Would you have wanted someone to have a word with your child in this circumstance?

[Purpleturtle46]

On the bus and my son's friend and his friend who I don't know get on, aged 13. I am in the non-priority seats a few rows from the front and the boys get on after me and sit in the priority seats.

As the bus continues through it's route the bus fills up and some older ladies get on the bus, one with a walking stick. The boys don't move from their seats so I offer my seat to older lady with walking stick but some older ladies, in 70s, still left standing.

The boys didn't notice me and I was out their earshot unless I raised my voice. Would you have said anything to them in this circumstance? If it was my son I would have wanted the friend's Mum to draw it to their attention but I wonder if other parents might see that as an overstep. They had their faces in their phones the whole time so probably weren't even aware of what was going on around them.

YABU- You wouldn't have wanted someone to have a word with the boys and seen it as an overstep.

YANBU- You would have wanted someone to draw it to their attention.

Yes, I would have spoken to them.

I would have asked them to move even if I didn't know them. I have done similar in the past. Some people advocate for themselves and others need strangers to step in.

Yes but I’d do it to any kid, not just ones I know. I’d just say ‘excuse me, if you are able to stand would you mind giving up your seat?’. Most kids would and if they don’t then they’ve been let down by their parents. When I take kids on school trips they generally do and otherwise I give them the side eye and they jump up.

I absolutely would have wanted someone to point it out to my ds. And I know he would have immediately offered his seat once he realised. Like so many teens he's often totally unaware of what's going on around him because hes glued to thaf bloody phone!

I wouldnt have said anything as my child would be embarrassed if i did (even though not there). 13 is an awkward age.

As a parent i would be happy for a friends parent or any adult to mention to them that they are in priority seats and supposed to give them up.

I would have went home and checked my own 13 year old is aware of priority seats and checked they know the right thing to do, saying i noticed their friends dont realise or dont move and he better behave better.

Yes, I would have said something even if I didn’t know the DC, unless the DC seemed threatening!

The only way this thread will go is endless people saying how dare you be so ablist as to even suggest these boys might be capable of standing. Don't you know they could have invisible disabilities. They have just as much as right to a seat as someone in their 70s. Being old doesn't give you priority. Children (even at 13) are more at risk of falling. Etc etc etc.
But in the real world, they should have been taught to stand for older (I don't mean just any adult. Actual older/elderly people), but chances are they were just being totally normal self absorbed teenagers. It would be nice if someone said something to them. But I wouldn't have myself. Too much risk of being threatened and sworn at where I live from the teens.

I think I would have wanted to say something, regardless of if I knew the kids or not. I'd imagine a lot of passive aggressive staring, tutting, and sighing was going on around these lads. But yet they are too engrossed in their phones? It's just rude.
Someone should've said, 'could you give this lady/person a seat please?' in quite a bombastic fashion.
I wasn't present for this but my mum who is 85, disabled and was using a stick had to stand while a healthy looking woman in her 30s occupied both priority seats with her arse and her huge shopping bags. She literally declined to move when asked.
Some people really do not give a shit. But young kids can hopefully learn. I think it's too late for that woman!

I didn’t vote as I’m half and half. I think you should have yelled out to the child you know, if you know they have no health conditions or hidden disabilities ‘oi, Liam, it’s Harry’s mum. Get your arse off the seat so one of the older folk can sit down’. BUT you shouldn’t have included both as you say you didn’t know the other child, so you have no idea of their situation.

I have one that you wouldn’t know to look but has severe health issues and needs a seat. I have been on transport with them when other people have ‘suggested’ they get up for an older person - I’ve been standing by the way. The issue is without someone older and confident to have their backs, they tend to just get up. However I say ‘no, it’s inappropriate, they have a need for the seat’. No one should have to give any personal information in this setting, let alone medical information. I find it’s then the oldies who become complete arseholes ‘young people these days, blah blah’. I then say ‘talk as much shit as you want, you are NOT getting that seat’. Then comes the ‘apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’ diatribe. Then I really take the gloves off. Entitled bunch. Makes the trip interesting for other passengers though I guess😁.

The only way this thread will go is endless people saying how dare you be so ablist as to even suggest these boys might be capable of standing. Don't you know they could have invisible disabilities. They have just as much as right to a seat as someone in their 70s. Being old doesn't give you priority. Children (even at 13) are more at risk of falling. Etc etc etc.

Why do people do this 'this is what everyone will answer' thing ?
In this case (as in most cases) the predictor of answers is wrong.

And if anyone reads the OP properly they'd know what a stupid answer that would be as OP knows these boys and knows they are not disabled.

I've given up offering my seat because so many old people get really offended by it, they don't seem to see themselves as old.

They shouldn't have sat in the priority seats in the first place if there were other seats vacant.

ETA I always accept a seat if it's offered, unless I'm getting off next stop, because I don't want people to be put off offering, like the pp. The next person might really need the seat.

Why couldn't the ladies in their 70's ask themselves

She said one of the boys was her sons friend. The other one she didn't know at all. And even by knowing one of them as a friend of her son, does that mean she knows his entire medical history?

Also the post above yours is talking about a child who doesn't look like he needs a seat but does and the arguments that happen when people ask him.

I wasn't present for this but my mum who is 85, disabled and was using a stick had to stand while a healthy looking woman in her 30s occupied both priority seats with her arse and her huge shopping bags. She literally declined to move when asked

Why didn’t she just sit on the bags? I’ve done that if people won’t move bags, or in one case a skateboard. I then started bouncing up and down on the skateboard (it was at an awkward angle) and said ‘I wonder how long it will take to break’. Skateboard was moved. Bags always get moved once you sit on them, although then they have to try and slide/wrestle them out from under you. If they give lip, just launch into a long and exhaustive lecture that lasts several stops on how seating on public transport works, and that’s it’s okay, they obviously didn’t know but you have been happy to explain.

You know nothing of the boys friend, he may well have his own mobility issues etc. just because he is young doesn't mean he is able to stand on a wobbly bus.

I'll never forget the time as a teen on the way to college, when I had a sprained ankle, strapped up under my trousers but hobbling and a load of older people started tutting when I didn't get up and give up my seat when they got on and the passive aggressive comments I could overhear. I ALWAYS gave up my seat normally and it made me feel very uncomfortable.

Why couldn't the ladies in their 70's ask themselves

Probably because they had encountered me on a previous trip when they did ask my child to move (they have needed a seat as a child (sat them on my lap), teen and as a young adult). 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why do people do this 'this is what everyone will answer' thing ?
In this case (as in most cases) the predictor of answers is wrong.

You know nothing of the boys friend, he may well have his own mobility issues etc. just because he is young doesn't mean he is able to stand on a wobbly bus.

There's one of the predicted answers @AmyDudley

If he had his phone in his hand I'd have dropped him a quick text and asked him to move.

It's her sons friend and his friend. So I doubt she would have any of their numbers.

I would definitely say something. If I didn't know them and was nearby I would also say something. It can be said in a way that doesn't embarrass them or makes them look rude. The "If you can stand, would you mind ..?" a pp suggested is perfect. Although I don't know why the people with walking sticks didn't, if they wanted to sit down. I've confronted kids before who were misbehaving (not suggesting it's the case here) and found them to be remorseful and polite, but perhaps I was just lucky.

See, I have always been on the ‘speak up’ side. However, I did this a few months ago and the poor young man had a foot cast I couldn’t see.

Also, you don’t you don’t know if the teen (the one you don’t know) had reason for the seat.

@RisingSunn apparently we aren't allowed to mention that the young person needed a seat for his own reasons.

Nope. I have four kids and their friends parents wouldn't know what their conditions are - I'd be v pissed off if someone 'called them out' especially if it was some random woman who recognised someone they were with.
And to the pp who 'predicted' this type of answer, aren't you lucky you can continue in your ableist view of the world where only the elderly have medical issues.

I offer and give up my seat if someone might need it, but sometimes I have needed the seat because I have had problems. I was on a bus once with a crutch on priority outer seat. It was hidden in part by my bulky winter coat.
Two elderly busy bods got on sat behind me and moaned to each other when I didn't stand up for someone. They were loud and pa, tutting and generally being a pita.
I swiveled in my seat to look at them and held the crutch up in view and said
"I'm not able to stand up do you have a problem with that?"
They blustered then started moaning about someone they knew who was doing something they didn't approve of. Pair of judgy twats