Men asking my age

[GratitudeGrump]

Curious to hear other people's experiences/opinions.

I'm 41 and look it as far as I'm concerned (grey hair, wrinkles etc). Over the last month three men have asked me my age. Two are people I met through work and one was a friend of a friend, so not people I'm close to. All the men were older than I am (50+) and on hearing my age one said I didn't look in my 40s and the others said I was young.

I always thought that beyond a certain point it was rude to ask someone their age? Being asked didn't really bother me, but after three different instances in a very short space of time, I'm finding it weird.

Is this a new thing to do with being in my 40s??

I don’t really feel that asking someone’s age is rude. It’s just lazy talk. How old are you, what’s your job?
I actually get asked a lot. I had my DD young, sheds 15 but looks 17-18. People assume we are friends/colleagues/cousins (we don’t look alike so not siblings) it often comes up when I’m with her. People are shocked that I’m old enough. (Not a humble brag- I feel I look my age, few grey hairs but no smile lines yet)

It could be! I haven't got an account anymore but there used to be a bit of a movement about going grey naturally on Instagram. Could be worth a little look to see if those women have the same conversations with people asking!

I love going grey. 😂 I remember getting really excited when I was in my teens and got my first grey hair!

I just don't think it's anyone's business, for me it's not to do with ageism.

I have been getting my age wrong most years since 32, unless I put proper thought into it. I don't know why, but that's the point my brain decided we didn't need to remember any more.

I get asked every now and then. Think you just had a strange coincidence of mutliple people not 'knowing it's rude' - or maybe, hopefully, the tide is changing.

Lots of people have some grey hair and wrinkles at that age

You make it sound like 41 is one foot into the grave.

An abundance of grey hair and wrinkles is NOT the norm for someone your age. I am a year younger and still mistaken for being in my early twenties.

Why would people think you were in your twenties if how you look is typical for your age?

I also get my age wrong. My dad used to age us (and himself) up, then I started doing it, then met DH who also does it as his mum did...I always feel like people think I'm lying when I pause a moment to remember! Once I blurted out my date of birth!

Well indeed. I had grey hairs in my early 30s but they're now dyed back to their natural colour (dark brown)😃

What I meant was the "I'm 41 and look it (grey hair, wrinkles etc)" comment sounds like she's 71, not 41!

My birthday is late in the year which is what confuses me because I calculate my age based on years. I'll be 42 this year but I'm not 42 yet!

I have started being asked my age more since I hit my 40s. By men often, but women too.

I think it’s because past a certain point people age quite differently. It’s obvious I’m neither young nor elderly, but there is a question mark over just how old I am. I’m not ageing especially ‘well’ so I don’t especially enjoy being asked, but I get the curiosity because I wonder about other people too. Wouldn’t ask them outright though!

But technically nothing is their business, is it? Like, what your favourite cereal is or whether you have a cat isn't their business, and so on, but you wouldn't get offended by them asking those questions. So doesn't that really mean you see the age thing as something more personal - and then I'm wondering why? Because my guess would be because you've been conditioned to treat it as personal, because of ageism. Not sure if I'm explaining my thought process very well here.

Oh God, same here! I vividly remember arguing in school about if I'd be 9 or 10 based on my year of birth. Everyone said I'd be 10 but my birthday is between Christmas and New Year, and ARGH! It still frazzles my brain now when I think about it too much. I'm 33, as far as I know. 😂

I don't want people to know my age for no other reason than it's personal information that belongs to me. Some people tell people everything, I'm quite private. I don't ask people their ages either as I don't really want to know.

They're not striking up convo - they're sussing you out as a potential. You might look younger than you think

It's the grey hair! I'm late 30s with a grey streak and am often asked. Society is used to women dying their greys away

And I'm not offended either. No ageing stigma here

What information do you consider not personal?

This is a solid rule of life.

It does seem odd to just come out with that. Unless age was being discussed more broadly and they were sharing theirs first.
I told a bloke the other day he looked good for about 60. He was mock offended and said he was 52! I think he got his revenge when I said to guess my age and he said 51. I said 'I'd be bloody delighted to look like this at 51!' it was all light-hearted banter in this case so a bit different. But maybe that's the way forward.
If I say I'm 70 then people will think I look fucking fantastic! Lol

Depends who I'm talking to. A conversation I have with the Dr will be different to a conversation at the bus stop.

I always ask why they need to know. I find the whole routine of them saying ooh you don’t look it, and being expected to pretend that it’s a genuine compliment you’ve never heard before, and the expectation that you’ll be flattered and happy when it’s probably more that they have an inaccurate expectation of what people look like at different ages quite tedious.

Its not your age OP, it's theirs. Ime men in their 50s are very preoccupied with age because it's started to hit them they're getting on a bit. They wanted to talk about age in the hopes you'd tell them they don't look 50s.

This falls into the social chit chat category for me, I've noticed women telling me about their menopausal brain, presumably because they recognise me as a fellow menopausal lady. They are making conversation around children, asking age as part of that and then doing the polite thing 'you don't look that old/you are younger looking' , which you may be of course.

I mean all attempts to find common ground can be intrusive, age, where you travelled from that day, culture, whether you have children, politics, religion, that's why it's hard to do this type of small talk but if you don't, then you can't find out anything about anyone or show any interest.

I don't think you need overthink this.

How rude. It's perfectly normal to have gray hairs or the odd wrinkle at this age.