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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Positive HPV smear…cheating husband?

112 replies

BananaHamock · 21/09/2024 17:11

Hi all. So, I’ve just received smear results and they show I’m positive for HPV (and have cell changes…) Besides spiralling at needing a colposcopy, I’m now desperate to hear how you can get HPV without intercourse/skin to skin contact.

Dr. Google seems pretty insistent that’s the only way. So is the only conclusion my husbands playing away?

OP posts:
BananaHamock · 21/09/2024 17:38

Haha…you could say so. Lockdown made something flip in him and a previously perfect marriage went to 💩. Caught him going to meet another woman while telling me he was meeting friends, though he’s still insistent it was completely innocent. We’ve had a very rough few years but I thought we were getting there and are now trying for a baby. But if he did actually cheat, I don’t know if I’d be able/want to…which is why where/how the HPV has come from is so important. I don’t want to loose my shit at him yet without a better understanding

OP posts:
sunsetsandboardwalks · 21/09/2024 17:39

DysonSphere · 21/09/2024 17:36

Is it better that they looked for cell changes as opposed to now just checking for HPV?

So could women be suffering anxiety unnecessarily as opposed to the past when you knew bugger about having HPV and only concerned yourself with cell changes?

Just wondering.

The reason they only check for changes if you have HPV is because something like 97% of cervical cancers are caused by HPV. So if you don't have it, the chances of you having any changes are virtually zero.

But there is an argument that some people do get cancer without having HPV, and this way could potentially miss those people.

BananaHamock · 21/09/2024 17:41

BeerForMyHorses · 21/09/2024 17:30

I wouldn't blow up your life over this. Do you have any other reason to think he cheated ?

Haha…you could say so. Lockdown made something flip in him and a previously perfect marriage went to 💩. Caught him going to meet another woman while telling me he was meeting friends, though he’s still insistent it was completely innocent. We’ve had a very rough few years but I thought we were getting there and are now trying for a baby. But if he did actually cheat, I don’t know if I’d be able/want to…which is why where/how the HPV has come from is so important. I don’t want to loose my shit at him yet without a better understanding

OP posts:
Commonsense22 · 21/09/2024 17:43

BananaHamock · 21/09/2024 17:11

Hi all. So, I’ve just received smear results and they show I’m positive for HPV (and have cell changes…) Besides spiralling at needing a colposcopy, I’m now desperate to hear how you can get HPV without intercourse/skin to skin contact.

Dr. Google seems pretty insistent that’s the only way. So is the only conclusion my husbands playing away?

OP, I tested positive BEFORE I became remotely sexually active. This happens more often than the medical establishment likes to admit.

The know-it-alls on here who tow the nhs line will jump in to scoff at this but no, it's not just an std. Who knows how? Public toilets?
I have heard this is also more likely to occur if you're immuno deficient (I am)

Honestly like many things, they just prefer to keep this from the public and have purposely never done any serious research on the matter.

LostTheMarble · 21/09/2024 17:45

BananaHamock · 21/09/2024 17:41

Haha…you could say so. Lockdown made something flip in him and a previously perfect marriage went to 💩. Caught him going to meet another woman while telling me he was meeting friends, though he’s still insistent it was completely innocent. We’ve had a very rough few years but I thought we were getting there and are now trying for a baby. But if he did actually cheat, I don’t know if I’d be able/want to…which is why where/how the HPV has come from is so important. I don’t want to loose my shit at him yet without a better understanding

Oh god. So you’ve had a positive HPV result and he was caught meeting other women? It may be two and two makes five but I’m not sure this is a man to commit to making a baby with.

DrunkTinkerbell40s · 21/09/2024 17:46

As others have said, it can lie dormant for years.
My husband and I were both virgins when we got together, but we had had sexual interactions with others before. My doc says I still need to have smear tests because it could lie dormant in either of us because we had done stuff ;-) so it's not just full blown sex that can cause it to pass on x

DysonSphere · 21/09/2024 17:47

Commonsense22 · 21/09/2024 17:43

OP, I tested positive BEFORE I became remotely sexually active. This happens more often than the medical establishment likes to admit.

The know-it-alls on here who tow the nhs line will jump in to scoff at this but no, it's not just an std. Who knows how? Public toilets?
I have heard this is also more likely to occur if you're immuno deficient (I am)

Honestly like many things, they just prefer to keep this from the public and have purposely never done any serious research on the matter.

Edited

I mean I'm sure I've read some random article in the past that has suggested you can even contract it from your mothers birth canal at birth. I do not remember where I read it and only remember being quite surprised at the info. So whether it's true I cannot ascertain with certainty.

RethinkingLife · 21/09/2024 17:49

BirthdayRainbow · 21/09/2024 17:26

Thank you.

Do You know what activates it or is everything just a coincidence?

Transitory immune system changes, hormone changes (pregnancy, peri-menopause, menopause), a number of things.

www.jostrust.org.uk/information/hpv/faqs#

news.cancerresearchuk.org/2021/06/16/lets-talk-about-hpv-6-common-questions-answered/

BirthdayRainbow · 21/09/2024 17:50

I think I'm more confused than before. I don't really want to post all my business but I would really like to understand more.

BirthdayRainbow · 21/09/2024 17:50

RethinkingLife · 21/09/2024 17:49

Transitory immune system changes, hormone changes (pregnancy, peri-menopause, menopause), a number of things.

www.jostrust.org.uk/information/hpv/faqs#

news.cancerresearchuk.org/2021/06/16/lets-talk-about-hpv-6-common-questions-answered/

Thank you. I did post on there but couldn't really get what I needed.

Derwent01 · 21/09/2024 17:51

Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is primarily transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, especially during sexual activities. However, it is possible to contract HPV through less direct forms of transmission, although these routes are far less common. Here are several ways one might potentially get HPV without intercourse or direct skin-to-skin contact:

  1. Contaminated Objects (Fomites)
HPV can survive on surfaces for a short period, leading to the potential, though rare, risk of transmission via objects. For example:
  • Shared personal items: HPV could, in theory, be transmitted through items like razors or towels, particularly if they have come into contact with an infected area of the body.
  • Sex toys: Even without direct sexual contact, using contaminated sex toys could potentially spread the virus.
  1. Vertical Transmission (Mother to Baby)
A pregnant woman with an active HPV infection can pass the virus to her baby during childbirth. This form of transmission can cause respiratory papillomatosis, where warts form in the baby's airway.
  1. Non-Genital Contact with Infected Areas
Although HPV is often associated with genital warts, it can infect other parts of the body, such as the hands or throat. Therefore, non-sexual skin-to-skin contact with an infected person's non-genital skin, such as their hands or mouth, could theoretically spread the virus.
  1. Transmission via Oral or Oropharyngeal Contact
HPV can infect the mouth and throat, and while oral HPV is often linked to oral sex, it might also be transmitted through other forms of mouth-to-mouth or object contact, such as kissing or sharing utensils, though this is rare.
  1. Public Spaces (Low Risk but Possible)
HPV is not typically classified as a virus that spreads easily in public environments. However, there is a very low but possible risk of contracting HPV in public areas, such as locker rooms, if an individual has open sores or compromised skin barriers.
  1. Asymptomatic Shedding
HPV can be shed by infected individuals who show no visible signs of infection, like warts or lesions. This increases the possibility of undetected transmission in seemingly non-sexual situations. Conclusion While HPV transmission without direct sexual or skin-to-skin contact is uncommon, it is possible through indirect routes such as contaminated objects, mother-to-child transmission, or non-genital skin contact. Prevention strategies like vaccination and practicing good hygiene with personal items can significantly reduce the risk of HPV transmission in these scenarios.
Jollein · 21/09/2024 17:52

I had a positive HPV a couple of years ago which appeared after a pregnancy and childbirth. I've been with DH 14 year and I'm as sure as anyone can be that he hasn't cheated. It was just dormant and came to the surface probably due to the pregnancy.

The difference is though that I have no reason to doubt my husband and I've never felt like he was cheating or going to cheat.

I would get a full test for STIs etc too just to be on the safe side.

Josephinesnapoleon · 21/09/2024 17:57

BananaHamock · 21/09/2024 17:41

Haha…you could say so. Lockdown made something flip in him and a previously perfect marriage went to 💩. Caught him going to meet another woman while telling me he was meeting friends, though he’s still insistent it was completely innocent. We’ve had a very rough few years but I thought we were getting there and are now trying for a baby. But if he did actually cheat, I don’t know if I’d be able/want to…which is why where/how the HPV has come from is so important. I don’t want to loose my shit at him yet without a better understanding

Not sure why that’s funny. Of why you’re even asking op. You know he’s a cheat and that’s why it’s showed up. I’m sorry but deep down you know.

liverpudcounsel · 21/09/2024 17:57

I had regular smears, all clear. Then positive result after no sex for 5 years. I was convinced they had it wrong, but the doctor insisted it was correct as the new method was totally reliable at checking hpv. I got the whole dormant yada yada stuff.
I had used a tampon the morning of the smear test as I was just coming off and didn’t want to miss another appointment, I think this had something to do with it.
I checked in with a private practice after a week of this “positive result” and that one came back negative.
I had one done after 6months with an nhs hospital due to the “positive result” and that came back negative. But was ofcourse told it had cleared up. Rubbish.
Norhing is full proof

Ladymuck2022 · 21/09/2024 17:57

No, be careful with this thinking.

Never had penetrative intercourse.

HPV positive April 23 notably the only current thing was a 4 week stay in hospital and I hadn’t been active with anyone since 2021
12 monthly smear later
No hpv back to 3 yearly smears and I’m past the age of any vaccine.

I’m left so glad I didn’t say anything to the male in and out / on off my life since 2019.
I’m sure the doctors would want to claim my obesity plays a factor in acquiring cancer, very hard when you’ve lost 4 stone 🤷🏻‍♀️ but nonetheless it is what they like to trot out despite not listening.

lanthanum · 21/09/2024 17:58

Commonsense22 · 21/09/2024 17:43

OP, I tested positive BEFORE I became remotely sexually active. This happens more often than the medical establishment likes to admit.

The know-it-alls on here who tow the nhs line will jump in to scoff at this but no, it's not just an std. Who knows how? Public toilets?
I have heard this is also more likely to occur if you're immuno deficient (I am)

Honestly like many things, they just prefer to keep this from the public and have purposely never done any serious research on the matter.

Edited

They do need to make it clearer that HPV infection is not always via sex. The impression given is that it is always sexually transmitted, and it's quite hard (but not impossible) to locate anything which contradicts this. If people believe that it is only sexually transmitted, then many women who are not sexually active will stop going for smears, now that they are only looking for HPV.

pinkfleece · 21/09/2024 17:59

BananaHamock · 21/09/2024 17:16

Been together 15 years, married 10, I lost my virginity to him. I’ve had multiple smears during this time. Would it not have shown up in one of those?

primary HPV testing has only been nationwide for a year or two, introduced piecemeal in various areas before that so no, you could have had it and not tested for. 80% of sexually active people have it. Did he have a partner before you?

Isis1981uk · 21/09/2024 18:00

My understanding is that most people who have been sexually active have it, and it comes and goes. It showed up in one of my smears, so I had to go back for another one 3 months later, and it had gone again. It's not an indicator of someone cheating. The 'old-style' smears weren't looking for HPV, it a relatively new thing, which why you may not have known you had it before.

Fluffyelephant · 21/09/2024 18:00

BananaHamock · 21/09/2024 17:16

Been together 15 years, married 10, I lost my virginity to him. I’ve had multiple smears during this time. Would it not have shown up in one of those?

When did you last have a smear test?

They changed the process for it a few years ago. They didn’t used to check for HPV but immediately checked for abnormal cells. So I don’t think people were previously told they were HPV positive.

They now test everyone for HPV and only those who are positive then have their cells checked for abnormalities.

DojaPhat · 21/09/2024 18:02

All else being equal if this is the only thing to have brought to your attention that your husband might be cheating then he's most likely not cheating.

ManchesterLu · 21/09/2024 18:04

BananaHamock · 21/09/2024 17:16

Been together 15 years, married 10, I lost my virginity to him. I’ve had multiple smears during this time. Would it not have shown up in one of those?

I haven't read all of the messages, but smears have only recently changed to being checked for HPV first. Previously they checked for cell changes first. So as long as the cells hadn't changed, an active HPV infection may not have been picked up.

But, as others have said, it can stay dormant in your system and is NOT by any means a sign he's cheated.

Blinkingbonkers · 21/09/2024 18:08

As others have said a positive HPV test is absolutely in no way proof that your dh has cheated - he may have picked it up with a previous partner and it can stay dormant for years & years and loads & loads of people carry it. Did they not explain this to you when they gave you the result? That’s pretty shocking.

OldCrocks · 21/09/2024 18:11

Hmm, well, I'm sure people are right about the possibility for dormancy, but personally I only know of 2 people in real life who have had abnormal cell changes detected on smears after years and years of normal ones while in a stable relationship, and in both cases it turned out there had been a cheating partner. So if it happened to me I would have a high index of suspicion tbh, particularly if there were other reasons to be suspicious.

BananaHamock · 21/09/2024 18:11

Blinkingbonkers · 21/09/2024 18:08

As others have said a positive HPV test is absolutely in no way proof that your dh has cheated - he may have picked it up with a previous partner and it can stay dormant for years & years and loads & loads of people carry it. Did they not explain this to you when they gave you the result? That’s pretty shocking.

I’ve literally only just opened the letter referring me for a colposcopy, so haven’t spoken to anyone yet.

OP posts:
Missflowerpots · 21/09/2024 18:13

All my tests have been clear until my last one.
My last smear test was 6 months ago and I was positive as well.
I've been single 9 and a half years.