To give my baby the same name as my friend’s baby?

[CJ9475]

My good friend was due her baby 1 month before me. She knew she was having a boy and I do not know my baby’s gender.
She has just given birth and announced his name.
It’s the name we have chosen for our baby if it is a boy and the only one we both agree on. We were settled and both love it.
My friend did not mention this name before his birth (that I know of) but had mentioned another name to our mutual friend, and I thought that was the name she was going to use. I have not mentioned our choice to anyone. So nobody is at fault. It has really upset me though and I am not sure what to do.
Would I be unreasonable to still use this name if our baby is a boy?
Also when should I broach the subject with her (if at all)?

Hi Op

Choose the name you love. Friends come and go. I'm 54 and I've met best friends, moral enemies and everyone in between You will only have one son, or more if you are lucky . Pick your favourite name for your son and screw everyone else.

*mortal

I wouldn’t use the same name, I think it’s a bit weird when there’s so many names out there! I know plenty of people would be fine with it (as seen with previous posts) but I’d be annoyed if I was your friend - I know it’s not rational lol.

I wouldn’t use it. Even if you explain and she’s is the nicest woman in the world, she is going to find it odd

Depends a little bit what the name is. If it's Ted or Arlo, it's fine because around here every other boy is called Ted or Arlo. If it's Alan or Gary, then it's super weird.

Even though i would be disappointed i would find another name , it wouldn't feel the same to me in these circumstances.

call our kid what you and his dad like!

Sometimes there just isn't. Not one that both of you agree on.

There's no way I'd call my baby something I or my husband wasn't happy with just in case someone was petty enough to think they own a name.

My SIL announced that if she had a boy they would call him James. I was gutted as that was the name I wanted and I was pregnant at the time . I had to choose another name . Ironically she ended up having two DDs

I would use it - but I would tell her first (ie before your baby is born) so she’s not blindsided.

Two of my really good friends have DSs the same name, a couple of years apart. We see each other all the time, though they are not at the same school. They just say “my Bob” and “your Bob” when talking about them.

Use the name.

What is more important, your baby's name throughout its life, childhood, adulthood and old age, or who you happen to be friends with right now and what her child is called?
Even if you remain friends with this person for life, it doesn't matter.

You both like the same name for a reason, there are probably thousands of people who like that name and are choosing it for their children all the time.

If you feel self conscious about it when announcing the birth or your friend asks, you can always just tell her the truth and say that you had chosen this from when you were 6 months pregnant.

I think we need to know the name....

I know two mums who had babies at the same time and both gave them the same name. One had chosen before, the other decided just after the birth. Both mums just think it's cute!

I’d pick a different name.

Use the name!

My friend and I were due on the same day and she was so concerned we might pick the same name. I had this name picked out from when I was five years old, she’d only thought about names once pregnant. I already knew that if we went for the same thing, I’d just message her to say it was a great name and her baby would be Alex 1 and mine would be Alex 2.

I know no one owns a name but I’d find it really strange if my friend used the same name as me within a month, I wouldn’t use it if it was my friend

It's the name you've chosen for your child. What can you do but use it. If she takes offence, all you can do is explain the situation to her🤷🏻‍♀️

Wait.

Was your SIL pregnant at the time or just telling you that you couldn't chose the name James?

Did you have a boy?

I mean I wouldn't use the same name as a good friend's month old baby but I wouldn't avoid a name for a hypothetical (or unborn) child.

It's madness you avoided a name you love, just incase your SIL had a boy sometime in the future.

When my ds was born, the name I loved happened to be the name of my boss as well. That was an awkward introduction I tell you! I massively overthought it and almost made it the middle name then thought 'sod it - I love the name, I'm not 'copying' him and I probably won't know him forever'. I still love the name and only knew my boss for a couple more months as he made me redundant. He didn't cite my choice as a reason but I have no regrets regardless. No one owns a name but if you stay friends you might have to think up a nickname.

@Crunchymum I was the one who was pregnant and the topic of names came up. She said if she had a boy she would call it that. Once she said that I felt I could not use it. She was the type that would have had a massive strop . It would have taken away from my happiness at having my first baby that turned out to be a boy . She went on to have her second daughter and no more DCs.

It's slightly odd if it's an unusual name, but if it's relatively common definitely use it - both babies will come across many other people with their name! Even if you're best friends and the children will always be in each other's life it's not a problem. I have a fairly common name and at any one time in life I've had a few friends/colleagues with the same name or nickname, but my aunt and uncle had wanted the same name for a DD and used their second choice name for my cousin (who I get on with, but we have never lived in the same city and our families didn't meet up while we were children - there would have been no issue having the same name)