Emailed the headteacher aibu?

[Zaynab2945]

So my daughter who just turned 9 last week and just gone into year 4 last week has been having problems with another girl since year 3. My daughter is very mature for her age and she just ignores this child and asks her to leave her alone or tells the teacher as this girl keeps coming up to my daughter in class or on the playground for no reason and says awful stuff to her. Last year I have been to speak to the teachers myself after the girl was randomly coming up to my daughter telling her " your baby sister is ugly " and other awful things about my daughters skin colour and body hair on her arms etc ( my daughter is half pakistani). My daughter told teachers countless times last year what was going on and was told it will be sorted, I went in myself after my daughter came home crying. She absolutely loves school and is clever so it's upsetting hearing her say she doesn't want to go in anymore. Year 4 has only just started and my daughter has already been to her new teacher twice this week because this girl will just not leave her alone, she tries ignoring her, telling her to leave her alone and she just keeps coming up to her in class or on the playground. Her new teacher told my daughter once again it will be dealt with, but today when I picked my daughter up after school as soon as we got out the school gates she started crying hysterically. I couldn't make out what she was saying at first because she was so upset. But this girl has come up to her today in the library whilst my daughter was talking to another child, came up to her and out of no where said to her " one night I'm going to come to your house and kill your baby sister whilst you are sleeping" . And walked away. My daughter was hysterical and scared something was going to happen to her baby sister ( she's 10 months old!!) I'm not sure why or for what reason this girl keeps using my 10 month old as a reason to hurt my older daughters feelings. I was so angry and upset and my daughter was so hysterical and I kept reassuring her her baby sister is fine and nothing will happen, that I emailed the head teacher and explained everything, that I had been in before about this girl and that my daughter keeps complaining to her teachers about this child and today comes home hysterical because this girl has threatened to kill her baby sister. I just think this is disturbing for an 8 year old girl to be saying this to another child and makes you think what is going on at home. In my email to the teacher I also mentioned I was concerned about this child because a child should not be talking like this ( or anyone for this matter) I know kids will be kids but surely this is completely out of order and not normal?

It's affecting my daughters mental health quite badly now and it took a while for me to calm her down and reasure her that her nothing will happen to her sister after this was said to her and she is now saying she doesn't want to attend school anymore. The headteacher emailed me back quite quickly saying he is not having this and it will be sorted tomorrow. I just don't know what to do as this has not seemed to be sorted in the past and I feel like this has got to stop now and this is concerning behaviour from the other child, I don't think anyone should be going around saying they are going to kill someone let alone an 8 year old.

I'm an over thinker and now I'm thinking did I over react and email the headteacher and should have took it to her teachers first? Aibu? I'm just so fed up and feeling this has got out of hand now.

Am I the only one who thinks it is extremely concerning another child is saying stuff like this ?

Sorry your poor DD is dealing with this, there really are some horrible kids out there.

You didn't over react at all, kick off and don't stop until this child is dealt with properly and don't feel bad about it. Your daughter deserves to enjoy her time in school and feel safe.

I don’t think you overreacted. Simply mentioning things to the teacher so they can deal with it is a good way to do things at first but when it hasn’t worked - as here - you need to start making sure there is a paper trail and oversight.

I think you need to arm yourself with the school’s bullying and racism policies and start insisting the school follows them. Report every incident via email, no matter how minor. If they don’t follow those policies, find the complaints policy and follow that. Keep escalating until you get a reasonable result.

Mixed race. Grew up in a white area. Was bullied by a few girls who were so cruel at school about my brown skin and my curls . Aged 35 I cry for that child I was. I still feel ashamed of myself .
By the time I was 8 I hated myself. It has impacted me hugely.

‘it will be sorted ‘ or ‘ Lucy is very sorry for what she said !’ I just accepted I would be bullied. I have absolutely no self confidence even though on paper I’ve achieved well ! I will always look back in terror ar primary school.

You have done the right thing. I’m so sorry this is happening to your child. This is not acceptable and if this isn’t dealt with I’d be removing my child.
Rascism/ sexism / homophia is not acceptable . I’d make it clear to the school they will
lose your daughter if they don’t sort this.

To be honest you should have escalated it much sooner. It sounds as though your child was bullied all last year and nothing was done despite you speaking to her teacher. I would be speaking to class teacher every time my child was upset and if it continued after 2 or 3 complaints I would involve the head and then the governors. Your child needs you to advocate for her. Don't leave it to her to tell the teacher as they clearly aren't dealing with it. Probably the other child has issues but that doesn't mean your child should suffer

You haven’t over reacted at all. Your poor daughter. I would be all guns blazing and on top of the recommendations others have made I would mention that you’re considering escalating the threats to kill your 8 month old to the police. I hope this is resolved for you both soon

You definitely did not overreact I would have made a formal complaint. Youve spoken to them enough times

You didn’t overreact at all. I think you need to log every incident, every interaction with the school and keep it all recorded. Also ask for their bullying policy. If this isn’t sorted you have given them lots of chances and you need a meeting and then governors if needed

I am a school governor.

The school have repeatedly failed to safeguard your daughter. Honestly I would be reporting the latest threat to the police, she may only be 8 but the boys who killed Jamie Bulger were similar ages.

I would also find the schools complaints policy, ofsted requires that it has to be on their website, go through it and file a formal complaint. Ensure you mirror the terminology used in the policy, but use key phrases like failure to safeguard etc.

Feel free to DM me if you want any additional info or support in doing the complaint.

No, the chair will just pass it back to the head.

Report it to the NSPCC as a safeguarding concern. They WILL take it seriously.

School worker here. For a threat like this I would email both the Head and the Chair of Governors and I would also make a report to the safeguarding team at your local authority Children and Young Persons Service. This is a safeguarding concern for a disturbed child. You could even speak to the police. Who knows what’s happening at home. The flip side of this would be that your child will feel protected. Your school have been very lazy with this situation.