DP values booze over experiences

[Hobbio]

Will try to avoid drip feeding

DP of a decade
3 dc, 1 disabled
Dp works full time
I am SAHM due to disabled dc and lack of childcare

Wanted to take eldest DC to London for 2 years now, always a reason why we shouldn't go

Van gogh is my favourite artist, I went to the national gallery earlier this year and saw 6 of his paintings, I absolutely loved it, itching to see more.

The national gallery is currently doing a van gogh exhibit, I am dying to go.

Bill wise, we split evenly, but I end up paying for majority of food as he is terrible with budgeting (won't admit that) and he runs out of money a week or so before payday despite us having equal amounts of food budget/spending money.

I buy all uniforms/kids clothes/ clubs ect, don't have any of that to pay for this month so I can afford to go. I've estimated we will spend about £150 all in, including entry, travel, food and tat.

DP is saying we can't afford to go.
However, I've worked out he has spent over £80 in the last 10 days alone on alcohol/energy drinks. Neither of which anyone but DP consumes.

Over the past 4 years, DP has cancelled most events/things we had planned- he gets into a bad mood and refuses to go because it'll be "pointless now he's in a mood"

I'm fed up with him stopping us from doing things, or looking forward to something and not being able to do it but always being a last minute cancellation

YABU
don't go, save the money, it's just paintings

YANBU
Go! Take eldest DC and have a great time!

I think I should copy it somewhere as a stock response, as this is the 3rd thread I've read in under an hour where I've wondered the same thing.

Another question - how much solo childcare does he do? Particularly of your disabled DC?

Would he be doing childcare for the other two if you went?

I sometimes cannot believe that these relationships actually exist in real life!

Especially the ones (that we read all the time on here!) that go something like

"Me and DH have been married 20 years, we have 3 children and a mortgage but he won't tell me how much he earns and refuses to give me any money even though he spends thousands on his hobbies and lads weekends away. I am a SAHM and have no money of my own and have to go to a food bank to feed our children. AIBU to ask him for a handout?"

I know - just mind-blowing.

I'm almost interested to know why OP is paying half the bills when she's caring for the children, with money that's meant to supplement their care needs.

Only almost though, because unless he's a really low earner, it makes no sense.

Go! I went earlier this year and it’s a fantastic day out. The VR section is absolutely amazing.
And you’re right in heart of Brick Lane/Shoreditch so have a lovely wander around while you’re there.

Dp does proportionally pay the right amount RE bills from wages, but point blank refuses to meal plan at all, so overspends there I guess

He sometimes gets them up in the mornings, I always get them dressed and to school ect, including clubs and he isn't 100% present once he's back from work, which is only about an hour before we put the kids to bed

@ginnybag If I went to London with eldest DC he would be looking after the other two, but complains he can't do anything as I am the driver with the car.

Why are you letting this miserable, selfish bastard tell you what to do. If you didn't have DC together you wouldn't be with him.

Just go on your own.

Op. He shouldn't be paying 'proportionally'. He is the only one of you who can earn money as you are doing all the unpaid labour for your family that someone needs to do, either one of you or you pay someone else. You should have equal access to any disposable income, so that includes the money he spends on booze. Whether you have joint accounts or not, money left after bills/kids is split 50/50.

Again. What value are you getting out of being with this man?(and don't say he's a good dad, the kids love him - when he very clearly isn't)

Update-

I've booked for me & DC to go in November. There won't be any tickets left if he does change his mind so 🤷

We will have an amazing time

Thanks for everyone's support 🙏

Honestly I don’t think he’s worth his keep. Do some sums. I think you’ll be richer without him.

I've done the sums already, and I absolutely would be 😂

Another reason why I'm a bit "eh fuck it, will deal with the mood to not miss out on the experience "

Are you sure op? Did you factor in child maintenance?

Yup
Meticulously checked and double checked
He covers rent so I'd have that increase but he would have to pay more than half of that in maintenance, then the single person council tax discount/ other benefits make up his difference
Not even before you think about reduced food bills

I think another issue here is that he lumps the booze money together with the food shop, so turns around and says he's spent xx amount at the shops on food this month when a large proportion of that is alcohol

Oh sorry, I read that all wrong. I read that you couldn't afford to not be with him, and that's why you stayed with him.

In that case, what ON EARTH are you waiting for?!?

Leave this miserable man!