Drinks round etiquette

[Falsenegative]

I go out with a friend most weeks and have noticed that, on my round, she orders gin and tonic. On her round, she gets herself soda water. I always order vodka and coke. When I first realised I thought she was cheeky, but then I thought, actually, she’s spending the same amount on me regardless of what she orders as I am on her. Another friend, however, thinks she’s BU and it’s very cheeky behaviour.

I know it’ll be suggested that we should stop drinking in a round if it bothers me, but I’m more interested in whether people think it’s acceptable.

YANBU - There’s nothing wrong with her behaviour
YABU - She’s a CF

Nothing wrong with it at all. She mustn't want to drink that much, why would she have you only get her soda when she's paying for a vodka for you. What you're paying for her is what she's paying for you. You'd also be welcome to just have lemonade on your turn.

She would be unreasonable if she bought singles on her round but asked for a double on yours. She’s obviously being cautious with money but not short changing you.

I think this way round is fine - she's buying you the equivalent to what you buy her. She's just being savvy, saving calories, pennies and potentially a hangover 🤣

She is still getting you a drink of your choice, so I don't see a problem. Maybe it's her way of saving some money, or she just prefers a non alcoholic drink every other drink.

As long as you get back what you give, the round is even and no issue.

I used to have a friend that would try and plan whole nights out around when it was their round we'd be in a cheap bar!

Would you be paying less if you just bought your own drinks all night? If so just do that, but it sounds like you spend the same regardless and get the same drinks.

Plenty of people alternate soft drinks or water with alcoholic drinks so they don't drink so much alcohol.

It's fine, can your friend explain why it's cheeky behaviour?

But if she didn't do it this way round, given she wants to alternate drinks, she would be losing out massively?
Whereas as you say, you aren't losing anything.

I'm assuming vodka & coke or gib&tonic is similar price, but soda is cheaper?

Round friend is a bit like the one described by @xILikeJamx. Very, very tight. Avoids paying for taxis, forces her round into being at a cheaper pub etc. so I think probably just part of that. I think that’s why my reaction was initially the same, that it was cheeky, until I thought about.

Maybe you are doing the rounds too often for her and she can't keep up with your drinking?

No, I’d happily not bother with rounds. No pressure on her to match me at all.

Yes, I think as she's buying you the same number of drinks as you are her, it's up to her what she buys herself on her round.

I often buy myself half when it's my round. Not because I don't want to spend the money, but because I can't keep up!

Seems fine then

If she was refusing to spend on you, that's an issue but as you described not an issue

She’s bought you an alcoholic drink, you’ve bought her one, imagine these are similar cost.

I can’t see why you’d be bothered? If she got her non alcoholic drink on your round then you’d be spending less on her than she’d spend on you. Which is more unfair. Her way is fair.

It's fine.

She doesn't have to balance when she buys for you with what she buys for herself. She has to balance when you buy for her with what she buys for you. Which she appears to do.

makes perfect sense.
She only wants to drink half as much as you, for whatever reason.

Say each alcoholic drink costs £5 for an easy reference but water is free. You have 6 rounds.

If you both just bought your own drinks you would spend £30 (for 6 alcoholic drinks) and she would spend £15 (3 alcoholic drinks and 3 waters)

The way you currently do it, you spend £30 (3 alcoholic drinks for you, and 3 for her), and she spends £15 (3 alcoholic drinks for you, 3 waters for her). So exactly the same amount, therefore completely fair.

If she had her non-alcoholic drinks on your round, she would be spending
£30 (3 alcoholic drinks for you, and 3 for her), and you would only be spending £15 (3 alcoholic drinks for yourself and her 3 waters)

So of course her way is fairer, you are both buying each other 3 drinks and you've also bought yourself 3 extra drinks.
The other way around she would be buying you 3 drinks and you wouldn't be buying her any!

tbh I just don't bother with rounds for exactly this reason. The only advantage of them is to be nice and get a friend a drink, by the time you're squabbling over who owes what and who got the raw deal there's no point to it.

There's nothing remotely wrong with this, it's a fair exchange, your second friend is a dunce

No cf. If you use the example above. £5 per drink. Water free. 6 drinks (three each). If you bought all 6 that's £30. If she bought them it's only £15. Yes you are getting what you want drinks wise, but she is being cheeky in not buying herself a drink, but never having the free drink in your round.

I know most don't agree, but I feel she is taking advantage. It like why I didn't often drink in rounds when I was younger. I drank beer my mates larger. Beer often was 20p a pint cheaper....so if I was drinking with 2 mates and we all got 2 rounds I would be spending 80p per night more....over a 7 day week (yes I am talking about being 20 or so in the 80s) that's £5.60...

These days if you go out every week, say 50 times a year you are spending £1500 with the examples above. She is spending £750.

These days if you go out every week, say 50 times a year you are spending £1500 with the examples above. She is spending £750.

If you're drinking what you want to drink 50 weeks of the year what's the problem?

how is she taking advantage though?
They are both spending exactly the same amount as they would if they didn't buy rounds and just bought their own drinks, so what advantage is she getting?

"You are spending £1500 with the examples above. She is spending £750"
Yes, she's spending half as much because she's only getting half as much. She is only getting 3 alcoholic drinks a week whereas OP is getting 6. OP is getting twice as many drinks, therefore she pays twice as much.

Whereas if she got her water on OP's rounds OP would be getting 3 free drinks a week and friend would be the one losing £750 a year. So OP would be the one taking advantage.

In exactly the same way as if they went shopping, OP bought 2 handbags worth £750 each and her friend only bought one. Friend would only spend half as much because she bought less! You wouldn't suggest that the friend gave OP £375 towards her second bag to make it equal just because they were both shopping at the same time!

These days if you go out every week, say 50 times a year you are spending £1500 with the examples above. She is spending £750.

It’s not about spending equal. It’s about spending equal on the other person. Doesn’t matter if you spend less on yourself. If two people buy each other a drink, and then one person decides to buy food too, is that unfair because the other person didn’t buy food? No of course not.

Lots of people have to be careful with money nowadays even though they still want to go out and socialise.

And yes, I realise you may give the standard MN reply which is something like "She has no money worries whatsoever, as she has a holiday home in Maldives and owns a llama that shits £50 notes 🤣

I don't think it's cheeky...a bit odd but not cheeky.

But the friend isn't getting water on the ops round...just hers, so on a night out the op will always spend more. If I'm in a round and want a soft drink, or I'm going earlier I will drip out when I have spent the same as everyone else. It's basic pub etiquette.
I have one mate where be don't you count who bought the first or last because we drink together so often it evens out.

I just think she wants to save money so the op funds her drinking.

YABU - I think it's pretty cheeky of her. That's basically like going out for a meal and saying if you pay I'll have Steak, if I'm paying I'll have a baked potato! If it was about her not wanting to drink too much like *@easylikeasundaymorning says then surely the decent thing to do would be get the soda water on OP's round