Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have not stepped in and said something?

27 replies

stressedout1994 · 14/09/2024 18:45

Hi all

I was just on the high street waiting for the bus. A woman had three kids - a little boy who looked around 4, a girl of a similar age, and a little girl in the pram - she looked about 16 months or so.

The little boy was being really aggressive - hitting his sister of the same age, then smacking hard on the baby's legs. The baby laughed, and when the mum went to intervene he went to smack her, hard, in the face and on the arms repeatedly.

The mum just kept going 'stop, she doesn't like it', and 'stop, be nice'. Seemed completely ineffectual. I know that maintaining control of 3 kids is hard, but I think it's terrible to let a little boy hit his siblings, especially a baby.

She looked really stressed and frazzled, and - again - I get that parenting three children must be incredibly hard. But I really wanted to say something. I think all this 'gentle parenting' stuff is no excuse for letting your son learn at an early age that it's fine to whallop people, especially women. It made me feel sad and worried about how that woman's partner must treat her if her son thinks it's OK and normal to try and whack his Mum and hit his sister. That's ultimately why I didn't say anything.

Should I have said something? Or would I have just made a hard day even harder? I am not a mother but I have a wonderful young godson and plenty of small children in my family and I have never seen children behave like this.

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 14/09/2024 18:48

You did the right thing by staying out of it and minding your own business. She was probably worried she'd be judged harshly if she'd really told him off or shouted at him.

jackstini · 14/09/2024 18:51

I have a feeling you are asking if you should have had a bit of a go at her for her parenting

What you should have done is smiled at her and said 'parenting can be fun can't it?! Been there - what can I do to help?'

CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 14/09/2024 18:55

You don't know she does gentle parenting, you have no idea if her child has witnessed the dad abusing the mum either. Both of those things are a bit of a reach.

It sounds like a stressed mum navigating 3 small kids on public transport while having her every move watched. She couldn't have won here at all. If she shouted she would have been the subject of a thread on here as well.

Coconutter24 · 14/09/2024 18:56

You did right by minding your own business. A mother of 3 young children that looks stressed and frazzled does not need your judgement. I say judgement because you don’t sound like you were going to be helpful.

HoppityBun · 14/09/2024 19:02

Said something? Said what?

“It’s tough isn’t it, can I help?”
”You’re doing a great job and I hope you get some sleep tonight”?
”Don’t worry they grow up fast and this stage will soon be over. I do sympathise “?
”Do you know I think you’re doing gentle parenting and you’re making a bad choice for you and your children and I’m here to make sure you know how critical I am of you”?

alpacachino · 14/09/2024 19:03

What is it you think she should have done then oh parenting guru?

Baguettesandcheeseforever · 14/09/2024 19:05

If you were going to intervene to offer solidarity and ask how to help then okay but from the judgemental tone of your post, I’d say you were better off to stay quiet.

Bournetilly · 14/09/2024 19:05

It was right to stay out of it, YABU to consider otherwise

GalileoHumpkins · 14/09/2024 19:06

But I really wanted to say something. I think all this 'gentle parenting' stuff is no excuse for letting your son learn at an early age that it's fine to whallop people, especially women. It made me feel sad and worried about how that woman's partner must treat her if her son thinks it's OK and normal to try and whack his Mum and hit his sister. That's ultimately why I didn't say anything

You made some giant leaps from one tiny snapshot of someone's life. You sound like a right judgy busybody.

GermanBite · 14/09/2024 19:07

Do you have kids op?

Do you really believe that children who hit, are always copying behaviour seen at home?

Woodworm2020 · 14/09/2024 19:08

Before having children of my own I was also a flawless parent!

EnhancedVampireEyeballs · 14/09/2024 19:10

What would you have said?

funinthesun19 · 14/09/2024 19:13

YABU to project your thoughts about abusive men on to a 4 year old boy.

It easily could have been the little old girl hitting out instead. At that age little children do.

Glad you kept out of it.

Sleepersausage · 14/09/2024 19:15

What exactly would you have said that would've been of any help whatsoever?

Teanbiscuits33 · 14/09/2024 19:21

What did you expect her to do in public, exactly? Make a massive fuss or hit him back!? Hardly appropriate and whatever she did she would have been judged by someone like you. I’d have told him if he carries on there will be X consequence, but beyond that I’m not sure what she could have done. You don’t know what sanctions were given when they got home.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/09/2024 19:23

A genuinely intended offer of help and support might have been lovely.

But it sounds like you want to criticise. You don't know she uses gentle parenting. The parenting you've described isn't gentle parenting, it's just a lack of parenting.

You have no idea what was going on for her.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 14/09/2024 19:24

So what you really wanted to do was make a difficult moment even harder by judging her out loud?

Original poster
stressedout1994 · 14/09/2024 19:25

For all of you helpfully suggesting that I'm a judgey mare.... I would have liked to have helped in some way i.e. 'would you like a hand onto the bus' but there was nothing practically that I could have done. My initial thinking was that if she was getting on the same bus as me I would have offered to help with the buggy and sit with one of the siblings so that they weren't bickering with each other, but she didn't get on my bus.

I am also amazed that everyone commenting on this thread has never sympathised with someone whilst also having slightly judgemental thoughts... very happy for you to all be so good-natured :)

OP posts:
xyz111 · 14/09/2024 19:26

And how would that have helped? "Oh yes perfect stranger, I'll change the way I parent, thank you for suggesting it". 3 kids and trying to get on a bus, sounds like a nightmare. If she'd have really shouted at the boy, she would have got criticised for that too.

OrangeSlices998 · 14/09/2024 19:27

YABU to label this gentle parenting. It’s permissive, at best.

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 14/09/2024 19:28

stressedout1994 · 14/09/2024 19:25

For all of you helpfully suggesting that I'm a judgey mare.... I would have liked to have helped in some way i.e. 'would you like a hand onto the bus' but there was nothing practically that I could have done. My initial thinking was that if she was getting on the same bus as me I would have offered to help with the buggy and sit with one of the siblings so that they weren't bickering with each other, but she didn't get on my bus.

I am also amazed that everyone commenting on this thread has never sympathised with someone whilst also having slightly judgemental thoughts... very happy for you to all be so good-natured :)

Your OP was purely judgemental and now you drip feed all the nice things you were thinkign of doing like helping her get on the bus... while still judging the woman you know n o t h i n g about.

I stopped being judgemental once I had my own kids. But I am readi9ng you are an EXPERT because... you have a godson!
😂😂😂😂😂😂

Catza · 14/09/2024 19:28

Let me get that straight..the boy hit a baby and the baby laughed? Seems like you either massively exaggerating what happened or it didn't happen at all.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 14/09/2024 19:28

Maybe if your OP wasn't so full of judgment, you may have had some different answers.

DemBonesDemBones · 14/09/2024 19:29

I regularly sport black eyes from my disabled child. One of the silver linings of parenting them is that I truly truly, with my whole heart, no longer give a shiny shite what other people think of us.

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 14/09/2024 19:30

GermanBite · 14/09/2024 19:07

Do you have kids op?

Do you really believe that children who hit, are always copying behaviour seen at home?

She doesnt, she has a godson though and saw some children out and about and this was the first instance of an unruly child she has seen.