To feel offended by my friend’s backhanded compliments

[SeasonedChoices]

A friend constantly makes comments like “you look great for your age” (I’m only 31) or “you’re doing so well considering everything.” It’s starting to bother me. AIBU to feel offended?

You feel how you feel I guess.

But I'd be having fun giving better than I got with the 'compliments' 🤣

I'm the sort of person who calls this sort of thing out every.single.time.

You'd be surprised at how quickly people tend to stop.

“You’re actually quite tolerable for a total wanker…”

Say it back. Every time.

Is it all comments or occasionally comments….any chance friend is on a spectrum? I feel like I have made comments like this occasionally (defo not all the time) but I’m ND and sometimes tell it a bit too straight even if I mean well.

I'd ask her if she means to spend so rude

I mean, I'm petty - so I'd be giving it right back.

"You look great for your age" could be replied to with "oh I know, just started this new skincare / face mask / Korean snail essence routine - I'll send you the details - I'm sure it'll do the same for you!"

"You're doing so well considering everything" - you could respond "oh I know, don't worry I'm sure things will pick up for you too soon!"

Just flip it 🤷🏻‍♀️

She's not a friend, is she? She's putting you down - is there something about you and your life that she feels jealous of?

This 👆🏻

Agree that you need to bite back.

Either start doing the same to them or call them out on it every time, eg 'Did you mean to be rude?' or 'Here you go again with the backhanded compliments!'

If you put up with it, it will continue.

" Whatever you do, Marion, never apply to join the diplomatic corps".

She's not a friend. Don't be a punch bag. Tell her to fuckoff stop being a bitch.

She's not a friend. Don't be a punch bag. Tell her to fuckoff stop being a bitch.

Just do the same back. See how she likes it.😂

Yeah she’s being a bitch. There’s no escaping it. You either confront it or phase her out.

Words are so important and the way your friend is saying these "compliments" is a real incite to her true thoughts. Thankfully for you it says way more about her and her insecurities than it does about you. Look for feedback from real friends and ignore her meaningless words

I’d act dumb and ask her to expand on what she means. “You look good for your age” would get me asking “what do you mean exactly?”, “which parts of me are you talking about?”, “what do you think a 31 year old should look like?” etc. Make her justify the statements she making and hopefully make her squirm.

Or she’s just nasty

I had a colleague like that. She was notorious. "Your hair looks nice-from the back" and "I wouldn't have the nerve to wear those trousers if I was your size" and "It's your birthday? I didn't think you were 40." The recipient beginning to thank her and, "I thought you were much older."
Surprisingly nobody kept up with her after she retired. I've body swerved her twice as she lives in roughly the same area.

She's not your friend. She sounds like a bitchy person who is making nasty comments under the pretence of paying you a compliment, to undermine your confidence. Some women are just like that unfortunately.

I had a friend like this, 'had' being the main word, I got shot of her about 3 years ago and haven't missed the diggy
put down comments. That isn't a friend. You can't be 'friends' with someone who is jealous of you, it just doesn't work. Free yourself OP because you will probably just start complaining dreading being around them, if you don't already xxx

*completely

I ghosted someone who always did this to me and I'm not sorry about that. People who do this are either so lacking in sense that they're not going to reflect on their behaviour even if you tell them, OR (and mostly) they're manipulative, sneaky and nasty and will find a way to twist you saying 'Stop behaving like such a cunt' into it being a you problem.

And life is just too short.

i would just be like "gosh for my age?! I'm only 31, behave woman!" If she continues after you draw attention to how ridiculous then I would cease to be friends with her. Honestly life is too short for people like this!

thanks for posting this. I have a family member who would never praise ever. Instead, when I had an unignorable success, they would say ‘you’re not the fool people take you for.’ And sort of snigger to themselves.

i hated it and it chipped away at my self esteem. It literally never occurred to me to call it out or flip it. I was conditioned to suck it up.

please do what I didn’t do and stand up for yourself. I wish that I had done. It was vile behaviour that I didn’t deserve. Ignoring it didn’t make it go away.

I wouldn't be offended by those at all, in fact I can't even find the insult in the second one, maybe there needs to be more context. Maybe you're overly sensitive.

She is not a friend.

Get rid...