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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give my baby the same name as my friend’s baby?

46 replies

CJ9475 · 13/09/2024 15:40

My good friend was due her baby 1 month before me. She knew she was having a boy and I do not know my baby’s gender.
She has just given birth and announced his name.
It’s the name we have chosen for our baby if it is a boy and the only one we both agree on. We were settled and both love it.
My friend did not mention this name before his birth (that I know of) but had mentioned another name to our mutual friend, and I thought that was the name she was going to use. I have not mentioned our choice to anyone. So nobody is at fault. It has really upset me though and I am not sure what to do.
Would I be unreasonable to still use this name if our baby is a boy?
Also when should I broach the subject with her (if at all)?

OP posts:
knittingdad · 13/09/2024 15:43

Use the name. Chances are there will be millions of people with that name whether you use it or not. No harm done if your child has it too.

I would tell your friend straight away - "That's a lovely name! It's the name we've chosen if our baby is a boy!"

beryldaperil · 13/09/2024 16:22

Use it, you might move away in due time, or your friend might, then problem solved.

You might not be friends forever. Circles of friends change approximately every 10 years.

At one of our old churches there was one year where 3 baby Joshuas were born!! In Sunday school during 2019 it was awash with Elijahs and Noahs. At our church now many have moved away and we only have 2 Noahs.

People move. Congratulations on your baby

toastofthetown · 13/09/2024 16:25

I’d still use the name. If you feel comfortable maybe pre-warn her (without asking permission) with a ‘great name, that’s what we were planning to call our baby if it’s a boy’ type comment.

How popular is the name? It still wouldn’t change what I chose for my baby, but I’d anticipate your friend might be more bothered if it’s something like Lysander (where she’d probably assume the chances of meeting another one is unlikely) vs Leo (which she’d probably anticipate meeting everywhere).

friendshipover24 · 13/09/2024 16:26

I was in a similar situation and decided to use the name anyway. If she gets annoyed about it then she is immature. Names are not exclusive.

Saltnpeppeh · 13/09/2024 17:10

I'd still use the name, when you see her just say you can't believe out of all the names you've chosen the same one! And it's the only one you like.

User79853257976 · 13/09/2024 17:22

It would be a bit weird if you are close friends.

toomuchfaff · 13/09/2024 17:50

Use the name

No one owns a name, you could not be in touch with her by this time next year, but your child is your child and you'll always wish you used the name you chose, imagine said child being 40 and not having the name you chose because you didn't want to use a name because so and so used it, moved away 3 months later, never saw her again...

Use the name.

FrogFreg · 13/09/2024 17:55

I know some people can be quite protective over names, even ones that aren’t super uncommon, but it wouldn’t phase me in the slightest. It I’m honest, I’d be thrilled someone else loves the name as much as me!

Edenmum2 · 13/09/2024 17:57

Well if you don't mind them both having it hopefully your friend will feel the same.

Is it an unusual name?

Dweetfidilove · 13/09/2024 17:58

Most names are so common, no-one owns them. Use the name.

Tagyoureit · 13/09/2024 17:59

How close are you?

See each other every day - it's weird.
See each other once in a blue moon - crack on.

Sneezeguard · 13/09/2024 18:00

I suppose it depends on whether it will bother you if there's another child of the same age with the same name with whom you will have ongoing close, regular contact?

Personally, I wouldn't, but then I can't imagine being that wedded to only one name, of all the names in the world.

Zanatdy · 13/09/2024 18:01

I probably wouldn’t use the name if it was a close friend. But the time to say you’ve chosen that name is when you say congrats, just say oh that’s the boys name we have agreed on, great taste

GigiAnnna · 13/09/2024 18:03

I'd pick something else. There must be something else that you like.

PreggersWithBaby2 · 13/09/2024 18:07

I recently made a similar-ish thread about this on the Baby Names section, and majority of people agreed that friends could use the same name! Use it! You'll regret not using it. If you are worried, run it past her before you announce it.

MotherOfABoobAddict · 13/09/2024 18:08

knittingdad · 13/09/2024 15:43

Use the name. Chances are there will be millions of people with that name whether you use it or not. No harm done if your child has it too.

I would tell your friend straight away - "That's a lovely name! It's the name we've chosen if our baby is a boy!"

This.

BotterMon · 13/09/2024 18:09

Just say to her that you had chosen that name if you are to have a boy and that you thought she was using other name. Nobody owns a name as others have said.

PreggersWithBaby2 · 13/09/2024 18:10

I recently made a similar-ish thread about this on the Baby Names section, and majority of people agreed that friends could use the same name! Use it! You'll regret not using it. If you are worried, run it past her before you announce it.

Daisylookslost · 13/09/2024 18:32

I would go back to the drawing board. I have a common name and didn’t want the same for my child. If my friend was using it, it would be a no from me! I would think it through and make a new pick. Could you name him something similar but not as common perhaps

babyproblems · 13/09/2024 18:33

I know everyone will say use it but I’ll be honest and say if I was your friend I’d be annoyed with you! For a while.

PreggersWithBaby2 · 13/09/2024 18:34

babyproblems · 13/09/2024 18:33

I know everyone will say use it but I’ll be honest and say if I was your friend I’d be annoyed with you! For a while.

Why?

Magnastorm · 13/09/2024 18:34

Just use it, but I'd have a chat to your friend about it, just in a lighthearted way.

If you just come out and announce it, with the best will in the world, your friend is going to assume you've just copied the name and think it's a bit weird.

Nodancingshoes · 13/09/2024 18:34

Same thing happened to me. We chose another name which, in hindsight, I prefer! I just think it would have been too weird otherwise.

Enough4me · 13/09/2024 18:41

I had a friend who was due a month before me who said, "if mine is a boy it's Axxxxx and don't use it if you have a boy as I don't want two in our friendship group".

She ended up with a second DD and I'd wanted completely different name for my DS (I knew I was having a boy). I found it funny that she was so possessive. No one owns a name & friends split up, after that incident and similar I moved on!

MouseofCommons · 13/09/2024 18:43

Don't use the name. No one wants a common name (bitter lifetime experience).