I don’t think I was ND…

[Cheepcheepcheep]

Trying to phrase this appropriately

I’m on the tube home and I can see a girl stimming. I offered her my headphones (no sound) and she said ‘thank you, I can’t focus without quiet’

I’ve never considered myself ND but it’s given me a bit of a moment. I can’t take public transport without them to block out noise.

I have a lot of the stereotypes - I’m obsessed with facts, mostly to do with trains and roads and infrastructure. I know it sounds a bit mad but I hate being over stimulated and I immediately got that girl. Do I need to look into this? Is it ok at 35 just to be a bit odd?

Is it negatively impacting your life, or have you overcome your quirks with tools? In which case you dont need and probably wouldn't get a diagnosis.

If you feel you are being held back and are curious then look into it but there is very little help available out there

That’s the thing. I don’t think it’s impacting my life whatsover. I’m just a bit of a kook (think Phoebe from friends!) I’ve just always been a little quirky.

I don’t feel like I need a diagnosis but it’s just given me a bit of a moment.

If you feel it would help you understand yourself and live your life more easily look into it.
it’s up to you, I don’t think it would change much around you, but if you find looking into it helps you navigate your life better, or feel more comfortable with yourself, go for it!
There’s probably tonnes of non-clinically
diagnosed ND people out there and there’s a lot of self help resources if it’s useful in any way.
Self reflection is not a bad thing.

Autistic traits are very normal for the general population. It's when they cause an issue that it becomes autism and the traits have to fit into three key categories. So you may have some but not others. I can't remember the specifics I think it's social impairment, communication, repetitive and restrictive behaviour.

Yeah, this is the thing. I’ve carved out a little life of being ‘a bit weird, but generally ok’. I don’t think or feel like I need a dx.

At the same time, it was a bit of a mic drop moment, I’ve honestly never considered ND until she said she can’t get the train without noise cancellers.

Just a bit of food for thought.

Might be worth looking into. One thing to bear in mind is that things get harder as you get older/approach menopause (has for me anyway).

I've got my adhd assessment at the end of the year. I have two diagnosed ND kids and never occurred to me thst I might be until I read up in it.

It definitely has impacted my life, self esteem, work opportunities and relationships and I wish I'd known when I was younger.

Check out Right to Choose.

Just to play devils advocate.. what does being a mum look like with autism? Can I be a good/great mum if that’s the case? I find a lot of things hard but I adore my kids

But you already are autistic or not. You already are a great mum or not. The diagnosis wouldnt change that. You can only do your absolute best for your kids.
if you feel a diagnosis would help you be a better mum or find methods to cope better go for it. You already are a mum who loves her kids, that’s already absolutely brilliant for them.

I’ve had that similar mic drop moment OP. For me, I don’t have a particular interest in seeking a diagnosis at this point in time, and I’ve not really talked to anyone about it. I’ve mostly taken it as a nudge to give myself a bit of grace over the stuff I find hard. Maybe those things aren’t a failing, maybe there’s a reason I seem to find some things so much harder than most people.

So, my suggestion to you is, try going along with the idea that you’re autistic. How does that change things for you? Does it give you more clues as to why you find certain things difficult? Can you search for resources online which will help you find ways to succeed?

You absolutely are and can be a great mum if you’re autistic. Finding things hard does not stop that.

Since our DC was diagnosed DH has slowly realised he has a very similar profile (I'd noticed long before...)

He hasn't sought a diagnosis but he seems more comfortable in himself now and almost to have a quiet pride in how his brain works. He has a splendid collection of tshirts saying things like You Read My Tshirt. That's Enough Social Interaction for One Day.

He's a great dad. He does sometimes clash with DC due to similar limitations.

But that's true of most of us.

You learned something about yourself (the noise). That's great!

I'm not sure whether anyone has taken you to task over your post but it is incredibly ignorant.

Please take the time to fact to check yourself before posting, especially if you can't remember the specifics.

I’m in a very similar situation to you - I’ve managed to make a good life for myself around who I am.

With recent experiences of autism being talked about more I’ve started to realise that a lot of what though were quirks may well be autism.

Ive never investigated further as im not sure it will make a difference to my life - as i am who i am no matter what. Personally though i do believe I am autistic.

I'm autistic and have 2 lovely young adult children. Both very polite and hard working.

I was diagnosed in my 50s and started wondering if I was autistic in my 40s .

I'm really glad I got the diagnosis.

I didn't realise until I read some research on it that many conditions other than autism and ADHD come with sensory processing issues. Some examples include: OCD, anxiety, depression, dementia, traumatic brain injury, stroke, PTSD (of course some people consider these conditions to be neurodivergence, but what I mean is that it's broader than autism or ADHD).

I was tying myself in knots wondering if I was autistic because of sensory issues when I already have one of the conditions above diagnosed.

You may be autistic, or you may not. Would having a diagnosis affect your life? If so, go to GP and ask for a referral for assessment.

I didn't write it but I thought it was quite helpful. What do you think is ill informed? I'm a bit like the OP and want to know more about this (for my own benefit).

@Pocketfullofdogtreats, I was a bit 🤔 when I read that post because I don't think people have 'traits', they either are or aren't autistic. It doesn't 'become' autism because again, you either are or aren't autistic.

Oh an @Cheepcheepcheep, that was a really kind thing for you to do on the tube.

Most people in the general population do not have autistic traits. This assertion really minimises things that some people find very disabling.

I dunno. I'm not autistic but I've come to realise over the years that I do have some aspects to me that the people around me don't have. Like having lots of rituals through the day, (although maybe such habits are 'normal' and it's more uncommon for people to not follow any pattern) and not being able to bear music in shops or restaurants - I find it overwhelming and can't think straight. I dread the Christmas music in Sainsbury's. One year in a hot, crowded and noisy Boots I asked a lot of random shoppers around me what they thought of the music: some hadn't noticed it, some quite liked it, and about half didn't like it. So there you go, my unscientific survey!
I also did an online autism survey. There are about 120 questions. I came out as a spike on one aspect of ND but the rest were NC. So maybe lots of us (around half?) have some aspects of ND.

I don't need taking to task. Nothing I've said is incorrect I'm not saying everyone is a little bit autistic. I'm saying that there are traits / characteristics specifically looked for during assessment that are common but not exclusive to autistic individuals: being noise sensitive due to sensory processing, not liking being in crowded space, not liking the feel of labels in clothing, having a strict routine. All very common things but when combined with traits in the other three areas and those traits negatively impacting your life will then get you a diagnosis otherwise they do indeed say "not autistic, but has autistic traits". You might have restricted or routine behaviours because of OCD. You might struggle with executive functioning due to EF disorder. They might be comorbid with autism but not in every case.

You will not receive a diagnosis if you don't experience challenges within the trifecta of areas they look into.

I don't like noisy, hot busy shops, or eating in loud restaurants but I can shop or eat there they make me uncomfortable. For autistic DD she can not and would not enter those places without her noise cancelling headphones. I have other characteristics that fit part of the assessment but not others.

@Singleandproud Autistic traits are very normal no they are not. Sensory processing difficulties don't combine with autistic traits, they are traits common to a range of neuro divergent disorders.

Please do a lot more reading, and I fully appreciate the amount of complete rubbish there is out there, for both you and your daughters sake.

For yourself lookup spiky profiles.

I’m a 35 year old autistic mum, to an autistic child. Becoming a mum and raising an atypically developing child has made me sure that I’m also just another undiagnosed autistic female. It’s kind of like Schrödinger's cat. I’ve gone through life up to now not knowing for sure why I was ‘quirky’ and so even now I’m all at once autistic and not autistic. When does an audio sensitivity become a sensory autistic thing? When does an interest become a ‘special interest’? There’s a lot of unpacking. If you are ASD, you might also have an ASD child, and just from personal experience, it can be stressful, but it can be wonderful too.

Exactly. I'm sensitive to noise and light. My hearing was fine until I had blocked ears and had my ears suctioned. I was told (before I was diagnosed with autism) that many people are sensitive to light and there's no underlying cause for it.

Thank you to everyone who has posted (and to the derailment, I appreciate both of your inputs so thank you and I’m sorry it got a bit heated).

I’ve been thinking more about last night and it was a bit of an odd moment. Maybe part of it is having my kids and having to look ‘under the bonnet’ about behaviour. Kids are 2 and 4 and I’ve never really had to consider what is ‘normal’ because up until now normal has been my normal.

Im definitely very sensory. I don’t wear jeans because I don’t like the feel of denim. I struggle a lot with noise and light (I can’t sit in rooms with ceiling lights on - makes me feel ‘weird’ for reasons I can’t explain). The only reason I gave the girl on the tube my headphones last night was because I could see she clearly needed them more than me. I used to be an earbud person until I realised how much more secure I feel when I have headphones on, it’s like I’m in my bubble.

To think some more about whether a DX would be helpful, I think maybe before it would have been. But I’m very lucky, I have a husband who ‘gets’ me without one, likeminded friends who just accommodate me for me - whether that’s about overthinking or listening me talk about whatever I’m into that week. For about 6 months a couple of years ago it was vexillology, they tolerated a lot of flag chat!

I don’t want to rock the boat with medicalising (tbh, I don’t have the time, I have a job, two kids and a social life) and if I do have some degree of ND I think I can live with it. Just fascinating to realise that this might explain a lot.

I'm 51 and after a day out in February with an autistic best friend ive known for 40+ years, she mentioned that she thinks I should finally see a doctor about ASD. The things she has always noticed were always my normal. But I guess they aren't actually the norm so to speak. I can hold a job down and have raised 3 kids...3 kids that agreed with said friend and also told me to go to the GP. And it has gotten worse when meno started. My main problem is the sounds other people don't even notice. But the counting. The routines. Food textures and flavour issues. Rituals. Fixations on hobbies. Decorating got out of control. I painted the whole room 2 different colours in 1 day and my son was like, mother please! I have lost a job due to my lack of concentration and processing of information. I will never need medication I feel and I don't need any PIP or help. I have great family and friends and a fantastic work manager. But I went to the GP after filling in some sheets she scored and she said, as a mother of an autistic child herself, that she recognises some traits but couldn't say for sure so referred me to psych UK. Application is in and I await their email for assessment. For me it's just the knowing. I'm me. I've always been me. And I feel good about it all whatever the outcome.