Police welfare check on 1 year old due to.sons dad

[Leabee1234]

So I have a 1 year old son he just turned 1 last month. I had the police knocking on my door last night late for a welfare check.
Apparently last week my sons dad left him alone in the car for 10-15 minutes and a Tesco staff member called the police.
He told me that he left him for 30 seconds 1 metre away but he clearly lied as police said it was 10 minutes or 15 minutes.
The police asked about custody I advised he isn't on BC because of many other reasons in the past and they told me that I should stop contact as they are treating this as child neglect. They said its disgusting and anything could of happened which I agree with
I cried all night and not slept as I am SO angry when I trusted him
Even after he put me through hell pregnancy /postpartum cheating and leaving me for his ex
He is also going through court again for his older child as she is putting abuse claims in and he has another baby due with her in 3 weeks ! It's a huge mess!
However I put my feelings to the side and allowed contact for my sons sake
Me and him don't get on and have had many issues
He also is living at his dad's which isn't ideal or great to live in in a small box room and doesn't have a stable house yet
He said I am overreacting to what the police have told me! But promised he will never ever do it again and kept saying sorry
I now need to stop it all for my sons sake and think of his safety
I can't believe he did that when anything could of happened. I just know it will end up going throufh court eventually as he won't give up
Feeling so stressed. And so angry 😢

He is fucking stupid and an absolute risk to your child. Police report will be useful for court. Horrible for you and the baby.

You can move to supervised contact in a contact centre, they're not that costly, pay half each.

Then your son will still get to see his dad, and whatever you might think of him, children are entitled to a relationship with their parents as long as its safe for him and it would be if it was supervised and contained.

You're not overreacting to what he has done, although there are plenty of threads on here with robust debate about leaving children in cars when popping in for a bit of shopping. I wouldnt do it personally but some parents do, both mums and dads.

You have to stop contact, as you need to be seen to keep your dc safe.
If you let your DC go to him when the police have said it’s unsafe, you risk being judged as unsafe yourself.

Ask for the police report on the incident, or talk to social services. Make sure you are seen to be responsible.

This!

If he's not even on the birth certificate an me clearly an idiot why does your baby HAVE to see him ? Sounds like it would be more detrimental to the DC

Personally I would be stopping any contact (and if possible moving) so he couldn't locate me

The baby doesn't need to be unattended with him, it's not helpful to anymore. Stop contact and explain he's broken your trust and will need to go through a contact centre and start at the bottom if he wants contact again. He won't be arsed to go through proper channels, but atleast if he does you have the police report to make it supervised only.

The police have advised you to stop contact take their advice

I’d stop contact, as others have said. The fact he’s going through court regarding contact with other children and he still made a decision to put your baby at risk while in his care shows what kind of person he is.

Good idea. Its also good to have a paper trail explaining why you stopped contact - otherwise you can find yourself in the strange situation of the police saying you shouldn't let him have the baby and the family courts saying you should.
I also think contact centres could be a good compromise - if he wants to put the effort in he can see her regularly and if he does then that's good for the baby. If he isn't committed enough to do that then it will stop fairly quickly. But he can't then complain in the future that you stopped him seeing his child blah blah.

How did the police find you if the father isnt on the birth certificate? I’m frankly amazed that they left it so long to do a welfare check - they should surely have done one straight away, plus they would have spoken to social services. If you want to stop contact, you need to seek legal advice. The fact that his name isn't on the BC is pretty irrelevant because he could very easily get that changed should he so wish.

He's going through court for one child.for abuse claims. Going through it twice for yours won't go in his favour.

This incident, this is the fire in your belly. Every moment you talk to him is emptying your emotional bucket. It's time you could be with present or happier with your DC. It's time you are choosing not to use for you and DC, who are far better off without him.

Je is failing at life and he will pull you and DC down with him.

The police have made clear that this incident is a make or break moment for you. Stay split up, stop unsupervised access (tbf I think you have grounds to stop all access but if you won't then you need a third party I.e. your sister to supervise) and the incident is on record and you have a clean sheet that you are acting in DC interest. This is your best chance for the life you're and DC deserve.

Every moment wasted on him is a moment you could spend with DC, resting, working on your confidence (and I know you have confidence issues because you've let him damage you but at the moment you have enough that you've been strong to split up). Basically fill your bucket. Choose positive stuff for you and dc over negativity with him.

You only get one chance to be a good mum and you do it one choice, one second, one minute at a time.

Good luck, because you might have years of this prick in your life and you'll need to choose to be strong every day from now on to give your child a better life than their dad will.

Did the police mention a social services referral? I would anticipate that's what could happen and they too will make contact and honestly, the decision then will be out of your hands. The best choice you can make now is to listen to the police. Stop any unsupervised contact. Seek your own above from SS if they don't show up. If he wants contact, advise him to go to court through the correct and arrange it via official channels. That way Cafcass can assess his fitness to parent.

The police said you should stop contact so you absolutely must stop contact.

At least until this situation is concluded. It sounds as if they will prosecute in which case there may be conditions put on any contact if he is convicted.

The police will have needed to inform Social Services about this. You need to be able to show that you are a safe and reliable parent, not a parent who puts her baby straight back into the arms of a man who is being prosecuted for his / her neglect.

I am so sorry he has done this to you and your child, He is a stupid untrustworthy gaslighting liar. How dare he say you are over reacting? Tesco staff would not have called the police in his version. The police are very stretched: yet their evidence led them to make a welfare check!

And as a pp said, he was stupid enough to risk this while in a court battle for another child. He thinks he can do as he likes, he will never ever listen to advice, to police, to his children’s mothers, he thinks he is above it all.

See if the prosecution sticks, and then you can consider a contact centre.

But for now, follow police advice.

How, where or why did he leave him i the car for 10-15 minutes?

The police cant actually have witnessed that, pretty speedy police force if they did.

Good job the Tesco staff kept an eye

Unless married, Hlhe can't get added to the birth certificate unless mum agrees. He will need a court order for Declaration of Parentage.

Get it in writing from the police. You will need that evidence to explain to court why you stopped unsupervised contact.

Offer supervised contact. Court will expect that

If he wants contact it needs to be supervised, child contact centres provide such a service, generally in church halls on Saturdays

Not while the abuse/neglect claims are mounting could he quite easily go on the BC. The court will want him to do parenting etc classes.
OP if you ignore this and give him contact, then you are in danger of being seen as unable or unwilling to safeguard your son. If there are more instances then you are in danger of him going on a Child protection plan. You need to find out what the abuse claims are. Withdraw contact, you aren't doing it for his sake, given what's happened. Don't even consider paying towards a contact centre, as suggested. Your ex can get his shit together and work on the relationship once your son is verbal.

I agree with this

OP it’s very important to be seen to follow the police guidance. You need to be visibly complying with this. As others have said ask for the police report. It will probably go to SS and you need to be above reproach.

If you work with social services there should be a way to organise contact through a contact centre so it’s supervised. I had a similar situation where my ex was under a non molestation order and technically he wasn’t allowed to be within 500 metres of me but we managed to arrange for my childminder to facilitate contact for a few months.

As said to endless numbers of women on here on repeat get actual legal advice and think more carefully about the next baby daddy

The police although well-meaning can't really provide you with actual legal advice

It is all well amd good people saying dramatically 'well just stop contact or only have supervised contact' the real world does not work that way or need to organise it officially

Absolutely this.

There is a possibility you would lose custody yourself if you aren't seen to protect your son.

Social services will also be involved. Stop messaging him and certainly don’t let him see your son - call the police if he turns up. I agree that you could lose custody - this is really serious.

The rights and wrongs of leaving him in the car OR the right of your baby to see his dad are not the point now.

The onus is now on YOU to prove that you are able to keep your son safe - there is now a paper trail with the authorities that he has been put at risk and you MUST respond to that in a way that confirms that you are able to safeguard him. Forget about his dad for now.

I would get in touch with SS myself, by email if possible. Set out what happened and say that while you support the right of your baby to see his dad in the longer term you are stopping contact on advice of police and because you too are horrified by what happened and are not prepared to allow contact unless it can now be supervised. Ask if they will advise on next steps.

Personally I would also create other paper trails - ask to meet your health visitor and let them know what happened and do they have any advice, etc.

Who knows what will happen in the future - whether he will chase contact or not. You just need to a. Safeguard your son and stop contact and b. create as much evidence as possible that you are responsible, safe and reasonable.

Get something in writing from the police with their recommendation about contact and move away from him.