AIBU to ask if you know anything about RAF recruitment? Death trigger warning

[comeflywithme1]

My son was wanted to go into the RAF once finished A-Levels's for a long time, on one of their apprenticeship schemes for a trade.

He used to have childhood asthma when he was at Primary school then he gradually grew out of it and no longer needed inhalors. Earlier on this year he was present at the sudden death of his Grandmother who he was really close. It was quite traumatic as we were visiting and she said she had a headache and went for a rest of the bed. She was 72 so not very elderly. When we went to check on her an hour later she was unresponsive and he was present as we did CPR frantically trying to get her heart to start. It was quite an upsetting scene; her bowels opened and her mouth was frothing from the pool saliva and the air from the CPR. Three ambulances turned up due to it being sudden and a relatively young age, so we had about 8 people in the house with lots of attempts to bring her back before she was pronounced dead.

My son was obviously upset from the experience, it was quite a brutal experience of his very first death of a loved one at 16. He coped really well, however, a couple of days later he felt some chest tighness and I took him to the doctors as we thought it was a return of asthma and he was prescribed an inhalor. He took a dose that day and hasn't used it since. The tightness resolved itself and we now think it was some sort of stress reponse as opposed to a return of astham. He's had no symptoms since. I'm really proud of how he coped with the whole situation as he showed true resilience and knuckled down for his GCSE's even though we were dealing with Post Mortems and Coroners at the time and 6 weeks for the funeral.

We are hoping to go to an RAF Open day to learn more about what is available but have now learnt that if you have asthma and have been prescribed an inhalor in the last 4 years then they can treat you as medically unfit? By the time he will be ready to apply it will be only 2 years since this prescription that he didn't need anyway.

I could now kick myself for taking him to the doctors when it clearly wasn't a return of the asthma and now it will potentially jeopordise his plans to apply to the RAF. It's not to become a pilot! Does anyone know whether they would look into the fine details as to why he was prescribed an inhalor and consider that it actually wasn't needed?

The medical tests for the RAF are really stringent. DS was in air cadets and three of his friends applied that he was in cadets with. Two failed, one with an unknown issue that was picked up on the medical and one had an allergy. If he really wants to join I would get him in to a regular job and not apply until he is clear of four years. One of the friends that failed is training to be a commercial pilot at huge expense.

Yup, stringent, and there doesn't seem to be an appeal mechanism! Could he do a degree somewhere in perhaps a related field and then apply after that?

You do need to check formally though ref asthma as some medical interventions (eg childhood allergies) are 'whole life' so one record of an egg allergy at say 2 years of age would mean that they aren't medically fit.

He doesn't have any allergies, just asthma as a child that was sporadic. He would go months at a time not needing any interventions at all until it eventually stopped.

I know you included a trigger warning but did you really have to include those details about the death? Really didn't add anything to your post.

Re the asthma: could your GP write a letter saying that it was a stress response rather than asthma? They'll probably charge but it might be worth a try.

Why not speak to someone who actually knows? Try the RAF website, get a number and chat to someone. Maybe exceptions exist, the recent 'asthma' may be discounted as an artifact.
In fact, the open day would be ideal. The recruitment bod will know
Good luck!

Agree with previous poster, the details in your post are completely unnecessary fgs.

They are quite right to be stringent about asthma and they don't know individual circumstances. Might have more luck with the navy.

Do they get permission from your GP to reveal his private medical details or can he lie and say he hasn't had an inhaler since he was a child?

Very stringent. It sounds like he had a panic attack which would also preclude him from entry.

I'm not offended by the details OP included, it helps to explain why her son had a stress response, and we should talk more about the realitiea of dying.

In all seriousness tho OP, you must remember that the RAF is military. If there were war he'd be in the thick of it. There cannot be a risk that a stressful situation will bring on an asthma attack in those circumstances.

It's frustrating, obviously. But there are other things that he could do over the next 2 years. I suggest you go, talk to them, and tell the truth, and get guidance.

RAF mum here, there is a Facebook page for RAF parents, if I knew how to post the link I would. It's something called RAF Parents of Veterans serving personnel and recruits. It's an incredibly useful group, was a godsend for me when my DS joined. They'll be able to offer you answers I'm sure

You want our military engineers to lie their way in?!

FGS?!

Why did you write all that about the death?
Was it asthma or just childhood wheeziness with infections? Did he have eczema and hayfever ( atopic) - can the Gp clarify?
My son has asthma , not severe but atopic and I wouldn't want him to risk it it's an intense training and asthma is often triggered by exercise and is still a cause of many deaths per year.

Me either. I’d like to point out that over sharing inappropriately is a sign of ptsd which I wouldn’t be surprised to find that the OP has.

its really hard if it triggers your own response but try and be empathetic that someone has experienced trauma and is quite likely still trying to make their peace with that.

plus there’s a great big warning in the title.

If you want reassurance for the RAF you could pay to get a Bupa medical or similar check up that produces a report on his health status which would say he isn’t aromatic and counteract any earlier records. I also was not offended by the OPs details, it made the post a bit more thrilling to read.

I can’t comment on the question you’re asking. However, the fact this was his response to a family member passing which is totally fine, not making any dogs here. Do you think him being in any military type situation is wise?

Probably not helpful but I do like the idea of getting BUPA to confirm DS isn't aromatic.

As a teenager my DS could be pungent at times.

I agree, OP painted a picture of what her son witnessed to understand why it triggered a physical response later on.

I wish I was brave enough to talk to people about all the horrible deaths I have witnessed but people seem to get easily offended and act like shit never happens or don't want to know.

Sorry op, no actual advice on your son's situation and I am sorry you had to go through such a traumatic event.

You won't know until you try but it's highly likely it will cause a problem. The medical vetting is EXTREMELY strict. They need to know that your DS won't be a liability if sent on operations overseas (either from not being fully fit operationally or needing a medivac back to the UK if falling particularly ill).
Even stress induced breathing problems rather than true asthma are a problem. In the middle of an exercise, a sick service person means the loss of several personnel as one or two others are taken out of action to help the casualty (it's why bullets used in most military rifles are sized to cause injury rather than kill outright - a badly wounded enemy takes 3 people off the field whereas a dead one is only 1 person).

And yes, when you apply to join the military, you have to give them permission to access your medical records. They will know your full history and if you're caught lying (which you will be) that's going to cause more harm to your application than the medical issue.

RAF verteran here. The rules are there for a reason. The way you presented, it seems like a stressful event triggered an asthmatic episode in your son. You can expect a lot more stress in the military. If that were to happen on ops, it could put lives in danger, including your sons! You do cannot lie about health conditions, there is too much at stake and, quite frankly, if he was not upfront about his medical history, the lack of integrity would mean the forces wouldn't touch him - they check all this. Still, speak to recruitment, you may still find he is eligible to apply.

I wish people would stop trying to police what others can and can't talk about. It's very common after a traumatic experience to feel compelled to talk about it, often in great detail, as a way of processing the event. OP included a trigger warning. Nobody made any of you read this post.

It's ok to ask. What are you policing those who queried it?

@StMarieforme

Of course I don't want him to lie!

I was asking how do they know about private medical records? Can they request the info from the GP or can a person such as the Op's son lie and they accept the word of the recruit! 🙄

@DeCaray - yes. You have to give permission for the military to access your medical records when you apply. Your GP has to complete a comprehensive form and if further follow-up is needed, they have full access to delve in further. You also complete a health form and if you lie on this, they will find out when they go into your records and your application would be terminated anyway because you lied. Much better to be vague but honest and see where it leads.

As I understand it from DH, there is no leeway at all on the medical standards. I’m glad there isn’t because you are ultimately risking other people’s lives if you lie. I also don’t think that your explanation of what happened will help your son in his application.

He would be better to do a degree then commission in after his degree, hoping that he isn’t prescribed an inhaler within the time frame. Alternatively I know quite a few civilians that work on RAF bases on planes engineering roles.