Drinks round etiquette

[Falsenegative]

I go out with a friend most weeks and have noticed that, on my round, she orders gin and tonic. On her round, she gets herself soda water. I always order vodka and coke. When I first realised I thought she was cheeky, but then I thought, actually, she’s spending the same amount on me regardless of what she orders as I am on her. Another friend, however, thinks she’s BU and it’s very cheeky behaviour.

I know it’ll be suggested that we should stop drinking in a round if it bothers me, but I’m more interested in whether people think it’s acceptable.

YANBU - There’s nothing wrong with her behaviour
YABU - She’s a CF

Of course she's not being cheeky 🙄. They're each spending £15 on the other person.

I'm blown away that quite a few people don't understand how the friend is not being cheeky at all. It's very very simple maths explained very articulately and patiently several times above.

It’s not cheeky at all, it’s completely fair, her choice to buy herself what she wants in her round.

It’s a reciprocal arrangement.

Does this make it easier for people to understand...

Friend A spends £10 on friend B
Friend B spends £10 of friend A

All fair right?

Then on top of that, they also spend on themselves.
Friend A spends £10
Friend B spends £5

Friend A has spent £20 and consumed £20 worth of drinks

Friend B has spent £15 and consumed £15 worth of drinks

Is that easier to see how she's not being cheeky at all?

I think it's not the fact (for me anyway) that she is buying the op drinks, it's the fact that she isn't buying herself drinks or ever asking for just a water on the ops round. Yes the op is getting her share of drinks, but she will always be spending more on a night out.
It's pub rules, which are a law unto themselves. Such as you must always split open a packet of crisps. You always cue nicely in your local and point out who's next, but it's survival of the fittest in a city centre pub. You never have a short if someone is buying a round after a big win on the fruit machine. Only locals can have a tab. You get up out of the chair and give it to the old boy who always sits there, but if someone younger asks you to move you refuse. You don't rip off the young inexperienced staff who have given you too much change or asked for the wrong amount. As I said not logical but...

Okay try it another way. Ignore the water to make it as basic as possible so all you need to think about is that the total number of drinks they pay for over the course of the night is 9.

If friend drank her water on OP's round she'd be paying for 6 drinks but only drinking 3, and OP would be paying for 3 drinks and drinking 6. How would that be fair, or "decent" of OP to accept that?

Whereas the way they do it, friend pays for 3 drinks and drinks 3, OP pays for 6 and drinks 6 = couldn't be more fair.

but the OP is ONLY spending more on a night out because she's always drinking twice as much!
She would still spend more if they just both paid for their own drinks.
It's the same as if they both had the same number of drinks but OP also had a meal every time, so spent twice as much. You wouldn't expect the friend to pay for half the meal?

Perhaps she does want to save money, what's wrong with that? OP isn't funding her drinking though because OP isn't paying any more than if they were both paying separately for their own drinks. Whereas if she did it your way she would be subsidising OP, by a large amount.

How your friend chooses to spend her money on herself is none of you or your friends business- in a nutshell

It’s definitely a fair way to do things because the other person isn’t drinking as much, it’s the concepts of ‘rounds’ that seems to be the issue. If you were out with a mate and they bought the first two pints, then when it was your round you bought them a pint but didn’t want one yourself but just had a water then it would be all square, right? That’s exactly what’s happening here. Although you have said there’s other reasons they have been a cheeky fucker in the past which is clouding your thinking and may be justified, but it’s separate to this specific situation

It's really not 'pub rules'. The friend can get whatever she wants for herself on her round. It would be more unreasonable for OP to regularly accept vodka & coke off the mate if the mate was only drinking water. The OP would be taking the piss then, but as it stands at the moment no one is.

Can we agreed to disagree, I don't think you are wrong as I can fully see your point of view, but personally I would not be happy with the friend

Nah, it's fine.

She buys you a drink costing £3 on her round.
You are buying her one costing the same on your round.

Is she doesn't want to buy a £3 for herself on her round, that makes no difference to OP it all.

OP is spending more only because she is drinking more.

I go shopping with my friend at the trousers shop, where each pair of trousers cost £10.

I buy one pair of trousers and pay £10 and she buys five pairs of trousers and pays £50.

Is that unfair?

It's literally exactly the same thing. OP pays for the amount of drinks she gets and friend pays for the amount of drinks she gets.

@SleepToad

Wow!

So you think that OP drinking £30 worth of drinks and it costing her £30 and her friend drinking £15 worth of drinks and it costing her £15 is somehow unfair.

And instead you think that OP should only pay £15 for her £30 worth of drinks whilst her friend pays £30 for £15 worth of drinks. And all because of some made up pub "etiquette"

I am actually really shocked that anyone would think that.

Surely the actual pub etiquette is that you don't take more than you're prepared to give in return? Which the friend is following completely, but OP wouldn't be if she accepted £5 drinks for herself on her friends round and reciprocated on her own round with free water for her friend.

I'm really hoping you're just bad at maths and don't understand rather than you actually think like you say you do.

It's not the same thing at all.

No not bad at maths, just like the op, I feel that I was being taken advantage of in that she never has a water on my round. But as I said above, I see what everyone else is saying. I accept the argument, I personally don't agree but I have my view you have yours...it's my round so what are you having?

Can we change the subject and argue about something really important..green Smarties are the best, but not the green m&ms

Seriously, we're never going to be friends. Putting aside that I don't agree with you about round etiquette, we have a BIG issue on sweets. Green aren't the worst, clearly black are. But green are second worst. Orange are the best.

There is nothing to disagree with.

Op is not losing out financially at all. She is having twice as many drinks as her friend, so rightfully she pays twice as much. It's as simple as that.

If she said “I don’t want a drink but let me get you one”, you’d think she was generous. Same thing surely?

She's not doing you out of anything, you're getting the same drinks back as you bought for her and you're getting the same as you would get if she bought a drink on her round.

But, she's clearly breaking the etiquette of being in a round. So however this works out from an accounting point of view, she is being unreasonable.

How exactly is she being unreasonable?! OP goes home after a night out having spent the same amount of money regardless of whether friend drinks all night or has water on her own round.

She's not being unreasonable because she's getting more than she's giving, or because the OP is missing out... just because she's not following normal round etiquette. If she doesn't want to do rounds in the normal way she should not do rounds.

...because she's not following normal round etiquette.

Oh God...who cares?! 🤷‍♀️