For not liking my partner’s pet?

[MsMonday]

I moved in with my partner recently, and while I love him, I’m struggling to warm up to his dog. AIBU for feeling like this?

A guy with a dog would have been an absolute deal breaker for me when I was dating. I would not have dated a dog owner never mind move in with them

Did you not stay over at all before you moved in? Are you now expected to be involved with walking the dog and clearing up after it?

Only you can decide if this relationship is worth it with this added in

Sorry hadn't seen all the other posts, I think I've duplicated questions

I completely understand.
I really dislike dogs but fell in love with a man who has one.
The dog drives me insane.
If it was any larger or stronger smelling I would be gone.
We compromised though - the dog isn't ever allowed in the bedroom and I've zero dog responsibilities. Dog also goes to his mum's when he's away with work.

I love the man more than I hate the dog.

I know he loves me but if he was a choice between me and the dog....I'm not sure 100% sure I would win!

You definitely wouldn't win.

Dogs are massive attention hogs 😂

I love animals, I hated my sons dads family dog.. took him for walks but he wasn't pleasant, my son could climb over my aunties dog, they shared food

My DH has 2 dogs he is besotted with. I love my 2 cats. I like the dogs well enough and walk and feed them if he is away. But I don't talk to them in a silly voice or let them get up on to the sofa with me. DH let's them share his chair with him.

By always needs attention, I mean that it frequently seeks out interaction and can become restless if it doesn’t get it. I’m finding it hard to juggle that with having some personal space. I don’t feel that my partner is neglecting me for it.

You're allowed to ignore the dog if you need personal space, he/she will adapt. As long as you're kind to them, that's enough given that he/she's not your dog.

My dog definitely enjoys attention but he understands that we can't play with him all the time so he snoozes in one of his favorite places. I'm slightly annoyed with him right now as he barfed on a rug today, I'm not convinced that its wasn't deliberate.

Unless the dog is untrained and therefore a nuisance, then YABU but even if the dog is a nuisance, the dog was there before you, it’s his/her home and you don’t get to ‘dislike’ it to your DP. Just move out. You shouldn’t have moved in with someone who has a dog if you weren’t prepared for every situation that might come with that.

Surely the dog would have been like this when you stayed over and therefore you would have seen the norm?

I did stay over occasionally, but it wasn’t until I moved in that I realised how much of a challenge it would be for me. I’m not expected to handle the dog’s routine, but the constant need for attention and the amount of involvement required is more than I anticipated.

Labrador's tend to calm down a bit from 3yrs onwards. But from what you say, it sounds like the dog is potentially not getting enough exercise. How long are these twice daily walks? Labs need a lot of exercise and stimulation.

Our lab gets that, and when she's at home she spends most of the time asleep because we've worn her out.

If the dog is only getting two short walks per day, like say 30mins each or something, that's just not enough. They need a few hours of burning off energy ideally. That might differ depending on if they are a working or show breed of lab. Ours is a working breed, so we walk her for hours and let her swim most days too. Then she sleeps at home and is not needy in the slightest, apart from wanting some affection every now and then, but a normal amount, nothing excessive.

It’s very telling that you are saying “it” rather than he or she - partly because the dog’s sex will influence how he or she behaves in some ways, but mostly because it suggests that you are not thinking of the dog as an individual family member. By that I don’t mean that you should be expected to love a random dog or even care for it, or that dogs are as important as humans in a family, but this dog was with your partner before you were and definitely is important to him. You seem to be thinking of it as a time consuming nuisance rather than an individual you have to get to know and who has to get to know you. There’s no obligation for you to do this, of course, but unless you’re thinking in terms of building your own relationship with the dog, he or she will not seem like an individual to you and you will continue to struggle to bond with him or her.

The dog may not be easy to get on with, may be under stimulated or badly trained etc, I’m not saying the dog’s behaviour isn’t part of the problem, but I still think that it’s important to realise it’s an individual that you don’t yet have a relationship with, but you can do if you choose to, but not without time and effort, probably.

@MsMonday You don't need to provide that attention and involvement though, your DP should be the one to do that.

Many dogs have a special attachment to one person in the household, your partner can fulfil that role. I'm the special person in our house, our dog expects far more from me than anyone else!

Yes, I did notice some of the dog’s behaviour during visits, but living together has brought out different dynamics and challenges that weren’t as apparent during shorter stays.

The walks are each about 45 mins, so it seems like the dog might not be getting enough exercise based on what you’re describing. I’ll speak with my partner about adjusting the routine to see if it helps with the restlessness and need for attention. Thanks for the advice.

😂 I get that, but not all dogs are. Our springer wasn't (in her elder years) but she was trained as a gun dog, so very obedient.

Conversely at a stable yard where I worked we had a doberman "guard dog" who would bark and bark at strangers and when you went to meet him was as soft as you like.

We took him to the beach one year and the old sod sat on my bloody lap the 2 hours there, because he'd never been in a car before and wanted reassurance. He bloody loved the beach ❤️ I wasn't sure having a doberman on my lap was the best if I'm honest... Years ago before you had to strap them in...

Sorry if I've missed it, but what does your partner do when the dog is demanding attention from you? Have you told him it's too much for you?

It does sound like dog needs to learn some boundaries. I'm assuming it doesn't bother your partner so he hasn't put anything in place for you or anyone else who doesn't want his/her attention.

Older dogs are a gift

Two 45 minute walk a day is not enough for a lab.

My Chihuahua/Beagle mix gets walked more than that.

The fact that your refer to his dog as "it" tells me all I need to know about you.
I don't know why anyone would move in with a partner who has a dog if they aren't willing to make an effort, nor do they understand how much care he/she needs. Its a stupid thing to do.

I think the dog sounds lovely and normal. Many dogs will seek out owners for petting and cuddles when they're around and cuddle up to you on sofas and beds.
Younger dogs will try to engage you a lot in play as well.

Most people love it and find petting the dog a stress relief but it sounds like you don't like it.

The dog may be bored or not getting enough play and exercise, my Samoyed can be similar if she's not had plenty of time messing around playing, walking, running off lead etc. She tends to come out with us for small things like taking child to and from school in the car even, going out to see the postman, window cleaners etc just to get some contact time with others, and if we go to a shop / coffee shop etc and they allow dogs she comes too
Get a snuggle mat or treat ball so she can spend time playing by herself to get the treats out ( we often use part of her daily kibble allowance to fill these things up with a few high quality treats too

You’re entitled to feel how you feel. But I wouldn’t continue a relationship with someone who didn’t like my dog. Might seem OT but there’s only going to be resentment on both sides. I adore my dog. My kids adore the dog, the dog is king! Don’t like my dog, fair enough but don’t bother being around me or my dog.