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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a bloody big head wobble

32 replies

Namechange1990 · 21/09/2024 21:05

So i thibk stupidly i have managed to fall for an idiot yet again. Ive been staying with him (only me no kids) with my 2 dogs and his cat... Not bewn a problem together although will admit puppy has struggled and has had a few accidents (hes a dog not his fault i think its just a new place), frustrating i get it but hardly the end of the world. He was one who suggested them up here!

So long story short i get back from work this evening (was offered little bits when im here by someone local), made a lovely tea and he fed pets. Dogs 1 side of stairgate cat the other, works great except he left gate open and dog ate the cats food. Well he went mad banging things, shouting the lot. I was so angry i said i would just take dogs home tommorow and started getting bits together. Well he went mad basically threatening to throw me out, id ended our relationship... i was mental, crazy. Its in the middle of no where the nearest station is 4 hours walk along Country roads so obv cant walk tonight, poss can in morning but its dangerous roads or have to hope he will take me.

Hes allowed me to stay and ive shut myself in a bedroom but i just feel so stupid. He's told me i ended things, it's all my fault I've fucked up everything etc. How the hell did i not see these red flags or am i in wrong. I got angry for him yelling at the dog but i dont really think it was dogs fault he forgot to shut a gate. Literally all this is over. Everything seems to be twisted to my fault the slightest thing becomes something I've done. I left a really abusive relationship a couple of years ago and this guy seemed so nice and genuine so I just keep thinking is it me? Am i in the wrong? Or seeing flags where there aren't any?

I know in my heart maybe i need tl just walk away if this is what hes like but i keep second guessing myself

OP posts:
Iamnotalemming · 21/09/2024 21:08

Didn't want to read and run.

Do you feel safe? Do you have a friend who could come and get you? Can you call a taxi?

It sounds like a total overreaction on his part and I'm not surprised you feel shocked / upset.

hoarahloux · 21/09/2024 21:08

He lost his shit like that because your dog ate his cats food?

Get the fuck out. How can people be like this? Even if he's embarrassed over his mistake leaving the gate open, there's no excuse for that behaviour over such a minor thing. Give the cat another meal. Shut the dogs away.

You need to call a cab and leave tonight tbh.

AgnesX · 21/09/2024 21:09

It'll feel better in the morning, you've done the right thing in finishing it.

If you're safe that's good, but even if things seem better in the morning it's time to finish it.

5128gap · 21/09/2024 21:13

Lots of red flags. Getting angry with an animal over his own error. Losing his temper and shouting at an animal for a minor inconvenience. Playing power games with you by threatening to throw you out when it's not safe or practical. Blaming you for everything. He may well be capable of being lovely when he chooses, but he's a nasty piece of work when he wants to be. Given your history in particular I think he's the last thing you need and you're right to move on. Keep things calm tonight and until you are able to get to the station safely. Could someone fetch you? Or is a taxi an option?

Original poster
Namechange1990 · 21/09/2024 21:15

Sadly there aren't taxis that come out here and i have no other friends. I will just keep my mouth shut tonight

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechange1990 · 21/09/2024 21:16

Trying not to cry i feel so stupid

OP posts:
Autumnismyfavouritetimeofyear · 21/09/2024 21:35

Not stupid, just misled. For someone to over react like this is crazy - you are right to see it as a problem. Better to see it now - hope you can get out early tomorrow. Thank goodness you have somewhere to go to. Hang in there.

Curtainsformeplease · 21/09/2024 21:41

It’s his fault, not yours. You are not an idiot, he is.
Make sure you leave in the morning and don’t look back. Good luck xx

timeforanewmoniker · 21/09/2024 21:43

I think the animals need rescuing as well as you, he sounds unhinged.

IsitaHatOrACat · 21/09/2024 21:48

If you are not safe please phone the police and ask for help to get out safely.

IsitaHatOrACat · 21/09/2024 21:49

And stop blaming yourself for his shitty behaviour.
First priority is your safety. Then deal with anything next

sarahzbaker · 21/09/2024 21:53

Don't feel stupid - how could you foresee he would act like a POS?

UpUpUpU · 21/09/2024 21:59

You don't need a head wobble, just to leave safely tomorrow.

However, if you fall for his begging tomorrow when he tries to tell you how sorry he is, then you will need a head wobble! Please ring a friend to help you move out tomorrow

Original poster
Namechange1990 · 21/09/2024 22:02

I am managing to keep on the way tonight in another room and will def be leaving one way or another tommorow. Apologies in advance for random messages on here i have no friends so just need to vent to stay strong and leave. Thank you all for helping me see sense

OP posts:
tothelefttotheleft · 21/09/2024 22:14

If you need to lie to leave safely for example saying that this isn't the end it's just a break from each other then do that. All that matters is that you get out safely.

hoarahloux · 21/09/2024 22:17

Hang in there for tonight. Try to get some sleep.

In the morning he will probably be remorseful and apologetic. You've seen his reality. Don't let him sway you. I'm sorry, this must be horrible for you.

Els1e · 21/09/2024 22:27

You're not stupid. Give your dogs a hug and try and get some sleep. Tomorrow try and talk calmly to him about both of you needing space. Offer him the petrol money to run you home. Just stay safe. 💐

Mojodojocasahous · 21/09/2024 22:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Mojodojocasahous · 21/09/2024 22:43

Sorry op! Wrong thread!

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/09/2024 02:00

I hope you’re ok. Let us know you’re safe and away from this man.

LeavesTrees · 22/09/2024 02:08

If you can’t leave and are still awake I would push something heavy up against the bedroom door like the bed just incase. He sounds weird.

Original poster
Namechange1990 · 22/09/2024 07:08

What an awful nights sleep! Apparently we cant go till 10 as petrol station isnt open (bull*)!! Am just staying in the room out the way. Am feeling less stupid and more bloody angry! How dare this cock waffle make me feel like im crazy... Def well shot of all this

OP posts:
Justleaveitblankthen · 22/09/2024 07:23

So he's driving you home 🤔 Is there any other option?
Sounds like he's currently still being a nasty Dick this morning?
Yes, just stay out of the way until then.

If he starts to apologise on the journey, I would echo what a PP has said. Be agreable and say you'll have a few days to yourself.
Don't give him an excuse to kick off.
I had a similar, very angry Ex who drove ( my own car) like a maniac the 10 miles back to my home, just because I was quiet on the way to the cinema (didn't feel well) I was terrified as it was an accident blackspot with signs everywhere.

He sounds unhinged like mine was💐

Theunamedcat · 22/09/2024 07:26

Start walking personally

He is making excuses

Chessfan · 22/09/2024 07:27

AgnesX · 21/09/2024 21:09

It'll feel better in the morning, you've done the right thing in finishing it.

If you're safe that's good, but even if things seem better in the morning it's time to finish it.

Definitely this, you have to get to know someone to know they're an abuser, or a bad person in some other way, it can take time to see their true colours.

You've just seen his true colours and you've finished it immediately and are waiting to get out as soon as you can. That makes you strong and clever. He's not only been abusive, he's then left you feeling isolated and alone in the middle of nowhere, which is awful. Make sure you leave as soon as you can and don't look back. Good luck OP.