Emailed the headteacher aibu?

[Zaynab2945]

So my daughter who just turned 9 last week and just gone into year 4 last week has been having problems with another girl since year 3. My daughter is very mature for her age and she just ignores this child and asks her to leave her alone or tells the teacher as this girl keeps coming up to my daughter in class or on the playground for no reason and says awful stuff to her. Last year I have been to speak to the teachers myself after the girl was randomly coming up to my daughter telling her " your baby sister is ugly " and other awful things about my daughters skin colour and body hair on her arms etc ( my daughter is half pakistani). My daughter told teachers countless times last year what was going on and was told it will be sorted, I went in myself after my daughter came home crying. She absolutely loves school and is clever so it's upsetting hearing her say she doesn't want to go in anymore. Year 4 has only just started and my daughter has already been to her new teacher twice this week because this girl will just not leave her alone, she tries ignoring her, telling her to leave her alone and she just keeps coming up to her in class or on the playground. Her new teacher told my daughter once again it will be dealt with, but today when I picked my daughter up after school as soon as we got out the school gates she started crying hysterically. I couldn't make out what she was saying at first because she was so upset. But this girl has come up to her today in the library whilst my daughter was talking to another child, came up to her and out of no where said to her " one night I'm going to come to your house and kill your baby sister whilst you are sleeping" . And walked away. My daughter was hysterical and scared something was going to happen to her baby sister ( she's 10 months old!!) I'm not sure why or for what reason this girl keeps using my 10 month old as a reason to hurt my older daughters feelings. I was so angry and upset and my daughter was so hysterical and I kept reassuring her her baby sister is fine and nothing will happen, that I emailed the head teacher and explained everything, that I had been in before about this girl and that my daughter keeps complaining to her teachers about this child and today comes home hysterical because this girl has threatened to kill her baby sister. I just think this is disturbing for an 8 year old girl to be saying this to another child and makes you think what is going on at home. In my email to the teacher I also mentioned I was concerned about this child because a child should not be talking like this ( or anyone for this matter) I know kids will be kids but surely this is completely out of order and not normal?

It's affecting my daughters mental health quite badly now and it took a while for me to calm her down and reasure her that her nothing will happen to her sister after this was said to her and she is now saying she doesn't want to attend school anymore. The headteacher emailed me back quite quickly saying he is not having this and it will be sorted tomorrow. I just don't know what to do as this has not seemed to be sorted in the past and I feel like this has got to stop now and this is concerning behaviour from the other child, I don't think anyone should be going around saying they are going to kill someone let alone an 8 year old.

I'm an over thinker and now I'm thinking did I over react and email the headteacher and should have took it to her teachers first? Aibu? I'm just so fed up and feeling this has got out of hand now.

Am I the only one who thinks it is extremely concerning another child is saying stuff like this ?

You didn’t overreact at all, you did the right thing.

A child saying something so violent is a safeguarding concern (even if most likely meaningless). All of the other behavior without threat would still be enough to escalate to the head if it wasn’t being dealt with.

If you don't get a response that you are happy with by the end of the day tomorrow, escalate it to the Chair of Governors. Make sure you use the words safeguarding issue, child protection and duty of care in that email if they weren't in the one you've already sent (which I hope they were). Best wishes, these things are awful

you did not over react. It's a safe guarding concern. I hope your daughter is okay. Definitely keep on at the head and don't be threatened to not escalate it higher if needed.

No, you didn't overreact. You'd have been underreacting if you didn't go in

I email our headteacher over far less!

I agree with the PP who says to contact the chair of governors if the head can’t sort things.

You've done exactly the right thing. This isn't normal behaviour from an 8yo.

Had a similar issue with our DD. We got her to write everything down in a little book.
Didn't matter about spelling or grammar, it was all stream of consciousness.
Sent screen shots of the diary to the Head in an email.
Sorted the next day. Phone call detailing what support was put in place and that the bully had been spoken to and parents told to attend urgent meeting the same day.
Granted our DD had written that she wanted to die because the bullying was so bad so that might have been why the urgent meeting with the parents.
I fucking hate bullies .

Another one here to say you did NOT over-react at all. This needs to be dealt with.

You did not overreact, and you are quite right to point out that this is not just about protecting your daughter, they should be concerned about the other child saying these thing. I agree, chair of governors if you’re not entirely happy with the answer.

And if you think there’s a racist element make sure to mention that too. The school should at least treat that seriously.

So they can't talk specifically about a child's ongoing issues. BUT they can feed back about incidents involving your child. So ask tomorrow whether it has been investigated. Dont go in with demands other than an instance that it be looked into properly.

I email our headteacher over far less!
Yes, me too! Hopefully he will get it sorted for you, but don't be afraid to email again.

Your child has to enjoy school and what you have described is unacceptable. You did the right thing. Keep the communication open with the head and as others have said if you're not happy then meet them in person and escalate to governors.

Hope it all gets sorted soon

Absolutely disgusting. The nasty little bully needs putting in her place once and for all. Your poor daughter.

No you reacted fine, I would have overreacted and marched round to reception and demanded to see the headteacher, so you did better than I would have!

If you don’t hear back email them again and make sure you use certain words “you want to make a formal complaint” “your daughters mental health is being affected due to potential neglect from the school”

You are expecting a response to your email by x date and you would like an action plan in place by X date.

I think if it were me, I would say that one more comment and I would be going to the police as this girl clearly has significant issues and the school has not been taking them seriously. They have a duty of care to your child’s physical and mental wellbeing too.

You've not overreacted at all!

I used t9mlisten to little ones in school when one girl started talking about beheading people and other scary things. I was concerned they'd been allowed to watch inappropriate TV. I told the teacher and it turned out they had had a history lesson! But the teacher was fine and I was glad I had checked.

We all need to care for each other and there might be something going on for this child. Your dd is clearly your priority but you are helping both.

If i had kids id never send them to school they would be feral but not trapped in school.

I would also ask whether the previous incidents have been recorded. Whilst not a legal requirement AFAIK, I think it is standard practice to log incidents of racism and bullying. When I was a school governor, we had data on these (and some other categories) twice a term. All of the racist incidents I ever heard of (from parents, not as a governor) resulted in a suspension.

That is dreadful! Well done for doing something about it. I’d absolutely reference the racism as well.

You did the right thing. This girl is seriously disturbed Your poor daughter. I really hope she will be ok and you get this sorted 💐

I have had this with my daughter who is also half Pakistani. The teachers spoke to the kids but the next day my daughter returned to school after refusing to go for weeks and 2 of them continued physically hurting her. I emailed the head teacher that night and the next day I approached her and she said i got the email and will be dealing with it today. One girl kept going so I contacted her mum...... who was mortified! Not happened again since. Make sure you have paper trails or contact with the school. Worse case scenario grab the parent outside the school if they dismiss you make a scene. I told the head teacher if they kept going I was going to kick their parents heads in (not my finest moment) but that's how angry I was. I hope your daughter's okay. Mines had really bad anxiety after xxx

I’m a teacher and you have absolutely done the right thing! Your poor daughter shouldn’t have to put up with that and yes it’s also concerning for the other child, they need help too.

Hope the head gets back to you quickly

I'd have hit the roof long before you did tbh, it's ridiculous that schools just don't deal with this type of behaviour while your child is left miserable in school.

I think this child needs a mental health review. Her parents are certainly going to be called into school about this. I think there could be a racial element to it from what you've said and that will have come from her home. I think they'll be questions asked about the times you've raised it before and it hasn't been nipped in the bud. Were her parents informed previously? I would be thinking about contacting the local police about this latest threat as its such concerning behaviour. If they were adults your daughter could get a restraining order. Throw the book at it this time. Police, social services, school - everything in writing, full belts and braces approach.
That child is a danger.