Men asking my age

[GratitudeGrump]

Curious to hear other people's experiences/opinions.

I'm 41 and look it as far as I'm concerned (grey hair, wrinkles etc). Over the last month three men have asked me my age. Two are people I met through work and one was a friend of a friend, so not people I'm close to. All the men were older than I am (50+) and on hearing my age one said I didn't look in my 40s and the others said I was young.

I always thought that beyond a certain point it was rude to ask someone their age? Being asked didn't really bother me, but after three different instances in a very short space of time, I'm finding it weird.

Is this a new thing to do with being in my 40s??

To be clear none of the men was hitting on me - two happened in a work context and one was at a family wedding.

YANBU, I wouldn’t answer them. I just say it’s rude to ask someone’s age.

No idea I just answer if I am asked

None of those contexts mean they weren't hitting on you.

Is it a weird sort of come-on then? It strikes me as a very odd way to strike up that sort of conversation.

It's not an odd way. It's an undesirable way (for you, and me, and most women!) but it's not unusual at all.

The men who you give in your example, are playing the romance equivalent of trying to set up a serve and volley.

The 'serve' to open the conversation, is "oh, what is your age?"

The volley (the line that they hope puts the doubt away and gets you to open up), is "oh..you don't look it!"

Do you see what I mean now?

One asked the age of my children, then asked my age and said I didn't look old enough to have kids that age (my kids are 11 and 13)
One said he'd recently had his 50th, I said happy birthday, he asked me my age and then said I was a 'mere baby.'
One just asked totally out of the blue, then told me his age and said I was very young compared to him.

All know I'm married - not that that necessarily makes a difference I suppose.

It's a risky one though - what if I'd said I was 31?? It'd have taken an effort to cover up the fact that I look way older than that!

Well in the context of at least the first two it makes sense....0

I suppose but I always thought asking anyone's age was a bit dodgy unless there was a good reason for it, especially when it comes to a man asking a woman. If I was asked once I'd not even notice it but being asked three times made me wonder what was going on!

Some people don't have manners. I just change the subject.

I definitely look old enough to have a 13 year old. But I know how being older can make everyone else look younger - I spoke to a doctor recently and had I not known her profession I would have sworn she was 17 at most.

I'm 41 and look it as far as I'm concerned (grey hair, wrinkles etc).

At 41?!?!

Yup, I have a massive grey streak in my hair (and lots of other streaks). I'm not covered in wrinkles but my eyes are not the eyes of a 25 year old. Also I'm getting 'jowly' which I hate.

Asking someone their age is only offensive to women. Men don't care. Equality says it should be ok these days to ask anyone unless it's a work discrimination thing.

Same.

Are you usually asked though? That's the bit that I found odd. The only time I've been asked my age since I was in school was in a medical context - now I'm asked three times!

I don't think equality means what you think it means.

I never ask anyone their age or their salary

I'm in my 30s, and people sometimes ask. Men and women.

In my case, it's because my face is "young". That's genetic - my late dad looked 50s when he was in his 70s. BUT, I have very dark hair that's going pretty grey, and I don't dye it. I have a silver streak and salt and pepper bits.

Appreciate there might be a difference, but honestly most people are just interested to know! I don't personally find it rude.

Maybe it's the grey hair? They associate it with an older person (because so many women dye their hair) but my face doesn't look particularly old.

I am hopeful for the time it gets to where it's not seen as offensive, because the only reason for it supposedly being offensive is people (women) not wanting to share their age, because of ageism. From both men and women. If we as a society stopped thinking getting older was an inherently negative thing, then we'd stop caring if people knew or recognised we were 57 or however old we were.

I agree, though I don't think it's offensive and happily answered - although the first time I was asked I was so unused to the question that I got my age wrong!