Is this normal 6 year old behaviour?

[Notanothermondaymorning]

Posting here for traffic really.

My son has just turned 6 and started Year 1. His school mixed up classes after reception and so he has been separated from a friend that he was very close to. Not a bad thing in some respects but I think son is struggling to adapt. He seems to be struggling to make new connections - he is hard of hearing which probably doesn’t help. But he can also be impulsive and do/say things without thinking- sometimes these things can be a bit unkind. He is not unkind, he is a very caring and empathetic little boy but it’s like sometimes he cannot resist the urge. When asked why he did/said it he often can’t say why. He also talks a lot and never stops moving. He fidgets constantly and can’t help himself by touching and picking up and fiddling with anything close by. He does crave social interaction with others, he desperately wants to make new friends and he enjoys every other aspect of school but I’m not sure if I should be concerned at this stage or not? His learning is great and teacher has no concerns academically. I don’t think it’s ASD as so many of the criteria he doesn’t meet but I wondered if it was too soon/minor to be thinking about ADHD? I don’t want to label or diagnose my son but I also don’t want him to struggle unnecessarily. Thoughts/advice appreciated

He he 6. He has hearing problems. I think it’s fine and please don’t worry.

Thank you. It does worry me though as I hate the thought that he might go through school with no friends and not knowing how to make any. The friend he did have (they still play at lunch etc) was an easy friend for him to make as they’d known each other since they were younger and were very similar in lots of ways. It also helped that my son was dominant and his friend more submissive so happy to
be in my sons shadow so to speak. Not sure that that dynamic was a healthy one but not sure my son is finding it easy to relate to the other children where the dynamic is different. It’s heartbreaking to be told that other children have told him that they don’t want to be his friend but is that just what kids this age do? I mean, they can be absolutely brutal to each other can’t they? I don’t think my son sits alone all day but he doesn’t seem to be developing any meaningful connections yet. He is definitely socially motivated but it’s like he’s going about it all the wrong way. Are these just things he’ll learn over time?

Anyone else?

I think it's never too early to research and consider ADHD but you really need to get his hearing sorted if you can as equally that may causing him issues and will really impair his learning ( if you can't hear it properly you don't tend to say it or be able to spell it well)

What's the cause of his hearing issues. If it's glue ear then his sleeping could be affected which would cause him to be a bit unpredictable at school if he's overtired.

If he is saying unkind things, it is easy to deduce why a child might respond to say that they didn’t want to be friends. Is he learning that saying kind things means he will build friendships?

He has sensorineural hearing loss in both ears and wears hearing aids. He does struggle to hear in large groups/ambient noise despite the aids. We of course reiterate the message that saying unkind things is wrong and that other children won’t want to be his friend if he continues but in the moment, he can’t seem to help himself. It’s nothing major, but unkind all the same. One example would be when he knocked over another child’s building in the block area for no reason or told a child he didn’t like the dress she was wearing

He is definitely worse when he’s tired and he’s VERY tired at the moment for a number of reasons

but he can also be extremely kind and thoughtful to others so it is not a consistent behavior. Not every interaction with the other children is negative, many are positive. But it’s like the devil takes hold and he can’t hold it in

Other times he seems to find it difficult to follow instructions, he appears to be in his own world. I have to ask him a million times
to put his shoes on or not to touch something. It’s like he zones out. But then other times, he is being silly and can’t seem to stop himself.

Poor impulse control is a very common feature of ADHD - if he is also fidgety and restless, it might be worth asking for him to be assessed. I wouldn't worry too much about him making friends, he's very young and it's early days in his new class. Can you suggest inviting one or two classmates to play after school, meet up in the park or come for tea? He might do better in a one to one situation with less noise and distraction and you can be on hand to correct him if he blurts out something unkind!

He’s usually great one on one. We’ve had a few play dates and he gets on just fine but put him back in the classroom environment and it’s like they never happened and he doesn’t engage with the child in the same way. I just don’t get it! Am I expecting too much from him at this stage?

I'd definitely pursue a diagnosis of his behavioural traits but in terms of friends would Cubs or similar be an option?

It might suit him to be in a situation that's 'friendly' but where the interactions are activity based rather than on his own initiative and being inclusive is part of the dynamic. It would take the dependency off school being his only source of friends.

But he can also be very sensible, obedient and well behaved. Totally depends on the enviroment, how he feels/how he slept etc on the day, his mood. He isn’t the sort of child to take risks or disobey instructions and run
across a road etc but more likely to see another child’s sandcastle and stamp on it. That kind of thing. It’s like he doesn’t consider the consequences of the action before doing it. If I talk to him about it, he concedes that it’s unkind and wouldn’t like it done to him but can’t explain why he did it!

I guess what I’m asking is are all children of this age to prone to behaving like this at times? Is it likely to be something he grows out of?

I've taught year one and I've taught Reception. I HATE it when they mix the classes, it can be devastating for children to lose their friend and it can affect behaviour for a long time. They will only see their old chum at break times and often they've bonded with their new class mates and are less interested in the old friendship. New friendships can be hard to break in to.
Big hugs because year one can be a rough year for many littlies

This is reminding me a bit of my nephew several years ago - told to put his shoes on and found five minutes later shoeless on the trampoline. He did need grommets for his ears, also they removed any high sugar and artificial additives from his diet and it helped enormously.

Later on he did get a diagnosis of ADHD. And so did his dad.

Hearing problems occur in a noticeable number of neurodivergent children, it seems to be one of the co-morbidities.
My son is almost 6, autistic, and also on the ADHD pathway. Behaviour wise there's similarities in what you've described, there's also masking to consider and also even ND people can have 'good' and 'not so good' moments, which is why you can often think so why did they cope with XYZ then but not XYZ this time.
Perhaps make a diary over a week of things that you are concerned about?

I am not an expert but can say that he is most likely ND. You should get him tested.

No, not all children this age are prone to behaving in this way. He’s got you as his cheerleader and its positive that you’re analysing this so young - keep working with the school and invest time in exploring a diagnosis, it takes a long time!

All sounds very common in 6 year olds. It's been 1-2 weeks since they've been back and his class has been swapped. It's normal to have adjusting time. Not listening when needing to get ready is a classic boy thing, my 6 year old also faffs around majorly when needing to put shoes on etc whereas my younger daughter does it independently.

The unkind thing needs addressing. It's not a little devil or an uncontrollable impulse as they don't exist unless he has tourettes which I doubt. He's just either being unkind or attention seeking and it needs to stop. I wonder if you make too many allowances because of his hearing, it's hard not to try to compensate when your child has a condition.

I wouldn't be diagnosing anything at this stage, especially as it sounds you had no concerns last year. It takes more than 1-2 weeks for some children to settle and make friends. Completely normal.

I think the problem is that people remember unkind behaviour over kind behaviour and that is going to stop him from making friends. At that age if someone randomly said or did something mean to me I'd probably rule out trying to be friends with them.

It's early days but I'd consider speaking to his teacher about your concerns if things don't get better.

Deaf children often try to dominate the interaction with friends because they are finding in difficult to follow other children's lead. If you dominate, you know what is happening.

He may have some ADHD traits but his hearing will also be part of the problem.

Have you checked out the NDCS website? Do you have support from a Teacher of the Deaf?

I'm a teacher and I agree it's not ideal to swap at the end of Reception year but some schools choose do it once they've got a feel for personalities and others will do it on a needs must basis if there are specific issues within a class/year group.

It also helped that my son was dominant and his friend more submissive so happy to be in my sons shadow so to speak. Not sure that that dynamic was a healthy one but not sure my son is finding it easy to relate to the other children where the dynamic is different.

This jumped out at me though.

When classes are mixed, a lot of consideration is given to friendships, the new mix, personalities, needs and making sure that children have at least one friend etc. It's not done randomly.

It sounds to me as though they deliberately split your son up from his friend (rather than it being an accidental oversight) for both the benefit of both boys.

You say yourself it probably wasn't a healthy dynamic. It's not appropriate for the other child to live in your son's shadow and your son needs to learn to develop friendships with children on a more equal footing.

The other child's parent may well have raised concerns with the school about the friendship and the school may have shared those concerns.

If you suspect ADHD, then make an appointment with the SENDCo to have a conversation and find put exactly what behaviours they are observing at school.

Make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred for an assessment. The school will be contacted about this and support the assessment with their own observations.

^ This.

I also have a 6yo and they mixed the classes this year. A lot of the children including my son are having trouble settling down this term and finding their feet. But it's only been 2 weeks.

If there's been no previous concerns as such, I would give it more time. It's still early days in Yr1. Keep talking with your son and also it's worth having a word with the teacher.

My son has glue ear which affects his hearing and can be a major factor in his behaviour at times. I know your son's hearing problem is different but I do think it can be a factor in behaviour and sleep for sure.