intimidating you, which is very difficult to explain. It’s all of her issues not yours. In my experience people like her need someone to intimidate to make them feel less inadequate. They also need their wee band of merry men around them.

trust me, this won’t be her first rodeo.

I would avoid her, her children etc. Go to the other school and forget her.

I would pick the other school if all else is equal.

Be prepared that once you go to the other one she'll want to be your best friend wherever you see her

I would 100% avoid negative people and yes parents can exclude your child from party invites etc so I would choose the other school

Having had an awful time in the last few years of primary with a family who turned on us over issues happening at school, I would definitely avoid the drama.
Whilst the DC causing the problems are not in the same class anymore, and I’m seeking treatment for anxiety, I still get anxious over the school run.
Primary schools are pretty social places so avoiding unpleasant people is quite hard if you want to be present in your child’s school
life (assemblies, trips, PTA events etc)
Even if you’re just doing drop off/pick up at normal times those people are unavoidable, in my experience.
I feel for you, OP. Good luck!

In your mind she excluded you. That does not make your idea factual. In your story, the group moved around the room a bit... so you didn't speak to anyone. Factually, you excluded yourself. You really need to comprehend that, or you'll face this sort of issue time and time again.

This.

There will be mean, ruse, aggressive, idiots in every walk of life. Don't let them dictate your choices. Deal with them.

What do you think are her reasons for disliking you?

As PPs have said, just because 2 schools are both rated good it does not mean they are equal or the same. My DD attends a primary that is rated good but they had a recent ungraded inspection and actually were given outstanding, they just weren't officially graded yet.
Whereas another school in our village is also rated good and is clinging onto that by a thread. Iv heard terrible things about it, and two children I know have been pulled out recently. Being rated good can be a whole broad spectrum and not necessarily reflect whats really going on. OP you need to visit these schools and get a feel for which one you really like.
Your decision shouldn't be based on this other parent or their child. A class full of children are not going to leave your child out because one childs mother doesnt like you. Ignore her, there will always be people we dont get on with in life. Its called being an adult and rising above it.

I'd go for the school you want and ignore her. My experience of hostile mums at the school is that they get bored and stop doing it when you don't rise to it.

I wouldn't based purely on that. If you view the schools and really can't choose between thenm it could be the deciding factor. But what if the husband is wrong/they change their mind etc etc? What if you go to the other school and they do too!

go and look at both the schools before making a decision

personally, I would ask the woman why she is like this with you, have you done something to offend her as it seems that way and if your children are to attend school together you don't want there to be any bad feeling

Please try and be logical about this and put your child first. There will obviously be more than just that other mum there!

A school on your way is far more practical. Don't let her affect your choice! Visit the schools and then decide.

I would definitely look at both schools and if you like them both well enough, then go for the one where you won’t have to encounter this person ever again - life’s too short to deal with energy like that. Yes there might be another mean mum in the other school but equally there might not!