AIBU to think stretch marks have ruined my life

[Wantachangefor2024]

I posted my first ever thread two and a half months ago. I weighed 15 stone. In these past few months I have lost two stone. However, instead of feeling more positive, I have stretchmarks that run from my pubic area right upto my belly button. All on my bum and thighs. How many of you ladies out there have them this bad? I look at social media and their holiday photos from this summer…just perfect skin. I feel like I’ll never be attractive, I’ve read up about every “cure” out there and this is something it seems can’t be fixed.

Most of the people I know with stretch marks are men who get them during puberty when they have big growth spurts.

Focus on your weight loss.

Surely you must feel more comfortable in clothes and being naked now than when you were larger?

I don't have them from weightloss, but I have them from puberty. Back then they were angry, bright red and all up my thighs, bum, and hips. They faded into a silvery colour over the years and I really like them now - they're quite pretty! I had one guy when I was about 19 grimace and ask what they were. He didn't get to see anymore of them!

I was expecting them from pregnancies, but it didn't happen. I was upset the first time because I'd previously miscarried and wanted my body to show that I'd had a child. It was probably grief talking, but there you have it. I've got a friend who had stretch marks on her belly from pregnancy. She waited until they went silver, then got this absolutely beautiful tattoo of wildflowers, using the marks as a kind of guide. Whenever we go to the beach she gets so many compliments.

Honestly, I'd not get yourself worked up. Skin stretches and changes for so many reasons. Most of us have those marks. Just look after your skin, look after yourself, and remember anything on social media is to be taken with a pinch of salt!

OP, you're absolutely allowed to feel self conscious and upset about these. Yes lots of us have them, I myself got particularly bad ones on my breasts in my late teenage years and whilst they have faded the skin is torn and textured. This caused me to be very self conscious and I spent more time stressing and rubbing various lotions and potions than I care to think.
Other than taking care of your skin and keeping it well moisturised with bio oil etc, there's really not a lot you can do about them.
Your weight loss is improving your health so please don't be dismayed, try and accept them and not focus your energy on them

Stretch marks haven't ruined your life, society's focus on women's bodies has!

I have stretch marks, it's really common. It doesn't define you. It doesn't stop you from being beautiful.

Definally bio oil...works a treat.

The way I see it is the vast majority of us won't show off our imperfections and cover up in a swimming costume and sarong and definitely don't post our not so skimpy pics online. You only see the few lucky ones with perfect bodies as they are body confident.

You're just one of lifes normal people, not one of the perfect airbrushed ones and that, is absolutely fine.

Congratulations on your weight loss, I wish I had your determination and willpower.

I believe Bio Oil is very good for stretch marks and other blemishes. Please don't feel like your life is over. You've achieved so much and none of us escape wear and tear :-) x

Reading through the replies and thank you for your support, but mainly your understanding. I’m not as vacuous as I sound. I know people have it worse. I haven’t had it really easy I had spinal surgery and was bed bound in a rehab centre and had a tumour in my mouth. But I do have really bad self esteem from getting so big. The shame of not earning my stripes through a baby. The shame that it’s not just celebrities. Friends post pictures and wear things and I can see they are not like me. I feel like the freak who has to hide what’s underneath. The worry of will I ever be attractive even if I get to a slim weight again. I don’t even think they look ugly. It’s what I fear a man would think. I wish I believed the world was a better place, but the beauty standards feel too high and unattainable

Stretch marks are fine OP, your body is something that you live in and use everyday, it's not there to sit on a shelf looking pristine.

Although having said that, weleda oil is very good.

Yes I am the same poster which makes me sound worse but my self esteem is so low that I fear looking worse. I have tried so hard these past few months and won at beating the food cravings.

I feel ruined in that I’m single. I don’t feel I’ll ever be attractive even if I get to a slim weight. Which I now feel is achievable. I know people have bigger worries but when you feel unlovable and inferior. It’s a lonely place to be.

Honestly, men generally don't notice, many men have them too, and if they do notice and don't like them it's an early warning they're an arsehole so you can get rid.

I've always had stretch marks and been significantly overweight for nearly all of my adult life. It has not prevented interest from men.

I'm covered in them and I really don't care! My body grew and birthed my children. My thighs had them even before I had children, come to think of it. But I still don't care and certainly wouldn't say they ruined my life.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. If it's any help - men have them too. DH has them from puberty, and he's very slim. I don't think anyone can look at your stretch marks and know what they're from - and even if they do know, it doesn't matter! Your body is yours.

If a man were to pull a face, tell him to bugger off so you can find someone better! Your body isn't an object for men's approval.

I have them on my stomach and they used to bother me. I lost a lot of weight and although my stomach is quite flat now it’s obviously still covered in stretch marks. I tried bio oil for a while and then I realised I had better things to worry about.

They don’t bother DH, they don’t bother me now so I’m not going to lose sleep over them.

I don't think we should berate the OP for saying the stretch marks are ruining her life. We all have our own insecurities and things we don't like about ourselves. If the OP says this is ruining her life then it clearly is having a huge impact on her. Who are we to say it is OTT or that the OP is lying or implying that it's ruining her life is a ridiculous statement. It matters big time to the OP and that is key.

OP I totally understand where you are coming from. I look at ladies in their bikinis on holiday and their flat, flawless tummys and I feel totally dismayed. It has a huge impact on me mentally, I don't want to cover myself up in a swimming costume. I want to be in a bikini like the rest of them and without feeling awful about myself while doing so. Hugs to you OP xxxx

Come off social media OP, and stop obsessing over other people's carefully curated heavily filtered photos. What you look like in a bikini is irrelevant to 99% of your life.

You're doing a great thing for your health losing the extra weight. Focus on that, on feeling fitter, less tired or breathless, whatever the physical effects are that you can identify, and try to get away from the idea that having a flawless body has got anything to do with real life.

Oh come on you can't be that naive you think pictures on social media can't be altered, air brushed etc?!

Happy and hopeful that your life turned out well. I’ve also had laser at a cost I’m ashamed to disclose and it’s done nothing.

I've had stretch marks from knees up, all over my thighs, buttocks, hips since I was 14. After pregnancy, I now have stretch marks all over my stomach too. I was never going to be a bikini model clearly but it has not ruined my life.

I live in a hot country now so I'm in a bathing suit a lot. It's actually helped my self esteem a lot as when we were living in the UK there was so much pressure to look good for the holiday photos. But now I'm in a swimsuit every weekend, and so is everyone I know, it becomes normalised. No one has a perfect body. No one. Almost everyone has stretch marks, cellulite, wonky bits.

Honestly I’m not going to have a go at you because you feel now you feel, and generally people can’t help how they feel.
Have any men told you that they find stretch marks unattractive? Have you dated someone who has made negative comments? Because I think the chances are that for most men, it isn’t going to be a problem. And if it is a problem, well that’s probably not the sort of man you want to be with anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Everyone has stretch marks, I had them on my boobs and thighs from growing fast as a teenager, not I have far more noticeable one all over my stomach and loose skin from pregnancy. Even my super fit, muscular partner has them on his thighs and bum from rapid growth as a teenager.

I suppose if you were really bothered about loose skin, you could look at surgical options but it sounds like you'd be better off setting a screen time limit on Instagram and training your algorithm to look at puppies and kittens instead.

OP, most men have them also.
I can guarentee that most men love them, and if they don't, fuck them.. not worthy of you anyway!
I had 2 c-sections, and hate the little fold on my tummy and scar I have there now, really knocks my confidence body wise sometimes, other times I have the "is what it is" attitude. But my DP loves every bit of me just as much as before, never once looked at me funny, made a comment, nothing.
Like a PP said, your body is just that, your body, it's not there for anyone else to criticise or give approval on.
Focus on your mindset, learn to love yourself! You've lost weight, be proud of this, and everything inbetween 😘

I don’t have stretch marks at all, I’m sure they must be genetic. BUT I have 3 scars from abdominal surgeries so am self conscious about my tummy. It’s the same area as you talk about - belly button downwards, except I don’t have a belly button anymore. BUT day to day it doesn’t bother me in the fucking slightest. Who sees it? My DH and DC and they love me.

On holiday I’m resigned to the fact I don’t wear bikinis anymore, but I forked out on two super expensive swimsuits this year for the beach and I’m more than happy. It’s a minor worry for two weeks in August, rest of the time it’s tucked away in a pair of knickers.

What makes you think men are put off by stretch marks? I’ve had two children and my husband has more stretch marks than I do, he grew about 6 inches one summer as a teen and has marks on his hips and lower back. I got through my pregnancies Scot free but ended with huge hip to hip scars both times, not pretty but one of those things. No one is flaw free, not your mates on insta, not celebrities.

I already had plenty from puberty and then with ballooning due to depression that’s where they have all come from. So yes I’m doing something about the weight, a third of the way there. I guess I thought I’d lose weight and accept myself more.

I didn’t realise how really low self esteem can really affect you day to day. So living with the constant worry and obsession of will I get loose skin, will a man be horrified when I take my clothes of (eventually) and knock my self esteem further into the gutter. I’d really love to meet someone, I’m at that age. But have zero confidence in myself. I went quite happily to have them lasered just thinking it was an improvement, but no big deal. I said to the woman, casually, are they really bad. Hoping she’d be like you look fine! She said “I’ve never seen them all over someone like that before.” The going over of one woman’s comments has plagued me and clearly I have issues if I let one woman’s opinion harm me. But I fear others judgement too.