First name change (Male) 29

[OmegaAve]

Hi, I have been considering changing my first name for about 4 months, but I have been unsatisfied with my name for years.

No one who isn't a close friend has ever been able to pronounce it. No teacher, acquaintance or colleague. Its so unusual that I've never seen someone in my country even online with my name ever. I live in the USA.

My fear is that if I change it at this late stage in my life (I'm 29, will be 30 in 5 months) I will arouse suspicions by potential employers, I work in tech and have been working for 8 years tho i've been unemployed recently.

I also have some irrational fears about me starting my own business.. what if someone finds out I changed my name and they no longer trust me anymore, and I lose relationships, money and my biggest fear is losing my reputation completely.

I have been going from confident to extremely fearful. I even wake up in the middle of the night. I found this thread while researching other similar users and it seemed to have the most reasonable users. AIBU.

Can't you just introduce yourself like "my name is (real name) but I prefer to go by (preferred name)?

Are you British? If you’re from the US you’re better off asking on a US based site eg Reddit. The two countries will have very different legalities.

I'm sorry you feel so anxious about this. It's a really normal situation, you know - people who are known by their childhood nicknames or stage names abound, as do others who change their names for personal reasons like wanting to associate or dissociate with family traditions.

US legalities around name changes differ from ours in the UK (we're very lax!) so you'll need a professional steer on that but, for all everyday purposes, you can simply start using your chosen name.

Check with organisations like your banks, professional bodies and tax office whether they require a legal declaration. As PP points out, most people get round this by calling themselves John 'Rocky' Smith - they're widely known as Rocky but their given name isn't a secret. A UK bank would include the Rocky if you asked them to, and the name on your driving licence is changed with a simple form.

Whether you opt for the informal route or a full-on legal change, go for it and enjoy your new name!

I don't know about the US, but a few of my uk friends use a different name to their birth name.

They introduce themselves professionally as X, but the HR department etc. know to use Y on payslip etc.

As long as you don't attempt to hide your name, I think you're good.

Wow every point of view so far has been super helpful and especially thank you for this detailed post.

The UK seems like such a nice place with kind people. Reddit is a bit.. idk this place seems more mature. Thank you!

I would add an extra name
Like
Arthur (new name) XXX (given first name) XXX (surname).

Do you have a middle name you can use? Many people in my company go by their middle names (causes me a headache when looking for them on the system! Lol) but appears to be common here in the UK.

Is this really about the name change or are you anxious for any other reasons?

This level of anxiety seems excessive for a name change.

You are twenty-nine and the master of your own destiny. You don’t need anyone’s approval or permission. Agree with others that adding a first name would be best if you fear being accused of fraud.

Or are you just anxious generally? Some people experience anxiety without any known cause.

If you are, you are not alone, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We compare the outside of other people, who superficially appear confident, to the inside of ourselves, and honestly most people get anxious about something or other at some stage in their lives.

If you are experiencing anxiety to the extent that it’s waking you up at night, then you might want to visit a doctor and get some help with it. We all need help from time to time.

If I were a therapist, which I am not, I would be curious to know why a name change instills so much fear in you, other than the practical reasons mentioned?

Twenty-nine is quite a crunch time in your life. You are leaving your twenties and life is getting serious. You mentioned starting a business. Changing your name might subconsciously represent striking out on your own and leaving the security of family behind?

As someone who is old enough to be your mother, I look back now and think of all the times when I was anxious and I was worrying for nothing and I should have trusted myself and had the courage of my convictions. When trouble strikes it’s usually unrelated to anything I was anxious about! So go for it!

If anyone questions you about it, just tell them the truth, that this new name is easier to pronounce! There is nothing ever wrong with telling the truth! So I don’t fully understand your fears. Good luck!

I’d say at least 1/4 of my team of over 100 are known by a name that’s not their first name. Many have long names that Brits struggle to pronounce so tend to pick a shorter name, sometimes their own name shortened or sometimes a British sounding name that’s not their name. They just become known as that name even though their email will have their full name. Never caused any problems and it’s very common.

I know an Andrew who is known as Burt. I've never questioned it and just accept that everyone calls him Burt. No official name change

As others have said, add the name you want as an additional name. I know loads of people who go by their middle name and people (usually women) change their surnames all the time due to marriage/divorce. It’s really common and you’re over thinking it.

You posted about this issue so many times in the last year, I honestly can't see what else we can tell you beyond the hundreds of replies you already got on your previous threads.
There are professionals out there who can help you work through these issues once and for all.

What do you mean? I just found this website yesterday and made an account jjust to post last night.

Oh really? Well that puts a different spin on it.

@OmegaAve you seem to be American. Why are you asking a US legal question on a mostly UK site?

Why do you not want to ask on Reddit which is a mostly US based site?

You are now sounding slightly suspicious to be honest.

Its true I am a general anxious person.
I've lived alone since i was 21 and recently my parents actually stole alot of money from me, so that could be part of the reason to.

Thank you for this advice, it seems consistent that most people say its just not a big deal

This seems like a good idea, i've never considered that

What that person said isn't true. This is my first account on this website, i have no clue who else they are reffering to.

I generally don't like using reddit because its more like social media and people tend to get angry easily there.

I also have some irrational fears about me starting my own business.. what if someone finds out I changed my name and they no longer trust me anymore, and I lose relationships, money and my biggest fear is losing my reputation completely.
My takeaway from reading Bill Bryson books is that the USA is a HUGE place and things that you think are rare (being killed by a swarm of ants, having three legs, that sort of bonkers thing) happen A LOT in America. Just because of the sheer scale of the place.
I would have thought that having a unique-in-America name would be quite an asset, especially if you want a googleable business presence.
Just go for the 'extra name' route.

I doubt that.. heavily
There is someone else who is 29? And from the USA? Posting this same thing that I made in like 10 minutes.

Please don't accuse me of something like that

If you want to chat shit, hi. Chat away.

If you want legal advice, why have you come to a site which generally has nothing to do with US law? If I wanted legal advice, would I choose a French chat site to ask on? If I was French and lived in France, yes. But I'm British and live in Britain, so no.

Also, you don’t use Reddit because it’s social media? Erm, Mumsnet is social media too.

I wasn't aware that Britain was so different from the USA with this stuff.
Also I'm not here to "chat shit" and I'm also not here for legal advice.

I just wanted to vent my feelings and get other real human's feedback. And generally it has been constructive.

“My fear is that if I change it at this late stage in my life (I'm 29, will be 30 in 5 months) I will arouse suspicions by potential employers….
I also have some irrational fears about me starting my own business.. what if someone finds out I changed my name and they no longer trust me anymore, and I lose relationships, money and my biggest fear is losing my reputation completely.”

These are questions with legal implications.

And ‘chatting shit’ just means chit chat, passing the time of day. It’s what 90% of all social media is.

If that has legal implications I didn't consider it when I wrote it.

This was just my bare feelings and thoughts.

Are the “suspicious” posters aware that troll hunting is against the guidelines? You have to report if you think something is off.

OP, like others I’d just add another name, so your original name is still there.
Or just start calling yourself by your preferred name.