Upset with my this comment from my mum

[EllisBell89]

AIBU or is she?

I claim UC and currently in the LCW section due to my mental health, so don’t need to look for work , however I still need regular video calls, once a month, which I know is part of the agreement.
I was talking to my mum a few hours before my call on Friday and said I was feeling anxious and I feel as though I have to repeat the same thing every video call as nothing actually changes.
She said that it’s free money and I should be grateful that I’m getting it at all, and I should go above and beyond and do whatever they want me to do.
It just made me feel like I’m not worthy of the money and I’m doing something wrong.

You definitely are worthy - but I agree that there has to be some way in place of them checking you are still entitled to the same benefits - the fact nothing changes means you can keep showing them that you need the support.

What’s LCW section?

YANBU OP - I’ve had similar comments from my mum - IGNORE her

Hard to day without knowing what the relationship is usually like and how your mum usually is. It may just be that your mum was a bit blunt, but your mental health is causing you to overly focus on what was an offhand comment and take the comment more personally than it was meant. She may have just meant that not having to look for work is a supportive position to be in right now and that therefore it’s worth doing what they need you to do so that you can continue to claim. She may also feel worried about you if you’re too mentally unwell to work and may feel like if you engage with the calls it’s more likely you will get to a place where you are able to work.

Of course it might also be that she was benefit bashing and trying to accuse you of freeloading, I guess it depends on the context of the rest of your relationship. Either way try not to focus on what she said too much, presumably you have been assessed for UC and the type of benefits you receive and it doesn’t matter what she thinks, the assessment clearly identified this is the benefits you’re entitled to and that’s all that matters right now.

@Sparting Low Capability for work

She's absolutely right but she could've worded it a bit more sensitively.

Hope you're ok OP.

She’s right. It’s free money and like any money it requires loopholes to be jumped through especially as you can’t work (and so have no choice really). There’s no point stressing about it and if it is stressful you should talk about strategies to help yourself feel more prepared with your caseworker

A video call a month is doable for most people. They're ticking a box. If nothing has changed, that's what you tell them.

I do understand that and I always do the calls of course and I know that my money won’t be paid otherwise, it’s just the way she said I should be bending over backwards to accommodate whatever the DWP ask of me, because it’s free money, and I should be grateful to get anything.

Ah thanks for explaining

Well she’s not wrong, really is she? We are fortunate to have a benefits system and it’s not unreasonable to be expected to follow procedures.

That’s not to say you don’t deserve it, of course.

I think she worded it a bit clumsily but she is right.
If you want the support you have to do what you are asked to do so that you continue to qualify for the support. It's the same as when you are working, you have to do the work to get your wages. That doesn't mean it's easy or pleasant though.
And I think we are lucky to live in a society that provides the safety net that th UK does. So I agree that you should be grateful to receive anything. If you lived in the USA for instance you would be much worse off.

Again, not exactly charmingly worded but still 100% right.

The more you can accommodate them, the quicker and easier it is for both you and them.

Then that's it, ticked off the list for another month where you rinse and repeat if there are no changes.

She's not wrong though?

Agree, clumsy and blunt but correct. Should people who work say how unfair it is that they have to turn up and do tasks to get their salary?

Most of us have to do things we don’t love to get money. And for a lot longer than five minutes a month.

I had to look up LCW so now am asking OP if you are prepared to explain a little what is it about your mental health situation that prevents you from working? I am simply curious but understand if you're not willing to share.

Your mother is correct but we only have your side to this.

Don't answer this OP, or the thread will definitely go off on a huge tangent.

Plus it has nothing to do with anything, as the professionals have deemed you entitled to the money.

Was just about to say the same thing.

You don't need to explain anything OP, it's no one else's business.

She’s not wrong though is she? I don’t love going to work every day but it’s what I have to do to get paid.

The thing is that if you are on benefits it seems right to me that you need to check in regularly. Unemployed people without mental health issues used to have to go and 'sign on', I don't know if this is still a thing. If people get handouts there does need to be some control on how the recipient is getting on.

I can understand people reading this and thinking 'well your mum isnt wrong' but I think that's ignoring that a lot of the DWP processes leave people feeling pretty worthless. People can appreciate the support of a safety net without being made to feel that they've sacrificed their autonomy and dignity. It smacks a bit of 'beggars can't be choosers'
I had to sign on for a bit years ago and it was a horrible process and left me feeling pretty worthless, even though it only lasted a few months and I was able to get back into work.

She was probably trying to urge you to do what you need to do to keep money coming in, 5 minutes a month on a quick call isn't much I don't think.
I have to set my alarm for 4.45am Monday to Friday to get the money I earn so we are all making sacrifices to keep an income stream one way or another.

She was clumsy but correct. I think we should all be grateful to live in a country with safety nets like this.

Your mother is correct. Surely you must see that?