For not liking my partner’s pet?

[MsMonday]

I moved in with my partner recently, and while I love him, I’m struggling to warm up to his dog. AIBU for feeling like this?

Agree that the dog needs more exercise, but it might also be seeing you as a soft touch. You are allowed to tell it to bugger off if it’s being excessively demanding.

Give it time (a lot of time). I was in a similar situation when I moved in with my partner and his dog. It wasn’t until he went away and I was home with her alone for two weeks that we really cracked it. I still begrudge looking after her for extended periods of time but we definitely bonded after about a year of living together. She sounds different to your dog in a sense that she is really aloof and only has eyes for my partner so it was more the case of her beginning to see me as her legitimate “spare human” which then meant it was easier for me to warm up to her in return.

He does try to help with the dog, but it seems like there’s a gap in managing the dog’s attention-seeking behavior. I have mentioned that it’s challenging for me, and we’re discussing ways to address the issue, including setting better boundaries for the dog.

I have a three year old lab!

He needs two x one hour walks a day ideally. Or sometimes I might have to do 1 x 60 and 2 x 30 mins.

However, they are very affectionate dogs so I think if you don’t like it, you should probably move back out.

Labradors are intelligent dogs. If you simply ignore it, it will eventually learn not to come to you for attention.

However, it does sound like it needs more exercise in general - that's your partner's responsibility.

I have two labradors - they definitely need company and affection! I often spend the evening snuggled up between them.
My late husband loved our dogs too, so there was no problem.
Looking forward, does your partner intend to always have dogs? You need to consider if you could live with that.

As much as you are struggling to adjust to living with the dog, don’t forget that the dog is also having to adjust to having a new person in their home.

You don’t know each other and don’t know how to behave around each other.

Sounds like the dog is trying to get to know you, trying to make a connection - you need to tell it what is ok and what is not ok for you, it won’t know otherwise!

Do you have a garden?

Enrichment toys like tugger poles that you attach to doors, snuffle matts, nail boards and puzzle toys they can interact with to get treats will help entertain dog so they don't look for as much attention.

Labs need much more exercise and stimulation than a couple of walks. If time is restricting this or there's a lack of suitable outdoor space where dog can get a good run around and play, Dog treadmill.

@MsMonday I am a dog trainer. PM me and I'll send you some tips.

I’m not sure about his long-term plans regarding dogs, but it’s definitely something we’ll need to discuss as we figure out what works best for both of us.

It sounds like a typical lab/typical dog! To me. I love dogs, but it took me a long time to really 'fall in love' with each one I've had since being an adult. Even the one I hand-reared from a neonate! We're totally bonded now-and she's mine, I can imagine it can take longer with one that's someone else's.

I'd give it time, OP, don't force yourself to like the dog, but keep in mind that for many dogs, if they get the feeling someone doesn't favour them, they try their best to MAKE them, ie become more affectionate and more wanting their attention!

Yes, we do have a garden, but it’s not very large. I hadn’t thought about enrichment toys, so I’ll definitely look into those. It sounds like adding more mental stimulation could help. A dog treadmill sounds good too. Thanks for the suggestions.

Yes, we do have a garden, but it’s not very large. I hadn’t thought about enrichment toys, so I’ll definitely look into those. It sounds like adding more mental stimulation could help. A dog treadmill sounds good too. Thanks for the suggestions.

Thank you, I really appreciate that. I’ll PM you.

When I first moved in with my now dh he had to rehome his dog and cat - I was severely allergic there was no other option he was so upset but it was the only thing we could do

You could get a kitten? That'll put the dog in his place and is suitably antisocial in comparison. Everybody needs a buddy to avoid being outnumbered, after all.

What's not to love above a dog?

If they're smelly or aggressive or snappy or slobbery or noisy or sniffly or vomity or lucky or jumpy or whiny. And some other things

@NeverDropYourMooncup 1kg kitten vs Lab .... gonna need to get two kittens.

True. Best have a spare as well. So a small herd. That would work.

I would never date anyone who has a dog or cat. Have zero interest in pets and like cleanliness, so simply could not live in an unhygienic environment with shedding hair, piss, shitty arse, muddy paws, slobbering, stinky food, etc etc. And IME pet owners are unhygienic too, most think nothing of touching the pet or feeding the pet from their hand before going back to preparing dinner without washing their hands. Couldn’t tolerate it.