Married but secretly asexual

[coconutsplash]

I love my dh very much, our lives and our 3 children and that we get on so well, the only problem is I've never enjoyed sex.
I see it as a chore and hope it doesn't last too long, I have never told dh how I feel but I've always felt as though I'm missing something even with any ex and never found anyone sexually appealing or wanted to have sex with anyone.

I know it's something you do in a marriage and so I do for dh and because I value my marriage but it is just something I want to get over and done with.
I just don't get fancying people, I don't feel attracted to anyone so I'd never understand cheating.
I know he's happy and I'm happy in every other aspect of my marriage so to me it's just something I do to make it work.
I'd hate to be all alone and single forever just because I don't have the need for sex and I am a family woman and love being a wife and mother.

Wtf? No wonder you don't like it. How's your body supposed to get itself ready for sex with zero warning?

Nah, he's just selfish in bed.

Thats the problem OP 😥

Isn't that painful?

What a load of shite

Sounds like he’s quite selfish in bed, how on earth are you supposed to enjoy it if he just ploughs straight in?!

I can orgasm during PIV but it’s all to do with position,
so the clitoris is stimulated and it’s never as good as direct stimulation.

but often I don’t. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy PIV sex. I like the closeness of it. It also feels good, if not always orgasmic.

Id suggest your partner isn’t doing a lot. I’d think it was crap if he went straight in with no foreplay

If you're asexual then that must be awful having sex with him 3 times a week. I'm asexual and there's no way I could do that. You need to speak to him about this.

Well this explains everything. No wonder you arent enjoying it. This is awful.

You need to talk to him, he clearly knows nothing whatsoever about the female body

So, you'd be perfectly happy/satisfied with this then would you?:

No he's not one for foreplay, he just goes straight in

Exactly what I thought!

Bloody hell. No wonder you don't enjoy it.
Does he use lubrication?

You can't just shove a cock into a dry vaginal orifice.

Good god op! This is shit sex (for you, some women can orgasm from bang, bang, bang but not anything like all, and even then likely want more than it just getting shoved straight in).

I don't orgasm from PIV and my partner is very, very happy with a blowjob, so we generally only have what nutters call "full sex" once a week or so, and the rest of the time is what we are happy to call "full sex" but generally is known as foreplay to most people - hands, mouth, toys and both have orgasms and are both satisfied.

When we do have PIV, I use a bullet vibrator or my partner uses his fingers on my clit so that I orgasm too - I like it, but it's not the be all and end all. Luckily we're perfectly compatible in what we enjoy.

It might be worth suggesting that you use a toy to spice things up a bit and see how it goes. Bear in mind though, he's presumably thought everything was fine up until now if you haven't said anything so you might want to think how you explain that.

Yeah no wonder you don’t like it. His just using you as a place to dump his sperm basically. Might as well be a blow up doll.

I love sex but if that was all I was getting off dh I’d certainly not see the point in it.

Make a new rule he can’t stick it in till you’ve orgasmed.

This is a big problem.

Most people have sexual things they like and sexual things that don’t do much for them. The problem is he’s getting everything he wants and you are getting nothing. I suggest sex therapy if you want to stay in the relationship - what is happening at the moment is living a lie.

Lots of women don’t get much out of PIV - that’s why in a healthy relationship a good partner will ensure that the women has pleasure in other ways. It also helps for PIV not to be the definition of sex. There are so many other fun things you can do.

I think quite a lot of people misunderstand what being asexual means. You expressed it twice quite clearly in your OP.

I've always felt as though I'm missing something even with any ex and never found anyone sexually appealing or wanted to have sex with anyone.

I just don't get fancying people, I don't feel attracted to anyone so I'd never understand cheating.

There is a difference between having a libido and finding people sexually attractive. For most people the two go hand in hand so it can be hard to understand that some people don't experience sexual attraction and/or have any interest in sex.

I wonder how long you will be able to endure the compromise of your current situation? You could communicate your dissatisfaction but then you might find yourself having to pretend you like the *new improved" sex. If you really are asexual then I don't think it matters what he does, it will still be a chore for you.

Only you can decide how unhappy the current situation is making either of you, maybe you could speak to a sex therapist to sort things out in your own mind before you make any decisions. I'm not sure it's fair to either of you that your entire sex life is duty sex just because you don't want to be single.

Talk to your husband, sex doesn’t have to involve penetration.

OP, you poor thing. Just puts it in and has a good time. Does he ever ask about what you want?

Is there any passionate kissing between you at all?

This sounds kinds very grim and not sustainable. You need to start talking to him.

OhmygodDont
Does he not do foreplay? The idea there would be for you to get yours first so to speak or play during.

No he's not one for foreplay, he just goes straight i

Oh dear god! I LOVE sex can have it many times a day but this? This is horrendous!

I don't expect many, if any women, enjoy sex like that!!!

I mean without spilling TMI are you even ready and lubricated if he goes straight in?

I love PIV but I would not love 'no foreplay straight in'!!!
There is a lot about female arousal missing from your sex life that would account for the 'chore' feeling and lack of fireworks. 😢

Omg, how selfish! He doesn’t deserve any sex at all tbh. What an inconsiderate arsehole 😒

Men are like microwaves, women are like ovens - we need warming up first!

You need to tell him this, tell him to slow down, it's no wonder you're not enjoying it

😳 what

First, check your hormones, get a health check. No libido can be a sign of something wrong.

If you find it boring, maybe look at some toys that you can use during sex so you orgasm too. Change positions until you enjoy it.

It sounds like your husband might not be making it interesting maybe? If it’s straight missionary every time and only he gets off, it’s going to feel boring.

You have to instruct men until they learn. Most of them have no clue.

No wonder you don't enjoy sex!!