AIBU to not allow Snapchat for a 12 year old?

[ImaBuilder]

My just turned 12 year old is howling because I’m not letting her have Snapchat. It’s been going on for about a month.

I’m so tired of the constant battle on this topic.

I feel like she’s pushed so hard and I said no so often that I now have to stay firm.

help

I’m not exaggerating with that timeline either.

5-10 minutes and she’ll have adds from predators and men you don’t want your daughter around. If she uses a picture or posts a story, especially a public one, hundreds of men.

Women and girls need to know how bad it can be out there. Hope I’ve helped.

The only way you could allow it to as if it was just her friend group. No outsiders at all (your daughter would have to be very trusted)

I have a 12 year old boy who keeps telling me he's the only one in the year not to have Snapchat and tiktok but I'm still saying no. My current battle is YouTube due to YouTube shorts, it's basically tiktok! I ended up banning it last year after much discussion with them first about why and the apps were deleted on any devices but they can still access it on a browser and I can't seem to block that entirely.

Thank you for all these comments.We’re not alone. Let’s stay strong, I was going to say: ‘ask me again in January’. But I’m going to wait at least a full year now.

lots of good points you’re all making giving me lots of food for thought and ammo. and I’m grateful for the reading / YT suggestions

@Prisonbreak so sorry to hear about your sister in law. Hope she gets well again soon.
@ShirtyBertie sending lots of good wishes to your family. I hope your DD is a bit better now. It’s good she has a mum like you ❤️

you made me laugh @SodapopCurtis!

Yes you have helped @Bangwam1! I don’t use the app so have no idea.

Also good point to have the condition that it stays private if she gets it when she is older.

Snapchat is a hard no due to the inability to monitor.

I find it crazy so many parents are fine with it.

13 has been complaining again today as she wants it.
Sticking with No, but it's getting harder to do so!

Also 17 year old has it and I think he wishes it didn't exist.

Yanbu. I reluctantly gave in at age 15 after years of asking. There will be plenty of other kids who don’t have it no matter how much your child protests that they’re the only one.

Not suitable for 12 yo. It's used for dick pic, bullying and grooming

You are doing the right thing. Stay firm. The tide is changing on this. We will look back in horror one day.

Download the app yourself @ImaBuilder create an account with a female profile, female name and add a couple of hearts like most young teens would. See how many men request to add you. Add some of them and see what the first questions they ask are.

I didn't allow it until my DS was 16. He survived. There was a lot of wailing and moaning but it was a hill I was prepared to die on.

Hard no from me too. DS 13's friends all have it, despite us mums having a conversation about how dodgy it was. Well, at high school the kids only want their "snap" not their phone number so two out of four of the mums have given in.

In my opinion those mums are trying to be "cool", their kids are the "cool" ones who have girlfriends/boyfriends and in my opinion are growing up way too fast.
My DS is a young 13 and there is no way he is getting it anytime soon.

It’s a firm no from me too. DD also just turned 12. Neither does she have WhatsApp.
stay strong!
It’s only been designed for bullying!!

Oh and to echo a PP they wanted it for "the filters" and were obsessed with them, honestly they would all be hanging out around our house and just messing around with filters, saying which one made them look better etc etc.
I'm not having negative talk about appearances around here - filters don't make them look better. It's the opposite

My 11yo asked recently about it and I told her honestly that I was more concerned about the type of messages she could receive rather than what she shares with her friends. I said I'm concerned about the map feature and just because you can switch something off doesn't mean it won't come back on again with an app update. There was a really horrible crime here recently and photos of the victim were shared by the perpetrator on Snapchat.

The fact that messages disappear so you can't read over anything later if there's been something horrible said by someone.

It was never designed as an app for kids, it was for cheating and sharing nudes.

My dc kept on about snap chat. Said no. Eventually said stop asking. Explained why and said its not about you and trust of you, its about others and quite frankly a closed WhatsApp is enough.

The photos sent can be screenshot. it's what they receive too

In the end said if don't stop asking there won't be a smartphone and followed through. It's a luxury not a right. Also, we restrict time on apps, time on the thing and that old favourite, no phones in bedrooms.

You’re not unreasonable. And if anyone’s child is younger than the lowest age on the T&Cs they are wrong to have it anyway. Over that it’s more negotiable but parents’ choice.

Same here. I said I understand why you are asking but if you keep nagging, there will be no phone/ipad at all, as they are actually mine not yours. And limited screen time, no tech at bedtime and I check it all most days. The other thing I’ve emphasised is they are now Y7, at a new school, and that is the primary focus at the moment.

I don’t want to go into specific details on here, but I ask that you hold off letting your child have Snapchat for as long as possible. This is coming from a parent who didn’t know their 13yr old child had downloaded it, and now we’re having to seek counselling for him (not blaming his mental health entirely on the app, but it has definitely contributed to the decline).

@YouG0GlenCoco have you blocked YouTube on your router settings? I can block it through BT Internet, at least if they're using Wifi - and I only pay for 1GB data which wouldn't last long watching videos. Unfornately DH vetoed the block after a week because he uses YouTube as part of his work (genuine, WFH). Luckily DS watches harmless stuff quite a bit educational, but it's the watching Minecraft videos for ages which gets me.

thank you. I’m tempted to try this

DD also says she wants it for the filters. That this can bring on obsession with looks hadn’t even occurred to me! Duh of course

@HeartandSeoul social media can definitely impact on mental health. Hope your son gets well soon.

There’s a way to see all messages ever sent or received if necessary. You have to request it in settings and snap sends an email with everything.