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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just hate my life?

46 replies

flowerofwild · 21/09/2024 15:43

I’m so lonely.

I have good family and friends. But I come home and it’s just me, I can spend a weekend having spoke to no one.

I don’t want this to be my life.

OP posts:
poppyzbrite4 · 21/09/2024 15:45

No clubs, societies, sports, courses you can join? Have you tried meetup.com?

Clumsy12345 · 21/09/2024 15:46

Think about what you do have. Some of us have no friends and abusive family. If you want a partner then get out there

Comedycook · 21/09/2024 15:46

Having friends and family is a positive thing though op

Are you wishing you had a partner?

BMW6 · 21/09/2024 15:49

Then you need to take up something to do with others at weekends.

What interests do you have? Are you up for something physical/sport? What do you do for a living? Do you really like animals? Do you drive/have transport?

Tell us about yourself. I'm sure someone will think of something you could go for to get you out, about, and meeting people for conversation and well-being.

flowerofwild · 21/09/2024 15:50

Comedycook · 21/09/2024 15:46

Having friends and family is a positive thing though op

Are you wishing you had a partner?

I’d love a partner. Unfortunately I’m always the woman they are with and leave for someone better. Happened with every single one of them.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 21/09/2024 15:59

That's very unlucky for you OP. Have you fallen into the habit of thinking that they'll go off with someone else and causing them to because you're pretty negative and vocal about it?

I'm not trying to be horrible, but we can all fall into that mindset and it's not easy to recognise it and get out of it unless we are frank with ourselves.

BabyR · 21/09/2024 16:22

I sympathise with you. I’m in a similar position and it’s hard.

I have family but they have their own lives. I only hear from them when I visit them. None of them have visited my new house and I’ve been here for around 9 months.

My only real friend lives a few hours away but we talk everyday and I’m so grateful for them. There’s a couple of others I can have mindless chat with but there’s nobody I can see on an evening or weekend.

I had surgery in August - I had to go alone, wait alone for 7 hours and then come home and recover alone while being a parent to my teen daughter. My family didn’t check up on me as it was insignificant in their eyes.

People always suggest making new friends but it can be difficult. It’s hard having nobody to turn to. Nobody to make plans with. Joining a group doesn’t automatically fix these things. Feeling lonely also has nothing to do with wishing there was a partner around for many of us.

I wanted you to know you aren’t alone in feeling this way and I hope things get better for you.

Phineyj · 21/09/2024 16:26

This will depend totally what you are into but I made lots of friends when I joined a choir. Plus bonus - weekend concerts!

Daltonbear1 · 21/09/2024 16:29

Clumsy12345 · 21/09/2024 15:46

Think about what you do have. Some of us have no friends and abusive family. If you want a partner then get out there

Yeah and then put being bigger and having disability and not leaving home very well so isolated as not working on top if all that .

Daltonbear1 · 21/09/2024 16:32

BabyR · 21/09/2024 16:22

I sympathise with you. I’m in a similar position and it’s hard.

I have family but they have their own lives. I only hear from them when I visit them. None of them have visited my new house and I’ve been here for around 9 months.

My only real friend lives a few hours away but we talk everyday and I’m so grateful for them. There’s a couple of others I can have mindless chat with but there’s nobody I can see on an evening or weekend.

I had surgery in August - I had to go alone, wait alone for 7 hours and then come home and recover alone while being a parent to my teen daughter. My family didn’t check up on me as it was insignificant in their eyes.

People always suggest making new friends but it can be difficult. It’s hard having nobody to turn to. Nobody to make plans with. Joining a group doesn’t automatically fix these things. Feeling lonely also has nothing to do with wishing there was a partner around for many of us.

I wanted you to know you aren’t alone in feeling this way and I hope things get better for you.

People say oh just go out, like where when I was younger I did everything on my own no friends really nights out on my own. But now I can't walk very well and have a lot of anxiety there is no places to join as its for people that can walk in can get places very well even going to a theatre I did with a friend was a palaver so I can see it's hard but even harder if you have issues on top.

GiddyRobin · 21/09/2024 17:06

How old are you, OP? What kind of interests do you have? You've not mentioned anything physical such as a disability so pardon me if I'm wrong in any suggestions.

Obviously, joining groups won't be a magical solution, but they're often a good way of meeting people (and potential partners). Places I've met friends and partners, outside of education and work related events:

Fencing
Jewellery making/glassworks classes
Art classes
Gallery events/exhibition openings
Choir practice
Book clubs
Archery

Obviously these are all to my tastes, I don't know yours. But the rule of thumb I've found is that there's usually something somewhere if there's an interest. And, to be honest, a good few of them I didn't think I'd enjoy until I tried it.

It sounds like you've had a rough time of it, but if you'd like to meet someone then putting yourself out there is going to be helpful. In the meantime, are you taking care of yourself? Doing things you like for you? Getting plenty of sleep, eating well, getting some exercise, spending time on any personal hobbies, keeping up on personal grooming? They're all things that can feel a chore when you're low, but do help you feel more human. Loving yourself, or at least liking yourself, is important, and other people can pick up on that sort of thing, too.

flowerofwild · 21/09/2024 20:19

Thank you everyone, I don’t deserve your kindness.

OP posts:
flowerofwild · 21/09/2024 20:21

BMW6 · 21/09/2024 15:59

That's very unlucky for you OP. Have you fallen into the habit of thinking that they'll go off with someone else and causing them to because you're pretty negative and vocal about it?

I'm not trying to be horrible, but we can all fall into that mindset and it's not easy to recognise it and get out of it unless we are frank with ourselves.

I never vocalised it to any of the men, but I just expect it now. I knew from an early age that I’d end up lonely.

I just can’t take the emptiness and continuous crying every day and night and the helpless thought of it’s not going to get better.

OP posts:
CucumberBagel · 21/09/2024 20:23

flowerofwild · 21/09/2024 15:43

I’m so lonely.

I have good family and friends. But I come home and it’s just me, I can spend a weekend having spoke to no one.

I don’t want this to be my life.

Sounds like heaven to me. Let's swap

SecondFavouriteDinosaur · 21/09/2024 20:26

CucumberBagel · 21/09/2024 20:23

Sounds like heaven to me. Let's swap

Helpful 🙄

Ifoughthefight · 21/09/2024 20:26

Join a church, a lively one. No matter who or what

Phineyj · 21/09/2024 21:05

Aw OP, you sound really low.

I thought of a simple thing - are there any weekly programmes you like? I enjoy Strictly, but no-one in my house does. I like to read the watch along threads on here sometimes. It's company of a sort!

Have you got any pets? My daughter forced us to get gerbils at Easter. I wasn't keen but actually they're fascinating, easy to look after and rather cute.

OopsyDaisie · 21/09/2024 21:07

Sounds like a dream...
I feel as a woman you're dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 21/09/2024 21:10

There are some really unsympathetic people on here tonight! I'm sorry OP, loneliness is horrible.

timetodecide2345 · 21/09/2024 21:10

It takes a lot of courage to get out there so start small and make your goal just to smile and say hi to someone every day. I smiled at a lady in Tescos today. She smiled back. I could tell it cheered us both up. Then build from there.

mycatsbestfriend · 21/09/2024 21:13

Do you have a pet ? I got my kitten when I was alone and sad and he really helped me feel better. Just another little being sharing the house

Barney16 · 21/09/2024 21:14

How old are you OP? I'm just wondering because some suggestions may be suitable for younger or older people.

OopsyDaisie · 21/09/2024 21:18

My previous post was unhelpful and selfish ans I apologise.
I'm going though a rough time myself and a Positivity Journal has helped me a lot (although not tonight).
Try one maybe

BMW6 · 21/09/2024 21:19

flowerofwild · 21/09/2024 20:21

I never vocalised it to any of the men, but I just expect it now. I knew from an early age that I’d end up lonely.

I just can’t take the emptiness and continuous crying every day and night and the helpless thought of it’s not going to get better.

Have you ever had counselling or therapy? You sound extremely depressed and "defeated" - I think perhaps you are giving off negative vibes because you are so convinced it is all hopeless.

Please, see your GP and get some help for this crushing depression. It could be a chemical imbalance in your brain that is totally fixable.

Imagine waking up thinking "I wonder what might happen today?" In a joyful way! Worth at least exploring don't you think?

Depression is a Real Thing, but it doesn't need to rule your life. Many extremely successful people have suffered with it - and gone on to have fulfilled lives. (Winston Churchill comes to mind)

Your life doesn't have to stay as bleak as it is presently. You can choose another path.

I really hope you do.

TheChosenTwo · 21/09/2024 21:22

flowerofwild · 21/09/2024 20:19

Thank you everyone, I don’t deserve your kindness.

Of course you do. Everyone deserves kindness. It’s hard feeling lonely 💐

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