Have I got it easy?

[Dotty1000]

DP and I have a toddler together but don't live together. I also have a primary aged child from a previous relationship. I work full time but he doesn't work due to health conditions .He has to do school pick up and drop offs 3x a week for my older child and pick up our toddler from nursery 3 days a week and look after the toddler 1 day a week.
I get woken up in the night every night by toddler and get up with her and put her to bed 7 days a week.
I have to organise absolutely everything at home shopping cooking bills as it's my home but he helps when he feels like it. I have given up the gym, seeing friends because as soon as I get back he'll go out as he 'needs a break' so I'm left again to do everything else myself.
He complains that I'm miserable when I'm just exhausted and says I have it easy as I get to go out to work and get a break from the kids. He then complains the house is a mess as expects me to clean after I have been working full time put baby to bed do dinner and then have another sleepless night.
AIBU? should I just be a better mother or have I got it easy?

Your post is confusing as you say you don't live together and that he expects you to clean up your own house. Do you mean he's at your house while you're out and doesn't clean up after himself?

You clearly know YANBU. Why doesn’t he live with you?

He stays at my house during the week while I'm at work

No. Just no. Broken sleep is just the worst. No lie in to catch up physically or mentally. Doing all the house. Doing all the work. Doing all the mental load I expect. No. Not easy.

He doesn't want to give up his flat as would be homeless if things didn't work out

Why doesn't he have the youngest at his overnight once a week so you can get a decent night?

Then he should obviously clean up after himself. Expecting you to clean up after him when you've been at work all day is ridiculous behaviour.

Get the loser to fuck, seriously. You're pretty much a single parent anyway, so what difference would it make?!
He adds nothing to your life but a bit of childcare.
And not giving up his flat in case it doesn't work with you ... talk about a vote of no confidence!
You don't have it easy, putting up with this manchild.
Sorry, OP

He doesn't think my life is deserving of a lie in as I have it so easy anyway

He sounds like a complete shit. Kick him out. You and the kids deserve better!

He does clear up after himself and does do stuff in the house but not consistently

Then he's a deluded, gaslighting shithead!

Tell him if he doesn't like it he can go and use his own gas and electricity at his own flat

What are his health conditions and what impact do they have on him, because that makes a massive difference to expectations (although he should still be cleaning and tidying up after himself).

But you had a child together 🤔

OP he's obviously very selfish and self involved and is telling you whatever it takes to shut you up. He tells you you have it easy because it deflects from his awful behaviour.

I would expect him to have the house clean and dinner on the table before he leaves. I wouldn't expect him to do anything else in the house if he doesn't live there. I would expect him to buy clothes and other things for the baby.

Why did you have a baby with him if he wasn’t willing to commit?

If he doesn't work due to health conditions does that mean he's disabled? Is he capable of all tasks?

Do his health issues actually prevent him from working? Irrespective of that - he should be cleaning up after himself and the kids if he is around when the mess is created.
It sounds a little like he will happily look after his own toddler but isn't so keen with your older child. How much time is he actually spending on the school runs and after school? Come to that how much time do you and him get to spend together if he disappears off when you come home from work.
Children are hard work especially after a long day at work but they won't be so much work as they grow and become more independent. But he doesn't sound like much of keeper to be fair.

Sounds like he has a council flat and doesn’t want to give that up. Did you not discuss this before having a baby? It was always going to cause resentment!

You aren't asking for a lie in, you are asking for an uninterrupted night.

I'm not too fussed about living together

He has my oldest from 3.30pm and the toddler from 6pm 3 days a week until I'm back from work then I take over maybe 6/7pm

He sounds horrific! Certainly not like a partner or someone who loves you.

Id make it really easy for him - you don’t sound like a partnership in any real sense, so I would make the split official and he can look after his child at least solo and overnight during his contact time.

He sounds like a knob. Glad you’re not stuck with him all the time. You’ll be ok long term, I realise it’s a slog now but he’s a jerk and you can do better.