If you're someone who is never on time, please can you explain why?

[Terracata]

I'm a lone parent with a 5yo who has SEN. I have ADHD but now I'm an adult I have lots of coping mechanisms in place that mean I am rarely ever late for things. When I say late I don't mean 5/10 mins. I'm talking about being properly late.

I have a couple of friends who are starting to drive me nuts because they are always ridiculously late. They do have children too (both have two).

Last weekend I had arranged to cook dinner for us all. We see each other a lot and take it in turns to cook, or we go out. She text me saying she was running 20 mins late. I said no problem see you soon. An hour later she showed up. She does this all the time and is completely flustered and overwhelmed. She'd been at home all morning. This is a regular occurrence. My other friend who does this is exactly the same. It's not a huge issue when they're coming over (though annoying to waste an hour waiting) but when we are going out (to local themed parks or restaurants) it is a complete nightmare.

Is it inbuilt into people to be like this? They don't WANT to be late. But always are.

Of course I only have one child and they have two so this may also make getting out of the door harder!

Time IS linear.

I think it's more the annoyance of being kept waiting for someone. It's rude and it's boring and a waste of time.

I'm not as bad as your friends but am guilty of often being slightly late.
Mixture of trying to fit too much in, underestimating travel time and hating being early!

For me, it was always about anxiety - I don't get out much and I'm a little agoraphobic as a result, so I need to really really check everything's locked and off and sorted before I go out...

But because it is annoying and disrespectful to others, I have consciously and deliberately built 'panic time' into my life now so I can do all this and still be on time. It also helps the anxiety because I'm not rushing. I don't care about being early and killing time, that's better than arriving all sweat and snotters and everyone annoyed at you.

My brother is also anxious but he hasn't adapted, and he's made people miss planes and trains and outings. But he is an unrepentant dick.

I’m hardly ever on time. I have ADHD and I am so terrified of being late, that I am always ridiculously early. I was recently told that my being early upsets people because they aren’t ready & feel pressured. This is true even of my GP surgery who for some reason don’t like me arriving 45mins or so early and reading a book in the waiting area, or if they aren’t open, sitting outside & reading. It doesn’t matter that I am friendly and calm. It upsets people.

But if I am late, I get turned away and have to rebook things or friends get upset and say where were you, we are now really behind…

I can’t be on time. It’s either really early or really late and it seems I can’t catch a break either way.

I did read your full posts and I did quote you correctly, I just omitted parts of your full posts that were irrelevant to my post and didn’t change the context of the quote, as indicated by the ellipsis.

There are numerous strategies you can use to help you instead of bemoaning your lack of internal clock. It’s a choice not to use them, or to have them and not use them properly.

This question yet again. Loads of posters will say your friend is selfish etc but it doesn’t sound like she’s having a good time being late if she’s always flustered.
It’s just a minor flaw in her personality, we all have them, you’re probably doing things you’re friend’s not totally keen on. But as personality flaws go I’d take a late friend over a CF or a friend needlessly strict on time any day.

Lie about the time you want them there- 45 minutes earlier than you need them etc.

I think how you are raised does have an impact. Some parents are relaxed about time, there are no consequences for lateness. So habits form that it doesn't matter much and that its ok to choose to carry on doing something fun even if it means you'll be late, or to avoid doing something less fun & end up late.

By contrast, my parents were almost never late. We were bought watches & taught to use them at age 7. When wer were a bit older, dad would take us to the shops in the car and tell us what time to meet him back. If you were late he'd wouldn't wait, you just missed the lift and had to do the long walk. By contrast if you were early & waiting for him, he'd give you sweets. There were always unpleasant consequences for being late and no one in the wider family (grandparents, aunts etc) tolerated it.

As an adult, I'm never late. I tend to build in masses too much "spare" time so am often early.

Oh and i dont let people realise im early. I'll wait in my car, walk in a park nearby, go to a local cafe to wait etc.

I just put it down to someone being too stupid to work out how to be on time and I prefer to only be friends with intelligent people. Therefore, I let friendships lapse with chronically late people.

This is what I do. It makes things easier.