First name change (Male) 29

28 replies

OmegaAve · 19/09/2024 01:25

Hi, I have been considering changing my first name for about 4 months, but I have been unsatisfied with my name for years.

No one who isn't a close friend has ever been able to pronounce it. No teacher, acquaintance or colleague. Its so unusual that I've never seen someone in my country even online with my name ever. I live in the USA.

My fear is that if I change it at this late stage in my life (I'm 29, will be 30 in 5 months) I will arouse suspicions by potential employers, I work in tech and have been working for 8 years tho i've been unemployed recently.

I also have some irrational fears about me starting my own business.. what if someone finds out I changed my name and they no longer trust me anymore, and I lose relationships, money and my biggest fear is losing my reputation completely.

I have been going from confident to extremely fearful. I even wake up in the middle of the night. I found this thread while researching other similar users and it seemed to have the most reasonable users. AIBU.

OP posts:

Original poster

OmegaAve · 19/09/2024 13:28

Strobbery · 19/09/2024 13:23

Are the “suspicious” posters aware that troll hunting is against the guidelines? You have to report if you think something is off.

OP, like others I’d just add another name, so your original name is still there.
Or just start calling yourself by your preferred name.

The adding another name really seems like that perfect middle ground.
Thank you

OP posts:

Jaxhog · 19/09/2024 13:30

Do it if it will make you feel better about yourself.

More than half my family use a different name to their first name. In most cases, they use a middle name or a shortened version, but not all. It's very common here in the UK (and Canada).

Original poster

OmegaAve · 08/11/2024 02:03

Quitecontrarywithnoflowers · 19/09/2024 05:06

Is this really about the name change or are you anxious for any other reasons?

This level of anxiety seems excessive for a name change.

You are twenty-nine and the master of your own destiny. You don’t need anyone’s approval or permission. Agree with others that adding a first name would be best if you fear being accused of fraud.

Or are you just anxious generally? Some people experience anxiety without any known cause.

If you are, you are not alone, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We compare the outside of other people, who superficially appear confident, to the inside of ourselves, and honestly most people get anxious about something or other at some stage in their lives.

If you are experiencing anxiety to the extent that it’s waking you up at night, then you might want to visit a doctor and get some help with it. We all need help from time to time.

If I were a therapist, which I am not, I would be curious to know why a name change instills so much fear in you, other than the practical reasons mentioned?

Twenty-nine is quite a crunch time in your life. You are leaving your twenties and life is getting serious. You mentioned starting a business. Changing your name might subconsciously represent striking out on your own and leaving the security of family behind?

As someone who is old enough to be your mother, I look back now and think of all the times when I was anxious and I was worrying for nothing and I should have trusted myself and had the courage of my convictions. When trouble strikes it’s usually unrelated to anything I was anxious about! So go for it!

If anyone questions you about it, just tell them the truth, that this new name is easier to pronounce! There is nothing ever wrong with telling the truth! So I don’t fully understand your fears. Good luck!

I know this is an old post but i just re-read this again and I am just so happy you wrote this. It made me feel so much better after another anxiety!

Just thank you!!

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