DP values booze over experiences

[Hobbio]

Will try to avoid drip feeding

DP of a decade
3 dc, 1 disabled
Dp works full time
I am SAHM due to disabled dc and lack of childcare

Wanted to take eldest DC to London for 2 years now, always a reason why we shouldn't go

Van gogh is my favourite artist, I went to the national gallery earlier this year and saw 6 of his paintings, I absolutely loved it, itching to see more.

The national gallery is currently doing a van gogh exhibit, I am dying to go.

Bill wise, we split evenly, but I end up paying for majority of food as he is terrible with budgeting (won't admit that) and he runs out of money a week or so before payday despite us having equal amounts of food budget/spending money.

I buy all uniforms/kids clothes/ clubs ect, don't have any of that to pay for this month so I can afford to go. I've estimated we will spend about £150 all in, including entry, travel, food and tat.

DP is saying we can't afford to go.
However, I've worked out he has spent over £80 in the last 10 days alone on alcohol/energy drinks. Neither of which anyone but DP consumes.

Over the past 4 years, DP has cancelled most events/things we had planned- he gets into a bad mood and refuses to go because it'll be "pointless now he's in a mood"

I'm fed up with him stopping us from doing things, or looking forward to something and not being able to do it but always being a last minute cancellation

YABU
don't go, save the money, it's just paintings

YANBU
Go! Take eldest DC and have a great time!

He's a financial disaster and haemorrhages money on booze and energy drinks so you should have equal "spends" and if you want to go, GO!
DH used to moan about costs of me taking DC to London and so I stopped inviting him which cut the cost considerably! 😂

So do you point out his spending? Just book and go. He's exceptionally selfish.

Why do you split the bills evenly when you don’t work?

You need a joint account where you have equal access to money. You also need personal money but trips with his children, should come out of joint money.

Of course you should go on the trip and you should go whether he wants to go or not.

If you're a SAHM and don't have access to his money are you paying for uniforms etc from disability benefits/carers allowance? If so he's being financially abusive.

This. Surely when you have one partner earning and one at home caring for the children, it's family money. Please tell me you don't rely on child benefit or your savings to cover half the bills.

Can't you just go with eldest DC?

I get UC, DLA for disabled DC and carers
Percentage wise he pays approx 54% of the bills
But I do more food shopping and all kids clothes ect

When you say DP I assume you mean you're not married or civilly partnered so youre in a very vulnerable position if you ever were to split. Why are bills split equally (and you picking up extra food and child expenses) when you don't work due to caring for children who are both of your responsibilities? You need a joint account.

Pay with the joint account for you and DC. The others presumably aren't coming?

Not married, it is me who refuses a joint account until marriage.

Previous partners have royally fucked me over with joint accounts ect

You should take the kids and have a nice trip. If it needs to be at a weekend you will need to book tickets soon as they are selling out.

If you don't work, how are you paying for everything?

This is batshit. Yet another one.

Just go. Take the eldest and go.

And why would you even think about marrying this man? It doesn't make any sense at all to an outsider.

Get rid of him.

Don't let your DC miss out on experiences because their dad is a twonk.

This isn't a good relationship.

UC, DLA and carers allowance.

Controlling and selfish. Why are you with him? Would being apart somehow be worse?

Go without him. Don't let a grown man limit yours and your children's life or you will look back in 20 years full of regrets, wishing you had done something about it.

This. What’s the point of this man. He sounds an utter waste of space.

He sounds like a loser, why are you still with him? You're wasting your life

Go anyway.
If he wants to stay at home and sulk let him.

You don’t seem to be onto a winner this time either.

He runs out of money a week or so before payday despite us having equal amounts of food budget/spending money.

I've worked out he has spent over £80 in the last 10 days alone on alcohol/energy drinks. Neither of which anyone but DP consumes.

Over the past 4 years, DP has cancelled most events/things we had planned- he gets into a bad mood and refuses to go because it'll be "pointless now he's in a mood"

Well he sounds like an absolute treat. Any reason you're planning on getting married to this delightful specimen of a human being OP?

my usual question. What doers he actually do to improve your life?

Is it about the money or is he an alcoholic? Alcoholics don’t enjoy doing anything that will make it difficult for them to drink as much alcohol as they would like. E.g family trips or things that involve driving.