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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Police welfare check on 1 year old due to.sons dad

56 replies

Leabee1234 · 20/09/2024 07:11

So I have a 1 year old son he just turned 1 last month. I had the police knocking on my door last night late for a welfare check.
Apparently last week my sons dad left him alone in the car for 10-15 minutes and a Tesco staff member called the police.
He told me that he left him for 30 seconds 1 metre away but he clearly lied as police said it was 10 minutes or 15 minutes.
The police asked about custody I advised he isn't on BC because of many other reasons in the past and they told me that I should stop contact as they are treating this as child neglect. They said its disgusting and anything could of happened which I agree with
I cried all night and not slept as I am SO angry when I trusted him
Even after he put me through hell pregnancy /postpartum cheating and leaving me for his ex
He is also going through court again for his older child as she is putting abuse claims in and he has another baby due with her in 3 weeks ! It's a huge mess!
However I put my feelings to the side and allowed contact for my sons sake
Me and him don't get on and have had many issues
He also is living at his dad's which isn't ideal or great to live in in a small box room and doesn't have a stable house yet
He said I am overreacting to what the police have told me! But promised he will never ever do it again and kept saying sorry
I now need to stop it all for my sons sake and think of his safety
I can't believe he did that when anything could of happened. I just know it will end up going throufh court eventually as he won't give up
Feeling so stressed. And so angry 😢

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 02/10/2024 07:31

Leabee1234 · 20/09/2024 13:29

Hi all thank you for your comments. I have asked police for a written record today and I need to npw protect my baby. I am so upset all I've had is continous stress since I got pregnant and I tried to allow him to be a dad as I want my son to habe his dad in his life. But he isn't showing to be a good parent and I am so angry

So what sort of parent was he to his other children?

Londonrach1 · 02/10/2024 07:34

Stop contact unless it's in a contact centre etc

Putonyourredshoesanddancetheblues · 02/10/2024 07:35

Do you have any kind of relationship with the mother of the child that he is being investigated for?

Leabee1234 · 02/10/2024 10:20

Putonyourredshoesanddancetheblues · 02/10/2024 07:35

Do you have any kind of relationship with the mother of the child that he is being investigated for?

No. Me and her never got on very well. I wish I could ask her more details but I have no way of contacting her and she's no longer on any social media. So I just feel like I don't know the truth and police won't give me any details

OP posts:
Leabee1234 · 02/10/2024 10:21

RedHelenB · 02/10/2024 07:31

So what sort of parent was he to his other children?

Well he lived with his other son as he was with his mom for the first 8 months or so of our sons life. Then their relationship failed and she is saying he has been abusing her and the children he also got arrested for apparently assaulting her mom. He tells me it's all lies but I don't believe him either

OP posts:
MsMarch · 02/10/2024 14:21

OP, my exBIL will tell you that SIL was abusive, toxic, manipulative. He will point to her losing her temper, "making him homeless" etc. But he'll never mention that when she lost her temper it was because she asked him time and time again to step up, to do childcare, to help in the house. Because he said he'd look for a job... but didn't look for a job. When she "made him" homeless, it was after she allowed him to live with her, 100% rent and bill free for a year while he was, supposedly, looking for a job until eventually she kicked him out.

He also went through a phase of telling anyone who would listen how violent she was to him. But he doesn't tell you that this so-called "violence" was when he forced her bedroom door open, grabbed her phone, went through it to read her private text messages and then refused to give her phone back while she was physically doing everything she could to get it back.

He will admit to forcing doors open, and locking her in rooms.... but he genuinely, hand on heart, does not see why this is a problem. He once told DH that she "deserved it" and perhaps she'll have learnt a lesson about going out with other men (Not that it would ever have been okay, but for the record a) they'd been broken up for over a year already and b) she wasn't going out with other men). Listening to him, or reading his messages he sounds so SANE and genuine, it's jarring when you stop to think about what he's actually saying.

My point is that while I am not someone who believes that where there's smoke there's fire, there is no doubt whatsoever that the police do not come to a third party and warn them if there is any doubt whatsoever about his behaviour.

Also, with all due respect, this is man who has managed to get two women pregnant in quick succession, neither relationship has been very good... I think the reality is that he's NOT a good one.

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