Dh's obsession with Christmas

[bumblebeegarden]

As the title suggests dh has an obsession with Christmas.
Not so much when we first met but since having children.
He listens to Christmas songs all year round and has a Christmas count down on his phone all year long.
He is obsessed with going to the shops that have Christmas things out already and looking along the isles in amazement and has already filled the children's stockings in excitement.
He also watches Christmas films all year round with the children.
I'm not sure how healthy this is for the children but it must take the novelty away.

It's fine if he just loves Christmas but my concern is it's something deeper than this, he has no contact with his parents because of abuse he experienced and I'm wondering if it has something nostalgic about it and takes him back to a time when his childhood was happy with the magic and excitement of Christmas?
If this is the case would you try and address this or leave it if it brings comfort?

looking along the isles in amazement and has already filled the children's stockings in excitement

Ick.

So long as buying things isn’t causing money troubles, you can store Christmas items and the DC are still excited for Christmas Eve/Day (rather than totally fed up/worked up to the point of upset) then I’d let him get on with it.

It does sound as if he is trying to create a "magic" which he feels was missing from his own childhood. It would drive me absolutely nuts though, I am not a Christmas fan and would not be able to deal with Noddy Holder on repeat in July. Or even October. And yes, if you're talking about CHristmas and planning it, and buying for it all year round, when it finally rolls around to mid-December it's either a massive anticlimax or just another day.

Well it's not exactly normal behaviour is it? If nothing else Christmas won't be special for your children if they experience it all year round!
Have you sat him down and explained you have had enough of trawling the Christmas aisles whilst he looks around in amazement? I would be putting my foot down before the kids get sick of it.

It sounds a bit over the top for a grown man, and also that your instincts are right - it would probably benefit him to have some therapy to explore what he gets from it, and other ways to feel secure, otherwise January must be a hell of a comedown every year?

If this is the worst thing you can complain about about your husband then I suggest you count yourself lucky and leave him be.

Presumablyubou knew what he was like flbefore having kids and if the kids aren't complaining then just let him be happy.

No issue with Christmas fans, I’m quite a fan of it too but I don’t start obsessing over it until November and I definitely wouldn’t watch a Christmas film or listen to Christmas songs until December. I think your DH is taking it a bit too far…

Why do you need to trawl around the aisles with him? I would leave him to it.

I agree with KnottedTwine, it does sound as if he's trying to fill the gaps in his childhood with things he never had/felt. I wouldn't do anything to diminish that. I have a Christmas-mad husband also. He watches Christmas films whenever he can... and looks a bit lot like the archetypal Father Christmas.

As long as his enjoyment doesn't come at huge cost or impact to your children or yourself, what does it matter?

This has made me feel a bit sorry for him, sounds like he could do with some therapy.

I would think any obsession on this level would be worrying.
I don't know how you can live with it. It just takes the specialness of Christmas away. Quite sad for your children.

I always think MN is very quick to recomend counselling but given that you say your DH suffered abuse as a child I think considering counselling to address issues he has, if he has not already had intervention, would be beneficial.

Sounds more like escapism and the idea of an idealised life rather than nostalgia (based on what you wrote about his childhood). But, whatever the reason, it’s unusual and he does need to ponder on the reason for it, I think.

Me too, SwanBeauty. I'm not a big Christmas fan, I fake it. I'm very glad that I have a de facto Father Christmas on standby, it's easy to join in (in December!).

I'm glad you have nice memories of your Dad and whatever you can cling on to to keep those close to you is a very good thing in my book.

I suspect given the abuse you mention he is trying to over compensate and make it hugely special. Not necessarily in the right way but it is unlikely to be harming them!!

My dad was a shit over Christmas when I was a kid. I remember him coming home in a foul mood and ripping down decorations in my room that we had made previously just because he wanted to lash out. For a long time I hates thw whole Christmas faff, but when i had dd it suddenly felt different. Amd I probably do go ott.

Unless he is causing financial hardship what actual harm is he doing??

Amd as for Christmas films all year...well die hard is always worth a watch 🤣

My husband could’ve typed this about me. I go on about Christmas ALL year long! My children and husband just roll their eyes and laugh.
I’m constantly looking at decorations on the internet and love when the shops finally have their Christmas bits out.
I too have a Christmas Countdown on my phone (unless my son deletes it to play MadFut 😂)
For me it’s mostly nostalgic. I lost my Dad 10 years ago and we had the best family Christmases together. Not excessive in any way but just a lot of fun. But I loved it back then too.
To me, Christmas is magic, fun, cosy and exciting. I love making things magical for my children and I love the decorating the house.

On the whole, I’d say it is pretty harmless and if it does bring him a level of comfort then that’s great. I think there are worse things he could do. I think it’s really lovely that you are concerned though and maybe have a casual chat to see if there is anything more to it.
If you have noticed that the films and songs are taking the novelty away for the children then mention it. If I got the impression that this was the case I wouldn’t want to ruin the magic for mine. I do try not to force my obsession on them 😊

I also had an abusive childhood, and am christmas obsessed.

I've pretty much done my shopping, got my decoration theme planned for the year.

I sometimes stick a Christmas playlist on on May, or have a Christmas film night in July.

I love going round the aisles and garden centres.

There's no harm in it, my dc find it hilarious, and it has never detracted from their excitement of Xmas.

I can't see what harm he is doing.

I absolutely love Christmas but he wld drive me bonkers! It is totally weird. I mean some family members don't like it when I start to mention Christmas in July/August. That's when I can start to enjoy talking about it again.

Did he not have a good upbringing and is trying to relive the magic that he didn't have? In that case I could understand.

Mumsnet bingo. First poster being a nasty unhelpful twat.

Op it could be harmless or it could be something deep rooted. Perhaps try and raise it with him when he is feeling relaxed. He may just love Christmas. I guess as long as he isn't getting into debt and the DC's are not adversely affected, you may have to just accept this as one of his quirks

I also had an abusive childhood, and I also love Christmas 😆 I didn't know this was a pattern.

I think it's sweet, but all year round might dull the excitement a bit, plus where's the opportunity to get excited about other things?

Could you try to redirect his energy into other days/events too like Easter, summer, Halloween etc? He can still decorate, watch themed films etc and the kids will have lovely celebrations all year!

Only on MN.
😉😁😁

Sorry you think my reaction to being amazed by consumer products is 'nasty unhelpful twat'.
I was abused during childhood and don't behave like this, if he's making other people get involved in his obsessive behaviour that's unacceptable.

He's not doing any harm to us no.
I'm worried if he's doing harm to himself by not addressing what could be trauma based which it does sound as though it could be.
I'm sorry you too experienced abuse in your own childhood and are coping in a similar way.
If it brings genuine comfort then there is no reason to be worried but if it's covering pain and trauma and should be addressed was what I meant.

My ex partner, dc dad, is exactly the same The worst of it is that he has never taken anything to do with actually financing or buying anything for the dc Christmas so he just gets them really overexcited about it for months on end while I have to take on all the responsibility and get increasingly stressed about it. The he tells the dc that I am a ‘grinch’ because I don’t like Christmas!

Now we are separated he buys the kids a pile of sweets and cheap toys while I have to be responsible for all the Santa presents that they actually want and so they don’t actually get any presents from ‘me’.

I’m in a couple of minds about this. On the one hand, it sounds fairly harmless and presumably brings him pleasure.

On the other, it rather imposes his idea of Christmas on everyone else. If you were to deviate in some way from his plan for Christmas, what would be his reaction? I am married to someone who has a very fixed idea of what should happen at Christmas (presents in stockings must be wrapped but in different paper from all other presents, presents go under the tree after the children have gone to bed on Christmas Eve as FC brings them). It means that I’m usually rather on edge on Christmas Day itself as I don’t want to wreck this day of massive expectations.

Well, it makes a change from all those men we’ll shortly be hearing about in the run-up to Xmas who do fuck all and leave their wives to do everything. I couldn’t get too worked up about him actually taking some of the effort off you.