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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unwanted gilet

31 replies

mateusrose678 · 19/09/2024 08:29

My partner has bought me a gilet. It is too big, navy padded and the kind of thing his Mother might wear.
He says I can wear it when I am wfh to keep warm in winter.
I won't be wearing it. He is hurt that I am not gushing with gratitude.
I have told him he should send it back.
He reckons it was expensive but will be some bargain he has seen online.
AIBU to not fake gratitude for something I didn't ask for or want?

OP posts:
Choosingmiddleschool · 19/09/2024 08:32

Is it a sneaky hint that he thinks you use the heating too much?

MyKidsAreTooNoisy · 19/09/2024 08:33

Is it a sneaky hint he is in love with his own mother?

FeedingThem · 19/09/2024 08:34

I'd assume it's a PA comment about your use of the heating

FeedingThem · 19/09/2024 08:34

MyKidsAreTooNoisy · 19/09/2024 08:33

Is it a sneaky hint he is in love with his own mother?

Only if she has to wear it to bed

wonderingwhatsnext · 19/09/2024 08:35

Maybe he was just trying to be nice?

ScottBakula · 19/09/2024 08:49

Did you comment a lot last winter about been cold ?
I know they are not to everyone's taste but they are generally warm and comfortable so I'd give it a go once it starts getting cold.

minipie · 19/09/2024 09:07

Have you mentioned being cold when wfh?

Sounds like he did a nice thing, albeit it’s not to your taste. I think you can be grateful for the thought but explain it was a nice thought just not your style, would it be ok to return it.

Unless he has form for buying you random useless stuff then I think you’re being a bit snotty tbh.

Lmnop22 · 19/09/2024 09:12

I feel a bit sorry for him! He clearly saw something he thought you’d like and spent money on it. Yeah it wasn’t your taste but no need to be mean or ungrateful. Plenty of people would love their partners to be thoughtful enough to try and surprise them with a nice present.

If you saw something nice and bought it for him and he said he hated it, wouldn’t use it and wanted to send it back with no appreciation of the gesture, how would you feel?

doodleschnoodle · 19/09/2024 09:14

minipie · 19/09/2024 09:07

Have you mentioned being cold when wfh?

Sounds like he did a nice thing, albeit it’s not to your taste. I think you can be grateful for the thought but explain it was a nice thought just not your style, would it be ok to return it.

Unless he has form for buying you random useless stuff then I think you’re being a bit snotty tbh.

Yes, this! You seem a bit offended by it almost so I wonder if there is a back story!

MoveToParis · 19/09/2024 09:16

I think there are polite ways of doing things, but from your description it seems you have verged into charmless and rude.

On the other hand, I know that “not being grateful for something, even though it’s unwanted” is a common complaint of a certain type of individual.
It’s difficult to ascertain which it is.

2chocolateoranges · 19/09/2024 09:16

I love a gilet in the autumn time when it’s too warm for a jumper and jacket but too cold for just a jumper.

live asked my son to layer up in the house when working from home rather than put heating on, bills are ridiculously high enough without heating going on because he is working from home.

herecomesautumn · 19/09/2024 09:18

I suppose it depends if it was bought with pooled money or his own

If it's his own money then he probably thought it was a nice idea

If you've paid for it too then send it back

MonsteraMama · 19/09/2024 09:22

Ok, what's the back story? Because I cannot imagine being offended by a gilet, and you do sound genuinely pissed off that he's bought this for you. Which is an odd response unless he's got form for trying to dress you up as his mum.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/09/2024 09:24

Do you complain of the cold a lot?

BarbaraHoward · 19/09/2024 09:28

Whatever happened to "it's the thought that counts"? He's tried to do a nice thing, is it so disastrous that it didn't land. Either say thank you and put it away or if it was expensive nicely suggest returning it.

Or, and this is crazy talk, you could just try wearing it once the weather is colder.

Original poster
mateusrose678 · 19/09/2024 09:40

I already have a gilet which I do wear in the winter. He thinks it is too small for me, but it hugs me tight and keeps me incredibly warm.
I am not a person that 'runs cold' but we live in a very cold house. I don't put the heating on during the day when I am alone in the house.
Back story is I think he is a covert narcissist who likes to appear to be thoughtful and kind while actually causing problems and acting like the victim. He constantly compares me to his mother and wives of friends and I am always found wanting.
I suppose given the situation I was wondering how to handle it. I constantly doubt my instincts about whether he is being kind or manipulative.

OP posts:
Thistooshallpass24 · 19/09/2024 09:45

Ask him to return it, if he "forgets" and it goes past the deadline "by mistake" just take it to the charity shop, stick a free label on it and leave it at the end of your drive etc.

Itsmahoneybaloney · 19/09/2024 09:48

mateusrose678 · 19/09/2024 09:40

I already have a gilet which I do wear in the winter. He thinks it is too small for me, but it hugs me tight and keeps me incredibly warm.
I am not a person that 'runs cold' but we live in a very cold house. I don't put the heating on during the day when I am alone in the house.
Back story is I think he is a covert narcissist who likes to appear to be thoughtful and kind while actually causing problems and acting like the victim. He constantly compares me to his mother and wives of friends and I am always found wanting.
I suppose given the situation I was wondering how to handle it. I constantly doubt my instincts about whether he is being kind or manipulative.

Wow this isn't about the gilet! Do you even like him? Why are you with him? You sound full of hatred.

HauntedbyMagpies · 19/09/2024 09:50

ScottBakula · 19/09/2024 08:49

Did you comment a lot last winter about been cold ?
I know they are not to everyone's taste but they are generally warm and comfortable so I'd give it a go once it starts getting cold.

*being cold

MoveToParis · 19/09/2024 09:56

mateusrose678 · 19/09/2024 09:40

I already have a gilet which I do wear in the winter. He thinks it is too small for me, but it hugs me tight and keeps me incredibly warm.
I am not a person that 'runs cold' but we live in a very cold house. I don't put the heating on during the day when I am alone in the house.
Back story is I think he is a covert narcissist who likes to appear to be thoughtful and kind while actually causing problems and acting like the victim. He constantly compares me to his mother and wives of friends and I am always found wanting.
I suppose given the situation I was wondering how to handle it. I constantly doubt my instincts about whether he is being kind or manipulative.

In this case, keep the Gilet and send him back!

BarbaraHoward · 19/09/2024 10:00

HauntedbyMagpies · 19/09/2024 09:50

*being cold

Show quote history

No need for that.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 19/09/2024 10:01

Well there's clearly bigger issues than the gilet. Can you return him instead?

timeforanewmoniker · 19/09/2024 10:23

Lmnop22 · 19/09/2024 09:12

I feel a bit sorry for him! He clearly saw something he thought you’d like and spent money on it. Yeah it wasn’t your taste but no need to be mean or ungrateful. Plenty of people would love their partners to be thoughtful enough to try and surprise them with a nice present.

If you saw something nice and bought it for him and he said he hated it, wouldn’t use it and wanted to send it back with no appreciation of the gesture, how would you feel?

"Plenty of people would love their partners to be thoughtful enough to try and surprise them with a nice present."

That seems like an incredibly low bar.

I would see something like this as being controlling for sure. My partner would never dream of buying me clothing as a surprise gift. Mostly because I married a guy who is a) straight and b) not controlling.

His surprise gifts are things like bringing home my favourite wine unexpectedly, or making breakfast in bed.

Your partner should know what you like, and play it safe and do something like the above if not.

Caroparo52 · 19/09/2024 10:30

I love a gillet. Have several. Practical and warm. I wear indoors instead of heating.. but them I am one paying all the bills...

HamSad · 19/09/2024 10:31

Do you even like your husband? This isn't about the gilet.