To be angry I let them drop extracurricular activities

[fuschiasforever]

Like drama lessons/ music - it became a battle to get them to go / do practice.

Was I a weak parent? Have I failed them as now they don't have that life skill.

How old are they? And how quickly did they drop it? Mine, now teens, have started and stopped loads of things over the years but are now happy with one thing each a week. No musical instruments...it's just not their thing. There's no age limit on taking up most hobbies other than maybe gymnastics or ballet dancing. I didn't let them drop out if I'd just paid for kit or fees but they could stop at the end of that term. I'm a sp and was struggling to be in two places at once or have one waiting about. It is hard and if the rest of your life is busy and they wanted to stop, it's fine.

Not at all. There will be the next activity they’ll be interested in. My DC stopped activities for about a year and took up new ones. They just chop and change as they get older. That’s my experience anyway. At 16 and 14, they both do 2 each and are fully committed. This makes me a taxi driver every evening.

Why have you started 2 threads?

Music and drama aren't important life skills. Nice for those that enjoy them but otherwise not needed.

Don't be ridiculous, why would drama or music be a life skill.
Extra curricula activities are almost always pointless and just a way for parents to brag and show off, unless it's something specific that dc want to do it can cause more harm than good in the long run

How old are they? A lot of kids give up activities around age 13/14. I do think it's a bit of a shame and I'd encourage them to keep going, but you can't force them if they really don't want to.

You're being very melodramatic. Drama and music are not important life skills and if your children didn't enjoy taking part in these activities then why would you force them to continue to do them.

Kids who are being dragged to activities they aren't interested in aren't going to engage and get anything out of them.

I wish 2 of mine who used to play violin had kept it up but I encouraged as far as I could until it became apparent they just weren't engaging with it. It's not fair on their music teacher at that point apart from anything else.

They spend all day in school doing stuff they have no choice over, then they get homework they have no choice over. I let dd choose and drop activities in her free time. It's important to do things you enjoy, not just because you're told to.

Life skills? I'm not sure that anyone ever dealt with a crisis by playing 3 blind mice on a recorder

Dunno — I tell my DC these are important skills, because a professional career is difficult to come by and depends on a lot of external factors as well as years of preparatory hard work, whereas being good at busking or street entertaining can help you survive in much of the world and if you need an income. You still have to do a lot of preparatory hard work, though, so no point if you dislike it.

Essential skills, I'd say food growing and shelter-building; also good people-skills (which music and drama can aid if they don't come naturally!).

I’d never force my kids to keep doing something they didn’t want to. I remember being forced to go to brownies for ages as my parents bought the uniform. I absolutely hated going

I think activities outside of school are a good thing, a different group of friends, learning something different from school.

But it has to be their thing. However it can take a little while to find their feet in the activity.

DS wanted to go to Army cadets at age 13. Knowing him well, I insisted that he had to commit to 6 months. He wanted to drop it after a couple of weeks (laziness). I reminded him of the commitment. He ended up staying until he aged out at 18.

They didn’t want to go. I loved dance and drama when I was a kid. I did everything myself- found out about classes, rang up places and put myself on waiting lists, would make my own way to places and pay out of my pocket money/ birthday money. I didn’t need any encouragement and nothing would have stopped my going. These areas are full of completely committed, self motivated lovers of the arts- if you couldn’t even get them to go when you were coordinating and paying for it, that’s not them.

Hobbies aren't life skills... unless they have you know a life skill!!

They are just nice to do and are a privilege

It's natural, children's interests change as they grow. My DD did dance which came to an end when she was about 14 and Covid hit, DS did drama and he gave up when he was almost 16.

The difference was though that they chose those activities because they enjoyed them, and for me it was always about building confidence and making friends away from school rather than having a "skill". None of them are musical, their lack of grade 999 in cello hasn't held them back in getting into uni or part time jobs.

I'm sorry but with the overly dramatic 2 threads it sounds as though you maybe did too many after school drama classes yourself!! 😂 Just calm down, it's all about balance and your children actually being happy, not just schooled in multiple topics at the cost of leisure time and time to be bored and thus creative of their own accord.

If they didn't want to go and didn't want to practice, that's on them not you. I have one child who is incredibly committed to their hobby and is there 3 days a week and would go every day if id take them. The other doesn't have that passion and I stopped when they didn't want to go (though they did later restart.) Its definitely worth the time and cost if they love it and put the work in, but not if they aren't even interested. There's quite a few at my DCs lessons who are only there because the parent thinks it's good for them but you can tell they don't want to be there and they are wasting their own and the teachers time.

Depends really. I agree they’re nice to do and a privilege. They definitely teach life skills though, even things like sport teaches you a lot about different people and backgrounds, working together etc.

I'd say it's significantly easier to get some normal temp work than to make a living by busking!!

(Forgot to quote but this was responding to Floralspecscase)

Music absolutely does get us through crises.

Yes, society needs musicians and artists etc...

But that doesn't mean that everybody has to learn to play an instrument. It doesn't make it essential life skill.

(I play several instruments, but acknowledge it isn't everyone's cup of tea, and that's fine).

This gave me a laugh. Thanks

Just spotted the life skill bit.

Can they swim? That was my only non-negotiable because it really is a life skill.

Everything else is choice. Let them try what they ask to do, but don't force anything.

No point battling with them. My daughter gave up violin after playing from 6 until 16. It just didn’t fit in with college life at all and it was a big expense as she wasn’t enjoying it anymore. I thought she might play for fun but she hasn’t touched the violin for 2 years. My son was the same with boxing. He never had fights or anything just training but he was good. It’s upsetting but you can’t force something. Mine are 17 and 18 now and don’t do anything !