Have I got it easy?

[Dotty1000]

DP and I have a toddler together but don't live together. I also have a primary aged child from a previous relationship. I work full time but he doesn't work due to health conditions .He has to do school pick up and drop offs 3x a week for my older child and pick up our toddler from nursery 3 days a week and look after the toddler 1 day a week.
I get woken up in the night every night by toddler and get up with her and put her to bed 7 days a week.
I have to organise absolutely everything at home shopping cooking bills as it's my home but he helps when he feels like it. I have given up the gym, seeing friends because as soon as I get back he'll go out as he 'needs a break' so I'm left again to do everything else myself.
He complains that I'm miserable when I'm just exhausted and says I have it easy as I get to go out to work and get a break from the kids. He then complains the house is a mess as expects me to clean after I have been working full time put baby to bed do dinner and then have another sleepless night.
AIBU? should I just be a better mother or have I got it easy?

He's never had her at his and I don't think he would so id never ever have a break and don't know how I'd get by needing even more childcare not that I'm sure I could find something suitable at the times I need

I have zero flexibility at work nor in a position to reduce my hours

But you can’t stay in a relationship that sounds so miserable just for childcare.

If you split up, and he wanted to see her, he’d have to have her at his.

This, I'm assuming it's something like fibromyalgia.

Thats some loser you have inflicted on yourself and those poor children.
Thank goodness he isn't living with you.

He has my oldest from 3.30pm and the toddler from 6pm 3 days a week until I'm back from work then I take over maybe 6/7pm

Sorry but he's completely taking advantage of you. It would probably be easier to send eldest to after school club. Do you have parents nearby who could help instead? Or the father?

I am struggling to see what exactly he is bringing to the party. You would probably be better off all round without him involved.

You have all the rubbish bits of being in a relationship, and none of the positives. No wonder you're exhausted.

The tricky part is that he provides childcare for your eldest. He kinda has you over a barrel with that. If you were to split you wouldn't get any CM from him, so this childcare he is doing is worth more than what you would get if you separated. But no, you don't have it easy. But I imagine his attitude isn't anything new to you.

He'd also not get benefits if he said he was living with someone during the week

Ditch him

He's taking you for a total ride

🙄

He has a flat. Tell him to go back and live in it.
He's not adding anything to your life, other than stress

This. My suggestion would be to start to make small changes to improve things for yourself and gradually build up your independence from him in terms of childcare, then let him go. It sounds like he’s completely lacking in any kind of empathy for how hard and full-on this situation is for you.

Does your older DC enjoy going to him so often? Is after school club an option?

This competitive tiredness, or who's got it the worst will kill a relationship and isn't a healthy relationship