To be too scared to talk to my family about my new heart problems?

[SaltyDragon]

I was taken to hospital, last night, under blue lights and sirens, with a racing, out of sync heart. The paramedics phoned ahead and I was literally wheeled out of the ambulance, through the fastest triage ever and into Resus where I was inundated with medical people, all within the space of 10 minutes or so. The staff were amazing.

I was diagnosed with AF, Afib so my heart was out of rhythm and beating way too fast. They managed to get me back to sinus rhythm and my heartrate down and gave me antibiotics for two skin infections they found. But I am now left with possible heart disease, a raft of new medications to take (honestly I rattle) and a load of tests to find out why my heart is no longer working properly.

And, apart from my two adult children, I dare not talk to any of my family because I know they will accuse me of trying to be centre of attention and a hypochondriac. (I have a lot of medical issues, mostly due to being obese) Which leaves me no-one to talk to, so I'm hoping you lovely people will have non-judgemental advice and encouragement to give me.

I just feel so low about not being able to talk to my sisters and brothers (parents both gone) openly about this.

Do you think once your siblings understand that you're working towards improved health and really taking care of yourself...
.that they'll be prepared to talk to you again?

Do you think it IS your health issues which are keeping them away?

Oh gosh, that must have been so frightening for you, OP.

I have a family member who had bad recurrent a-fib episodes. It was terrifying for her - and for those around her, who were incredibly concerned about these very scary episodes and her progressively deteriorating health.

It was her body and her health of course - and people around her respected that. But we were also pretty worried for her.

If she was on this thread, she would be telling you that the a-fib diagnosis (and a diagnosis around the same time of type 2 diabetes) was a loud wake up call for her to tackle her obesity.

Her health has since massively improved. The a-fib episodes have stopped and she has been told by the cardiac specialist that she no longer needs the treatment they were previously suggesting would be necessary.

Thinking of you OP - and hope that with the right support around you, you will be able to tackle some of the issues you’re facing and begin to feel better.

I realise that people are not always kind when it comes to medical issues which may be connected to lifestyle - but I really hope as you do what you can do to improve your health, you will have the support of people around you.

I know it’s far from easy - but there will be plenty of us here who can empathise from our own experience - and will be cheering you on!

I'm appalled at some of these responses. I cannot understand the unkindness.

OP I'm so sorry you have had such a frightening experience. I'm so sorry you have lost your mum who would normally have been your confidante. I can totally understand that it's painful that your siblings aren't around you supporting you. This is all so understandable that I have no idea why you've had such nasty responses.

Be kind to yourself and perhaps reach out to a kind friend in place of family. Also your adult children will want to support you and be there for you I'm sure.

AF is not heart disease as such - it is just a faulty rhythm - I have had it for years, and now that I am older it is getting worse unfortunately. Clearly it does need properly looking into but there are millions of people who walk around with it all the time - with the rate controlled with medication. Most people have PAF - which is AF that comes and goes. Most need an anticoagulant life long as it slightly increases the risk of having a stroke at some point - I have been on them for longer than I can remember.

I do remember how scary the first episode was so I am sending you sympathy. This episode will trigger all the right investigations and drugs are there to control the rate and prevent the complication of a stroke.

There is a facebook group devoted to those with AF.

There are other treatments available but drugs are always the first go-to option because they work well for most people.

I am sorry you are struggling with your weight. You are right to be taking proper steps to bring this down, but everyone knows this is not easy.

Now that you have had this scare, hopefully they will be getting on top of all the right tests - cholesterol, ECG, echocardiogram etc. - and taking the right steps for you, which I am sure will include advice about losing weight - but that is what you want anyway.

I am not overweight, but also had a separate and unconnected issue with my heart which required a stent inserting. The medics will want you to avoid any further problems so it is good that they are now on your case and can do all the right things to improve your life from now on.

This is a very odd take. She had a diagnosis, atrial fibrillation, and is awaiting to find out the cause. It is very scary to be blue lighted to hospital with a heart condition and worrying to undergo tests.

My dad was a marathon runner and developed a-fib later in life.

Wow some of the replies here are so nasty. 😳

That must have been scary op. They must have been concerned to have rushed you through so quickly. I have very complex health needs and it can make you very anxious. Who wouldn’t be?

Based on this info, I’d say don’t tell them. Stay low contact, as there is clearly a lot of emotional baggage and they will only let you down.

Focus on you. Try to lose some weight and do some gentle exercise, until you are at a point where you feel there is a visible improvement in your appearance. Then, when you see them for some other reason, you will feel proud and confident in yourself.

AF is very easily treatable so no need for the hysterical description.

@Sinisterdexter It's been deleted. Let me guess, fat shaming?

So sorry, you came here for support and have been met with judgement.

As someone who gained weight rapidly (then lost it) purely due to starting taking (then stopping taking) steroids, I get really angry when overweight people are met with judgement and can't discuss other health conditions.

I hope there are groups or pages out there that are maybe less unpleasant about this than Mumsnet.

I would say there's no need to tell your family anything? I limit what information I share even with family if I don't think they will be supportive.

I have Parkinson's OP and as a result, I'm very overweight. I cannot exercise and due to accompanying Osteo-Arthritis, I'm on steroid injections. So the two combined, unfortunately leaves me at a size 22, regardless of what I eat.

Well, the vitriol and hatred I get not to mention the BLAME is honestly something else. A hairdresser told me I could 'overcome' it through diet!!!!! That organic, healthy whole foods could overcome my Parkinson's! An incurable neurological disease. And yes, she was def talking about the Parkinson's and not my weight. I got a massive monologue about how ANY health condition could be overcome through healthy food......🤬

It's eye opening isn't it, I think it just makes people feel better about themselves if they see weight gain as a moral failing.

When I stopped taking steroids everyone complimented me on my weight loss like it was some kind of personal accomplishment when in reality it was purely down to switching medication

And yes I have had people tell me that eating blueberries or doing yoga will "cure" me. Without ever stopping to think about what they know about my lifestyle. I bloody love blueberries (and all fruit) and love yoga so much I kept doing it until my neurologist told me to stop

Ps @SaltyDragon it may be worth looking to see if there are organisations like British heart Foundation or similar with helplines that may be able to discuss this all with you? I know it can feel lonely processing a new diagnosis

People are mean sometimes on here.

OP that sounds very frightening. Even if AF is treatable and not a huge cause for concern it's natural that you'd want to talk to people about the experience.

Best of luck for recovery and I hope your journey to weight loss is successful. It's probably the best thing you can do for your future health, so be proud that you're taking action, it's not easy.

Cardiac issues are extremely distressing to experience, and to have posters refer to drama and hysteria is so unempathetic. I’m very sorry you have had this experience.

Do what you can to work towards the surgery
Try to become a little more mobile An exercise bike maybe?
Try to walk a bit outside every day
Sending love

I agree. This is a really nasty thread in places and reflects really badly on Mumsnet.

Sorry you have had such a tough time with your health and with losing your Mum this year OP.

'Still wish I could talk to my siblings though. Since mum died earlier this year, I've hardly had any contact with them that I haven't started.'

If there is no rift between you but your siblings are not instigating calls and you would like them to, you might find it useful to consider how they find contact with you affects them.

Your health is bad just now and you are very worried -you need support and help- but are your conversations with them usually about sad/bad things? From their point of view, is it always like this?

Do you think that they usually leave a conversation with you feeling good ...or have you always just passed on your health worries (ones they can't help with)/distress?

Have they always had chance to share good and bad things in their lives... and have you been a solid support to them? Have you brought some light and interest to them?

Other people's health dramas are not always as interesting- even when you love and care for the person. Health dramas that seem to be self-inflicted (in the way obesity is often viewed) are very frustrating to hear about.

It might just be that you are all very different people and not likely to be good friends. In that case, perhaps you need friendship and support from outside the family.

where I was inundated with medical people, all within the space of 10 minutes or so. The staff were amazing.

Isn't modern medicine amazing? they can do so much to fix people nowadays, and to prevent their health conditions harming them. Aren't you lucky to live somewhere with such a responsive health care system, and ambulances that just turn up & so much scientific knowledge about your condition(s).

My dad got an Afib diagnosis a few years ago... they rushed him to hospital, terrifying him that he was going to die at any minute. He was under observation for almost a week and he almost died... of boredom. He had precisely no treatment. They discharged him since his AFib wasn't getting any worse.

After trying several other treatments for a few months they then did an ablation. My dad said "It won't work for me. My brother had one and it didn't work for him."

Sure enough, the single ablation worked & dad's Afib is gone now.

He wasn't half a hyperchondriac about it until then, though.

Try to think positively. Whatever is wrong, they can probably fix it or mitigate for it. You may be able to get fixed faster by taking other steps, too.

I don’t know why everyone is being so cunty to you on this thread OP. There seems to be an awful lot of bullying on mumsnet recently.

You have been through a very scary experience. I’ve experienced afib and the exact situation you described, when I was a student. It is terrifying to find your heart suddenly beating completely wrongly. Very traumatic. Afib might be common but it is serious and can kill - anyone who has t experienced something of this gravity doesn’t really understand.

In my case it was caused by a minor, easily fixed, underlying heart condition (which I’ve now had cured). Hopefully yours will also just be a one off or something that is easily fixed.

I hope you are taking time to process your feelings. I also hope that you manage to access effective help to improve your general health and weight.

THIS.

How did you know that your heart was racing & out of sync, OP? I'm just curious how it felt such that you knew something was wrong. Might help others to recognise if it happened to them.