I hate the radio being on

[Onlyhereforthecrack]

My husband is at home all the time due to work from home, and he has the radio on all day. He watches breakfast tv in the morning (I cannot stand light entertainment) and then has the radio on all day. It’s radio 6, which I detest. All soft rock and ding ding dang dang and it stresses me out. I’ve never been a music fan as is probably clear. I’d be fine if it were talking or even radio 2, I just hate radio 6.

if I listen or watch I instinctively do so privately, I have an iPad and a phone and loads of headphones. I rarely watch the big TV if he’s home. He’s not a monster, he’ll happily leave me to it and go to another room, I just don’t think it’s that great for a relationship to both be always staring at different boxes in different rooms.

if he turns it off it’s like I’ve peed on his chips. He makes me feel like such a killjoy and that he’s being controlled. I think I have a sensory thing where too many sources of noise (we have two teens) sends me a bit wonky.

Hes able to do what he wants all day pretty much, is it awful that I don’t want it on for 12 hours a day? Should I say - you’ve had that for three hours, now let’s put on heart! (I know it’s sad, but I’d prefer that or motown).

Am I massive killjoy?

@AgileGreenSeal Agreed re: people not understanding the Misophonia feeling - it's like a severe sharp pain meets pure rage and to those who don't have Misophonia, I promise I'm not exaggerating!

Couldn’t agree more with this. You’re subjected to a stressful situation you hate all day long, op, but any compromise whatsoever has him huffing and puffing and you feeling guilty.

You need to realise that give and take is reasonable, op. Once you’ve been assertive a few times, it will get easier.

I’m surprised so many posters have focused on the music itself and not the complete refusal on this bloke’s part to put himself out at all - and op’s passivity.

You are NOT being unreasonable, op. Your needs and preferences should not be trampled all over so he gets precisely what he wants.

I don’t like constant background noise either, and more than one source at the same time would really stress me out.

For me, it’s talk radio like radio 4 that really stresses me out though, can’t cope with it at all.

Headphones for him to listen to his choice (and you to listen to yours when you want) seem the obvious answer.

Theres no “I should be able to” when the thing you wants affects others so badly.

The opposite to what’s happening now isn’t a “fair” solution. They need to just meet in the middle.

DH is the same and I find it grating. He has to have the radio on when WFH. Luckily his office is now in the garage so he can listen as much and as loud as he wants! I have tranquil silence in the house but he has a habit of putting the radio on in the house too and leaving it on when he returns to his desk!! He also likes TV on a lot, Radio 2 always in the car and an alarm clock radio in the mornings. It's just too much noise for me but we reach a compromise through me turning it off after a while!

Maybe it will become more usual for people to wear headphones in their own homes as more homes are also workspaces. For me it's odd behaviour to do so. PPs talking about a home being a "shared space" is also an odd way of thinking, to me - it implies that there are separate entities within it, rather than one family.

I wonder if any of this would matter very much if you both weren't spending quite as much time at home. It sounds like you both have different expectations of what a home should be when a home is also a workspace and that you need to communicate with each other about this.

YANBU

In my view the default is silence other than natural noises. If you have to make noise for normal life purposes then fine of course. If you choose to make noise then it’s your duty to make sure it’s not annoying others.

He needs to wear headphones.

If he worked in an office or other communal working space would he expect to have the radio on all the time? Even if others found it annoying?

We all use AirPods here, unless in the house alone. It's just good manners, not to foist your taste in listening on everyone else!

Uh oh! That doesn’t sound good op! There’s your problem.

See that to me sounds weird, everyone wandering around in their own little bubble.

This! I would have thought quite obviously

That sounds exactly like my exh. Constraint on what he chooses to do is just unbearable for him.

See also another favourite MN topic - eating food that specifically belongs to someone else.

Me and dp are old ravers. We go to a few a year, and are both massive dance music fans. However - I only like it when I'm out. I wfh, and when he has the odd day off at home when I'm working, I have to keep the door to my office closed because he cannot bear silence, and has music blaring out of the telly in the living room at all times. It drives me in-fucking-sane. I really feel for you. The constant doof-doof gets right under my skin and makes me want to kill him.

He is being unreasonable because you can both be accommodated. He just needs to stop being a selfish arse and use headphones or earbuds. It's not like there is no solution and only one if you can "win", it's easily solvable but he needs to stop being a twat

I agree it’s not ideal, but a shared experience that only suits one person is worse.

I like reading in the evenings and my partner has the TV on from the moment he gets in until bed. The two things just aren’t compatible, so I read with headphones on. I’d love it if we were both readers and could enjoy reading in companionable peace and then discuss it, but it’s never going to happen!

Try living with someone that has a massive, expensive audio equipment collection and huge floor standing speakers, that also doesn't enjoy silence at any time of the day. He then leaves the house with it still playing in the background, usually Joe sodding bonamassa, Old man blues or Willie Nelson. Annoys the shit out of me, but i don't work from home so can leave the house if i need to which is a blessed relief.

6music or radio 4 is on in our house from 6am until 7pm. But DH and I are both big radio fans. I wouldn’t inflict 13 hours of radio on someone who isn’t keen!

I also get deflated husband syndrome when I try and turn it down or off. Your description of car torture resonates also with me. Too much going on in my head already. I don't need anything externally to compete!

Over the years we've compromised. He's more aware of how much it impacts me and how much it can feel like torture and he pulls back on it. It does make him sad though and I do feel like a kill joy. I suspect he wishes I were a slightly different person who thrived and grew on music and all of its many discussion (🙄) points.

“Theres no “I should be able to” when the thing you wants affects others so badly.”

Really sad that this manchild hasn’t worked this out long ago. He’s behaving like a selfish teenager.

If you work a normal office job, as you say, then why is it a problem what he listens to several hours a day? He should compromise when other people are home of course but I assume he is on his own for most of it?