Is this normal 6 year old behaviour?

[Notanothermondaymorning]

Posting here for traffic really.

My son has just turned 6 and started Year 1. His school mixed up classes after reception and so he has been separated from a friend that he was very close to. Not a bad thing in some respects but I think son is struggling to adapt. He seems to be struggling to make new connections - he is hard of hearing which probably doesn’t help. But he can also be impulsive and do/say things without thinking- sometimes these things can be a bit unkind. He is not unkind, he is a very caring and empathetic little boy but it’s like sometimes he cannot resist the urge. When asked why he did/said it he often can’t say why. He also talks a lot and never stops moving. He fidgets constantly and can’t help himself by touching and picking up and fiddling with anything close by. He does crave social interaction with others, he desperately wants to make new friends and he enjoys every other aspect of school but I’m not sure if I should be concerned at this stage or not? His learning is great and teacher has no concerns academically. I don’t think it’s ASD as so many of the criteria he doesn’t meet but I wondered if it was too soon/minor to be thinking about ADHD? I don’t want to label or diagnose my son but I also don’t want him to struggle unnecessarily. Thoughts/advice appreciated

It won't do any harm to speak with the SENDCO and/or teacher I wouldn't have thought, there might be something they can suggest to support him. I wouldn't actively worry (if that makes sense), but it's worth exploring.

But he can also be impulsive and do/say things without thinking- sometimes these things can be a bit unkind. He is not unkind, he is a very caring and empathetic little boy

Sadly can see why children that age would find it upsetting to be told their dress wasn't very nice or knocking over their tower; its not wildly unusual at that age though.

Thanks for all your messages, plenty of food for thought. I also feel like I don’t want to rush into anything but if there is a problem I don’t want to leave it until it becomes a big problem. The problem is he doesn’t fit a lot of the criteria for ND. I’m leaning more towards ADHD if there is ND because of the constant moving, talking, fidgeting, impulsivity and inattention but I wouldn’t say he is stereotypically ‘naughty’ or hyperactive. He CAN sit still and concentrate and he DOES do the work although with things like handwriting he struggles to maintain his focus as he finds it more tricky. He isn’t a huge risk taker and I would in fact have described him as cautious as a younger child. I don’t want to make excuses for him if he is just being unkind.

This sounds a bit like our six year old... who has just been assessed by a paediatrician for dyspraxia and during that assessment we were told that if his distractability levels are the same when he's 7 we should refer him for an ADHD assessment.. the NHS won't typically diagnose ADHD until 7 and there's a long waiting list for assessment..
It's possible that due to hearing loss he may have some other sensory needs.
Explore whether he is seeking some additional proprioception input.. does he seem to seek external pressure on his body? There are really basic exercises you can do with him to improve this which will help with impulse control if he is seeking that external input...

Perhaps seek a sensory needs assessment?

Also, with ours we have practised using certain phrases to help them build their interpersonal skills.. so practising saying kind phrases or basic friendship building cues like 'what's your name/my name is..' and also boundary phrase like 'I don't like, please stop..'

Keeping the diary is a good idea.. firstly it'll really help when a Dr asks why you want him assessed and your kind inevitably struggles to find examples but secondly it'll help you see any progress he is making.. sometimes we're so busy with the day to day that we don't see the progress being made.

Whilst this may not be neurotypical behaviour it's also not that unusual to be diagnosed with ADHD... start researching and learning now, he'll need good boundaries to help him thrive. You'll come up against naysayers and you'll need to know your stuff in order to not feel like you're going mad and have got it all wrong!!

Good luck with it!

He sounds like a normal 6 year old boy. Take him to beavers or football/tag rugby training. He'll soon make friends. Expecting dc to be still at age 6 without fiddling is ridiculous when you think about it.

Yes I agree @RedHelenB but the teacher has said he fidgets probably more than other children. She has mentioned trying to get a fidget toy for him at carpet time to try and improve his concentration. We have also had a few incidences of him making silly noises/distracting other children at carpet time - he looks around to see if anyone is laughing and this encourages the behaviour even more. It’s like he’s doing it for the attention of others - he likes to be the class clown. But sometimes it appears to have the opposite effect and actually other children don’t always find it funny

There have been a few kids through DS class who have shown impulsive responses like damaging other kids' games; fairly normal at 3 or 4 for kids to do that sort of thing as a one-off, but all stopped a while before 6 apart from two who have ADHD, so I do think assessment may be useful for you here. It might be related to his hearing, but then you would expect him to be saying something like that he did it because he was in the red zone because they said he couldn't play or he thought they said something bad. As he's so old in the year, I wouldn't make too many assumptions about his progress, especially giving professionals the view academics are not an issue. If you think about it he should be way ahead of kids 6 months and 11 months younger than him both academically and socially, he's only a couple of weeks younger than some of the year 2s.

I teach children with ADHD and all of them can concentrate on something when it takes their interest! There are a lot of 'myths' around ND conditions that mean they are overlooked as possible explanations.

I'm not saying that your child has ADHD at all but I'd start the conversation with school now. Ask the class teacher today what they have observed. Most schools will go through a phase of monitoring where they are actively observing, noting and recording behaviours of concern and put strategies in place to mitigate behaviours - whatever their underlying cause.

The teacher won't mind and it'll be helpful for both of you to contextualise what is happening at both school and home and it opens up the channels of communication.

I don’t want to make excuses for him if he is just being unkind.

That's a good starting point and I'd say that.

You and the school need to work together on this to support your son. He's only young now but behaviours that are deemed 'ok' in younger childen quickly become 'not ok' in older children and its better to address them and possible causes sooner rather than later.

I definitely think that his hearing difficulties play a part in his social differences. I know he finds it frustrating not to be able to hear as well as others and that encourages him to act out. He particularly struggles in large groups where there is a lot of conversation going on and he can’t keep up. That usually has the effect of him either withdrawing from the group and doing his own thing, or acting out out of frustration. But then again, there have been incidences of him ‘acting out’ just for the sake of it too. So not sure what to think.

To be honest it sounds like both of my ds's when they were six (later diagnosed with HFA). But in your case it might be that it is just his hearing that is causing issues. Either way I think what to do for the moment is ask to speak to the teacher and ask for her help in giving opportunities for your ds to make new friends. The first step to this is making sure you ds can interact with one other child successfully so opportunities for working in a pair in the classroom would be beneficial.

Children will always act up when they're tired - is anything being done to solve this?

His hearing difficulties may not be helping but there's no doubt that being tired will be causing problems too.

We are trying to address the tiredness. Earlier nights, less sugar, relaxing bedtime routine etc. But it’s not that easy. He had a string of late nights and busy days leading up to the start of term (we were away) and then we’ve just had his birthday so there’s obviously a lot of excitement around that. We’ve also just started a lot of after school activities- football, beavers etc so a lot going on in his little life. He also finds it a struggle to wind down at the end of the day at times, it can take him a while to fall asleep so even those nights we get him in bed early it doesn’t mean he goes to sleep early. That said, once he’s asleep he’s asleep for the night and isn’t up at the crack of dawn like some children.

It's only a few weeks into the new term.
How busy is he?
And how tired?
If he has hearing loss, please don't discount the extra effort he needs to put into his day to keep up with his peers (I'm sure you don't as his parent)
My son has a disability and I know he has to put in about 20% more effort to keep up with his friends and classmates and gets very overwhelmed (which comes out as figiting, being overbearing etc) the more tired he becomes.
Perhaps a very lazy weekend if possible would help him to settle a bit and take on next week a bit more refreshed.

This is exactly it. I know it isn’t as easy for him as it is for other children who don’t have a hearing loss. It’s must be exhausting to be saying ‘huh’ and ‘pardon’ all day and for other kids who don’t get it when they talk to him and he doesn’t answer (because he doesn’t hear them). They obviously think he’s ignoring them. It’s difficult on all fronts. I have spoken to his teacher of the deaf who apparently encounters this not infrequently in children with hearing loss and it’s interesting to note that she has no concerns of ND at this stage, despite having known my son since he was a baby and observed him at home, nursery and school numerous times over the years.

@Notanothermondaymorning maybe all those activities are too much for him to handle after a full day at school. He's only six - he doesn't need to be doing all those things - especially if he's already struggling with the normal school day.

@sunsetsandboardwalks yes I’ve wondered the same but trying to give him the opportunity to find things outside of school that he enjoys and hopefully give him the opportunity to make friends externally as well. I think we’ll see how it goes and pick only the things he really likes to continue with and see if that helps

The majority of people aren't neurodiverse. I have kids a similar age (well, a 6 year old and two other children) and the behaviours you describe are VERY common. Mumsnet is very quick to suggest neurodiversity.

Your son is unsettled and cheeky. Normal.

Sorry I must have missed your comment. That’s very interesting about deaf children, I didn’t know that but it certainly makes sense. I definitely get the sense that his hearing is the main issue here and that there may or may not be other traits present but my gut feeling is that it’s not enough to warrant pursuing a diagnosis at this point. I actually spoke to his totd today about my concerns (it’s worth nothing that she has no concerns despite having known him for his whole life and had many interactions/observations with him in numerous settings) and she basically said there would be nothing pointing towards a diagnosis at this stage and that whether he is NT or ND the most important thing at this stage is to give him strategies to cope when he is in a social situation and feeling out of his depth because he can’t hear or interact as well.