To ask if I sound like I'm autistic?

[AmINd]

I'm 30 and have spent the last 10 years convinced there is something different about me. I seem to find life exceptionally difficult and feel very 'behind' my peers. I was academic and went to university, but I would sit on my own and never speak to anyone unless they spoke to me first. I was desperate for friends, but could never initiate conversations. I am very, very shy. I'm the same at work - I work from home mainly, but when I'm in the office I will sit on my own and go for lunch on my own unless someone directly asks me. I hate it, but can't bring myself to initiate conversations with others. I get burnt out in jobs around 1-1.5 years in. Not sure why, I just start to get a feeling of dread and stress hives every day and then I just burn out and can't bring myself to carry on. I find meetings exhausting as I am hyperaware of my reactions, my facial expressions, and my posture. I get the worst headaches after just one meeting as I've been so switched on and focused that it drains me. I never speak in meetings unless spoken to. I stumble over my words and can't form a sentence properly.

I'm not sure if it's just an intense level of anxiety and social anxiety, but the fact that I am 30 and still struggling with the same issues that plagued me in childhood is really frustrating. Not speaking in class has turned into not speaking in meetings. Parents' evenings consisting of teachers telling my parents I was too quiet have now turned into managers telling me I need to have more confidence. If anything I have gone downhill as during my childhood and teen years I always had friends at least. I have not made a new friend since I was around 12. I seem to be well-liked by colleagues but never enough to make friends with them.

I think I come across to others as really naive and sensitive (rightly so, to be honest). I tend to get babied a lot, even by people younger than me.

I just don't know what's wrong.

Talk to a health professional and get an assessment. It's the only way you'll know for sure and it will give you tools to help you deal with your anxiety. In the mean time why don't you sign up for a drama class? It will help you be more confident even if it turns our you're not autistic. Best of luck to you..

I'm the same and a bit older than you. I've spent my whole life feeling like an alien dropped into social situations. I am autistic, and it runs in my family.

I think you almost certainly are. I am too. It would be worth finding out who does private assessments near you and making an appointment. It's likely to be about £850 but well worth it if you can afford it. It would be about a 2 year wait on the NHS.

That alone could be any one of a number of things.

Is there anything else to go off of?

Have you done any online tests or looked into other signs?

What are things like out of work?

Over £2000 where I am for an adult autism assessment.

I could have written this word for word! You sound exactly like me. I was assessed for autism as a teen. It was decided I was probably just socially anxious. I do think it probably is social anxiety. My husband was diagnosed with ASD at 4 years old. Although some of our struggles are similar, we are also very different in other ways.

Yes, this does sound like autism. If your parents are still around, ask them how you played as a child (or maybe you have some memories )

Autistic kids don't tend to do make believe play - dress up, pretending to be a nurse, fire fighter, shop keeper etc

Their play (for high functioning which you likely are) might involve drawing, tidying up the dolls' house, skipping, ball games, games with rules (board games)

Did you go to Brownies or any clubs and did you enjoy?

£2K more typical for asst - you need to choose a place that goes by NICE guidelines and has a multi disciplinary team asst.

You sound like you could be.
Have a read about the advice given to autistic adults about how to help manage in daily life. Follow the advice, and see if it helps? Doesn’t mean you’re autistic necessarily, but what matters in the end is you being happier in daily life. I have a different opinion to PP and do not think assessment is worth it. It won’t change anything. Just do some research, apply what is useful and ignore what is not.

I am starting to suspect that I am also. I am ten years older than you but could completely relate to every word you said.
With that said a lot doesn't fit. I loved imaginative play as a kid and had lots of friends at school. I don't mind change in my routine, I often welcome it. Can read social cues well etc. So I don't know if in my case it is just severe social anxiety.

Oh - another big clue is how you were as a teen. NT girls tend to go about in groups and talk about other girls, boys (!) make up, clothes etc. Social activities become important - parties, pubs and clubs.

Music, going to concerts etc. Did you like all that?

I think if you were socially anxious, you'd want all that even if you couldn't do it.

With asd you wouldn't be interested in it.

I'd think of social anxiety rather than autism. And the good thing about anxiety is there are lots of ways to improve things. Therapy for anxiety isn't easy but it does work and things can get better.

You must be doing pretty well to get through job interviews though etc? is it just some social situations you struggle in ?

It's possible you are, my son got a late diagnosis. I'm seeing similar traits in myself and my dad also. I've always felt like I was trying too hard to fit in almost play acting life. I can't be arsed fighting for a diagnosis at my age.

Everyone is different so some of these comments I dont agree with.

My dd is autistic. She goes to clubs and bars and theatre and cinema. She copes
Fine. It wears her out but she wants to do it.

She is highly creative

She has social anxiety with new people but if she has a safe person with her she is fine

As a child she never Lined stuff Up etc

She was very
Knowledgeable in her interests ie dinosaurs as a very young child.

She had huge tantrums
She never Napped

She suffers
From stomach pains if stressed

She enjoys fashion and make up

You will have your own struggles. Maybe noises. Fabrics. Textures maybe is travelling. Maybe eating out. Phobias
Only you will know

However I'd say it's worth getting an opinion

This sounds like me!!
I was diagnosed last year aged 42 with ADHD and the Dr strongly advised me to get a referral for an asd assessment (she only specialised in ADHD)
I was diagnosed for years as having depression and anxiety which I do believe I have (not currently depressed) but all that comes with years of masking ADHD and having to form my own coping strategies.
I knew as well that I felt different to others and especially in social situations which I hated, I didn't know how to act. Looking back now, I can see that I mirrored others alot and used alcohol in a negative way to get completely drunk so I felt less awkward.
I was extremely shy at school and lacked self confidence. All those things are true of someone with ADHD.
Maybe see your GP and exclaim how you're feeling and they will put you in touch with a mental health nurse. That will start a process of putting you on the correct pathway to whatever it is going on. I'm not am expert of course so I'm only sharing my own experience with you which sounds similar. But just having some validation has helped me. There's also opportunity for medication if there is adhd in the mix.
Good luck with it all 🙏🏼

As a child I was very, very shy and very sensitive. An example is that I gave one wrong answer in class in year 1, and some classmates laughed at me so I never answered another question in class ever again. That said I always had a good group of friends, and there were some autistic girls in my class during primary school and I recognised they were very different from me in how they acted and played. I did imaginative play, never had any strong interests just normal stuff. I did collect certain toys though.

As a teenager I always had a good group of friends until I left school - it's in adulthood it all went downhill. I did tend to follow people around though and cling to my friends. Outside of my friendship group I was basically mute - some people I went to school with would tell me they had never heard me speak. My interests were pretty typical though although I do think I was always a bit young for my age.

For some reason I do really well in interviews. I can put on an act, and I know the right things to say. I notice I do the same thing in other social situations - like I tried to do therapy once but I could tell I was just trying to act like a 'perfect' client. I tend to start well in new jobs, and then after a few months the mask slips and I can't keep up the pretence anymore.

I’m not seeing autism here, going by what you’ve said. It seems like social anxiety.

Oh, for God’s sake. Now it’s supposed to be a sign of neurodivergence if you don’t go around talking about makeup and clothes?!

I have ADHD, but my friends in high school were all neurotypical and none of them gave a damn about makeup or clothes. As for parties, pubs and clubs, a lot of people aren’t hugely into those just because they’re introverted.

I am similar or at least was at work ( now work for myself, so much happier)
I was able to make a few good friends at work, but often just didn’t speak in group situations ot meetings. It feels weird looking back that I was like that for 15 odd years. Things changed when I had my Dd and with age, I just don’t care as much what people think. I was incredibly self conscious and lacking in confidence at work. I don’t know if I’d be like that again if I went back in that environment. I do still wonder if it’s autism rather than just social anxiety though. I also used to get very upset by the gossiping and politics in the workplace, I just couldn’t cope with it, whereas it seemed like everyone else could

OP you are me!!!!! I’ve never read anything like it, my jaw hit the floor. I know in my soul I am autistic. Thank you for articulating your post.

Read the book called Quiet. Find a very good therapist to talk to. Get a diagnosis if necessary, take a deep breath. You have done well so far, the hard bit is over, the rest will fall into place.

There are two main parts to an autism diagnosis, the social communication side which includes conversational skills, non verbal communication and differences in friendships. Then there is the behaviour side which includes stereotyped behaviour such as repeating words and phrases, collecting items, lining things up, hand and body mannerisms. Routines and reactions to change. Intense interests and sensory seeking or sensory aversive behaviour. From your description you are describing difficulties in the first part but not the second part so based on the amount of info you have given I would say it doesn't sound like autism. You would also have to show evidence of diffculties in your childhood as autism is a life long condition. There is a good website called Embrace autism though which has more info on autism and lots of tests you can take which may help you learn more about the condition and make it clear if an assessment would help. If you did decide to have an assessment it can be done free on the NHS but you may be waiting 2-3 years for an appointment. The average cost is about £2000 (£850 is about average for an ADHD assessment ).