To be fuming at kids recording my child at school.

[Backpainagain]

Autistic DD11 in third week of new secondary school.
School tried to phone me to collect her early as she had stomach pain during last lesson (PE). They were unable to get hold of me at work so phoned DH who works 90mins away and so couldnt collect, and he told them to put her on the bus home as normal.
While waiting for the buses home the kids mingle on the school field, where apparently teachers are present. Phones are allowed to be brought to school but not allowed to be used on school grounds.
DD says she was lying down on the field in pain when a group of year 11s approached her, teasing her. Two of the girls recording her on their phones. She walked to another location on the field but they followed her before getting bored and wondering off. She can’t identify the children except to say the two girls filming get on the same bus as her and get off in the same village.

AIBU to think this is a serious breach of safeguarding? Presumably the footage of DD has been shared although of course we have no proof of anything. I have emailed the school and they have said they will investigate. I don’t have much hope much will be done though considering the lack of evidence. I’m really pissed off.

Looks like I do. Genuinely thought it was a big no no for kids to be filming other kids as a method of bullying. Very sad to find out it’s normal?!

Break and lunch time will also be similar, and so will the time spent walking from lesson to lesson. Heck even some time in lesson students are 'unsupervised' in that I can't hear/see every interaction.

Im sorry this has happened. Hopefully the girls haven't shared it too widely and it will go away but please do approach school.

You also need a plan though for when school call again. School only call if they are concerned and DH shouldn't respond with 'put them on the bus'. If school reach DH he needs to say 'thank you for letting me know, someone will be 10-15 mins" and then he calls you or grandparents to collect.

Your DC needs to know you'll be there if required.

Break and lunch time at her school are broken down so the year groups are more segregated from each other.
DD wont encounter 90% of the school population at once in the corridors.

They absolutely shouldn’t be filming. They do take photos / videos though. Are you sure she was definitely recorded? If she was on the floor and distracted with the pain, it could be that she misread the situation.

As a pp said, secondary is a totally different world. At the end of the day, the majority of children are unsupervised and make their own way home. When they’re waiting for the bus, there is probably only a couple of staff members who are focused on making sure nobody gets left behind or misses their bus. The kids are rowdy as they’re happy the school day is over and it is chaotic.

Has your dd made a friend that she could make sure she waits with? I wouldn’t necessarily change the transport - she will learn and she will be fine.

All schools I’ve worked at are always very reluctant to send kids home when they say they’re unwell. Next time I would try my best to collect. Could your dh ring you or could a grandparent help?

Don’t assume that. I collapsed at secondary (I was anorexic) and my classmates ignored me because they thought I was drunk (I never drank). Thank goodness mobile phones didn’t have worthy cameras at that point.

Does almost every child get the bus then? Unusual if so.

The year groups may be segregated, but they will still have some amount of mixing. The supervision for bus lines and break/lunch is the same in terms of ratios of staff ime.

Two kids have done something mean, not the whole school. She will be exposed to the whole school in corridors, not all at once, but any year group could be there.

Perhaps your expectations need a realign. Also please check the school has your correct phone mumber.

Just reading through your posts on this OP.

Does she usually get the bus? I do see that this is possibly too much for her and if there's another way to get there and back until she's more settled.
The fact she's rolling about on the field says she struggles with her difference.

My son is Autistic in mainstream. I absolutely did not want him getting the bus! It is not the same as break time in school - it's a totally different often unsupervised environment and at times I myself found it scary. I'm not Autistic.

Aside from the bus scenario and these girls who must be identified and addressed, I'd tell husband that the bus isn't a good idea right now. I'd also want to know what support there is in general for your daughter's in school. Is she diagnosed and on the SEN register for a start?

I accept the bus itself is usually completely unsupervised. That would be more of a concern than incidents on school premises.

I used to do bus duty.

There were 2000 students at my school.
Most of them took buses home.

We had about 5 teachers out there on duty.
Even with prefects (sixth formers) it's a nightmare and you are constantly reminding the ones on bikes not to cycle through the bus area, dealing with kids who have lost their bus pass etc,

I don't know how big the secondary is that your DD goes to. But if there is anything like that number of kids trying to get on buses then the teachers have their work cut out.

They just aren't going to notice someone lying down in the queue/the waiting area.

It really really isn't like primary.

Your husband told the staff to put her on the bus like normal. So at the end of school they let her go. At secondary if a child is not ill it's their job to get home; school won't make sure that they have someone to meet them etc. By your husband telling them to put her in the bus like normal he authorised what they did, which was to let her make her own way home, by bus, like normal.

Have discussed more with DH. The school did not seem reluctant to send her home on the bus. The school told my husband as he would take an hour and a half to collect her and they couldn’t get through to me or my mum they could “put her on the bus”. He took this to mean they would escort her to / make sure she got on the bus okay.
He now knows this is not what they meant, because in fact they then told her to walk to the school field and get on as normal. I’ve asked him if this happens again please could he ask them to keep her and then try to get hold of me again.

She seems very sure they were filming her yes.

Sounds like a good plan your end with DH.

Put her on the bus wouldn't mean literally, there's not enough staff to accompany her to be honest.

I'd wait to see what school respond tomorrow.

Yes she usually gets the bus home. For the last week I have been taking her in the mornings on my way to work, as she really struggles with the amount of stuff they have to bring in every day. I will make arrangements so I can collect her as well.

Yes she is diagnosed and she checks in with the inclusion team before morning and lunch time registration. She forgets or loses something at school every day and they have been very helpful in finding the lost items and giving her a safe place to come to.

Yes we’re both a bit clueless about secondary so far!

@Backpainagain that's really re assuring. There are loads of Autistic kids in mainstream now. Alot of the SEN schools possibly wouldn't feel appropriate anyway. I do think schools have had to recognise how to support SEN kids as so many are there.

Aside from the bus incident today - I believe if you remove the bus stress in future ( lifts for the foreseeable), it will relieve alot of the stress she feels in school in general.

I remember school bus journeys could be awful. I myself was so loud and annoying! It's overwhelming beyond words for some kids.

Hope you get a helpful reply tomorrow about the girls filming 🙏

If she was in enough pain to be on the grass in tears you should have collected her. Not sure why you couldn't be contacted but seems like a poor excuse, she wouldn't of been on the grass in pain if she would of been collected when they asked

Hi there, I'm new to MumsNet and was just looking around for advice on bullying, which my daughter has experienced this week in her first year at secondary school, and came across your post. This is something that you must raise with the school as it is a serious breach of your child's safeguarding. Contact the school's DSL (designated safeguarding lead) and demand a call/appointment. They have a duty to investigate as any child with SEN issues cannot give consent to this type of thing, if they do nothing then you can lodge a complaint with LLADO (I think they're called) and the school will not be wanting that as all complaint are taken into account by Ofsted. Luckily for me, my husband is a safeguarding specialist and he subtly mentioned this to the school... Following our report/complaint on Thursday afternoon, the matter was addressed on Friday and hopefully nipped in the bud, but I guess we'll see this coming week. Anyhow, I hope your daughter is well and good luck with it all. If you do need any safeguarding advice I can always ask him.