To not want to keep hearing from colleague about how well she's doing

[PatchworkSilver]

I feel really horrible, but most days another self-employed 'friend' messages to say how busy they are, and how wonderful her feedback is. This has been going on for some time. We are both conscientious and well regarded in our field, and there are times she will get more work, and likewise, times that I will. But when I get more, I don't say anything as I don't want her to feel bad.
In addition, we have different lives, she doesn't have children so can work more hours, I have children and other commitments....so what levels of work are comfortable is different for us both.
I have other associates in my field, but we just don't really discuss how much work we each have or from who... that is better for us all, I'm sure.
I am really just canvassing advice on how to approach this? I don't want to upset her and it's nearly all in text messages so if I said something, it'd have to be by text.

Why do you need to respond?

Or a simple 'that's great for you!'

Though I'm confused why she feels the need to inform you anyway, is she showing off?

If she's a good friend otherwise, this seems like a minor issue tbh. Can you not just say "Great! How's the kids/dog/what film should we go and see next week?" etc.

Obviously if the messages are more "I'm so busy, so much busier than you" then just ask her why she's being a knob head. 🤷🏻‍♀️

She's been a work friend for a few years. I feel rude not responding, she is lovely but seems to have a blind spot in how this can come across. We have lots of mutual associates.

If you're low on work, ask if she has any to pass your way and/or can do some introductions for you. Then either you get extra work you need (great!) or she'll note the natural consequence of bragging and cool it down (also great!).

I do try to change the subject but she wants to talk about work.. messages even very late at night. We don't see each other face to face... she's always too busy.... which is okay as there are other people around that I feel I relate to more.
I just want to be able to say something without upsetting her and causing ripples in our field of work.

If work is the most important thing in her life, she'll be very excited when it's going well. I know someone like this too (also self employed). I don't think they mean to sound boastful, work is just important to them. When things aren't going so well, you don't hear much - I always know when my friend hasn't much going on as she goes quiet!

You just don’t really like your friend, do you?

She might be showing off, or just really enthusiastic about her job. If you say something you’ll look a dick so don’t. Just give a throwaway comment and steer the conversation on to a topic you prefer to talk about. If you don’t want to talk about work late at night, ignore the message and reply when it’s more convenient for you.

I’d just keep using the same repeat reply until she gets the message to be honest.

‘That’s great’ or something to that effect when she brings up the same stuff over and over.
And definitely don’t reply late at night.

I think I've grown to not feel so positive about her, yes. ... its all rose coloured glasses for her and I feel a bit more...earthy?! 🤣...
If I said something like ' let's not talk numbers and referrals, as we know it's very up and down and it doesn't always feel that healthy to discuss'... would that sound horrible?

It would sound as if you're not doing too well and don't want to face it

I think your suggestion is fine @PatchworkSilver, you're entitled to set some boundaries. It all sounds rather tedious, tbh, and I certainly wouldn't respond to late-night messages.

You don’t sound horrible at all- she sounds hideous! Why is she messaging you every day - who has time for that?!! I’d start ignoring her - there’s no need to respond , she’s too intrusive and a show off. Ugh no thanks ! 🙂‍↔️

wirh intense people like this, i sometimes don't respond unless there's a question. You don't need to respond each time Op. It might feel uncomfortable, but that will get easier with time. You don't see each other much so at this point it's a 'texting' friendship. Her messaging late at night is a bit disrespectful, so feel free to ignore those.

My advice comes from Kevin Bridges- in Scotland if someone is forever talking about themselves, boasting, or if it’s not believable - you respond with ‘ Did ye, aye?’

So whenever she rabbits on, do the same -

-did you? Yeh?
-Is that so

She sounds insufferable, it sounds like it's time to pull back on the friendship and reduce contact. I think this is preferable to saying something if you're in the same industry, it's easier to remain civil (I'd give different advice if you really valued the friendship).

However, I do take issue with you saying she can work more hours because she doesn't have children. We're not all icy stone cold bitches who live to work. I don't have kids and I'd happily work less hours.

Here’s the video to cheer you up OP

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PBLGy0kStjs&pp=ygUKZGlkIHllIGF5ZQ%3D%3D

I think She's relating to you as a work colleague/with her work mask on whilst you are expecting her to relate to you as a friend.

Also some people REALLY need external validation of how well they're doing/hard they're working which is hard if no supervisor/manager - you are under no obligation to be that validation.

It might do, but that's not the case. There have been times when it's been the other way round, with workload, but it's a fickle field.

I've tried ignoring it before, she just carries on, or slips it into conversation.
I feel a bit stuck with it.... and on days that I feel less secure, as self employed, yes it does feed some self doubt.

She sounds tedious.

I’d respond to every single text with 👍🏼 and nothing more.

😂

Just come up with 4 stock responses and rotate them.

Wow! That’s great!
You’re killing it!
Excellent!
You must be so excited/happy/proud!

I don’t know why she sends the messages. Maybe she’s trying to boost her confidence, maybe she’s making a dig at you, maybe she’s just annoying and lives for work. Whatever the reason, I doubt asking her to stop will have any positive outcome for you.

Thank you...

I don't see women without children as icy stone child or otherwise, in her own words she's told me that she's surprised I 'work as much as I do with my family connitments' and that she can happily work more as she doesn't have those.

I mentioned that for context.. she works more, so has more exposure...I work less due to current circumstances. No offence intended.

🤣🤣thank you

This where the 👍 emoji comes in handy. Say nothing and just respond with that. Dismissive without ignoring. Hopefully she will get the hint.