To think it is rude that my friend still hasn't read my message

[Passionfruitpunch1]

I sent my friend a message 5 weeks ago and she still hasn't read it, yet I can see that she is online.
It was just a general chit chat message but I can see that she hasn't even opened it. There aren't any issues between us that I'm aware of.
AIBU to find this pretty disrespectful?

Why don't you message her again and ask how she's doing instead of stewing over something so silly for five weeks? The message may not have gone through, she may not have noticed it, who knows, but why you wouldn't first try to reach out again is just really bizarre.

She probably didn't want to leave you on read and dismissed the alert to read and reply later only to forget all about it. If your chat has slid down the list and she has unread messages in group chats and the likes then she probably doesn't even realise.

Rude, yes, but if there are no issues between you it's likely accidentally rude. These things happen.

Have you maybe checked that after FIVE WEEKS she's OK and not ill, injured or otherwise not able to respond?

'Accidentally rude' after 5 weeks? Sorry I don't buy that. However..if she's not someone in regular touch it can happen but then I wouldn't bother again. If it was a close friend then I'd be very bothered by that. Saying 'life gets in the way' is a bit of a get out clause, 24 hours response? Ok that's not terrible but 5 weeks ffs

Not reading/responding to messages is rude full stop. I think people who think it's ok to do this, or make excuses for those who do this are probably those who are guilty of doing it themselves.

You don't respond = you're not bothered = you're not friends!

DH is a nightmare for this. He'll see that he has messages but he'll have something to do so he'll vow to reply later and never does. He's even worse on WhatsApp as he only installed it for a stag do chat, then they were always chatting when he was working so he muted the whole app and I'll get people asking me weeks later if he got a message and he hasn't even had a clue that he got one.

Has she got form for this?

Call her. If she doesn't respond to that either, she's not interested.

Can't be that close of a friend if you haven't otherwise been in touch in 5 weeks?

I think most of us have probably been guilty of seeing a notification on our phones, thinking we'll reply later and than forgetting about it. Would easily be remedied in a day or two tops with a close friend, the fact your last contact was 5 weeks ago is pretty telling.

I fucking hate people who do this, it’s so fucking rude. I had a close friend ignore and not read my message I sent to her for many many days, after I had done so much for her for months. Shes apologised and I’ll let it go once, but again and that’s it for me.

If it's a WhatsApp message, I can see them on my notification screen without clicking into the app and then them being marked as read. I'll put my hands up and say sometimes I forget to respond if I do this.

However, it would never get to 5 weeks with me being in touch with any of my close friends. I think you'll need to provide more information on how close your friendship is.

It's possible that it's slipped to the bottom of her messages and she hasn't realised.

My husbands phone is always going non stop so most often he misses our messages because most recent ones show up higher.

We all know to ring him if we need an instant reply to something instead of sending a message.

If its whatsapp, it's also possible that her phone may have just wiped all the messages. It happens to me sometimes. All the chats/messages just disappear completely.

There could be other reasons. Why not ring her?

She might have noticed the original notification pop up, and meant to reply later but forgot. I don't see why people get worked up about it. If you need to speak with her urgently you could always call her.

I've done this on numerous occasions accidentally, sometimes I can get 30+ messages in a day and suddenly if I've not checked my phone for a few hours and the older ones have gone out of sight it's easily done. Or if I've jit wanted to mark one as read as I'll forget to reply, then I've forgotten all together! Just message her again and don't overthink it.

This gives me such anxiety. I have friends I love dearly but life is busy and I don't always reply to their messages, WhatsApp or other. They're the same with me.
It's really not rude, it's just having life stuff to deal with.

Do it all the time. You can read the message without the ticks confirming. I've read the message! And by the way my phone will show as online even when its next to me on sleep.

Luckily I have friends who are the same as me! We're very free with each other

This! ^ Your thread is batshit @Passionfruitpunch1 You are still stewing about this and letting it live rent free in your head?! The fact that a friend didn't read a message you sent FIVE WEEKS AGO! 😆

Have you seriously not messaged again to see if she got your message, or rang her to see if she's OK? Unbelievable. What ludicrous behaviour from you!

I would have messaged again a day or two later, and then phoned her another 2-3 days after that - if she still didn't respond to my second message!

.

I'm a nightmare for doing exactly what someone uothread has said- dismissing the notification because I don't want it to be seen to be 'read' when I don't have the time/capacity to respond.
However (embarrassingly) my friends know me well enough to message me again if need be 🙈

This is why i turned blue ticks off and also active is off.
No one knows when im online or if i read the messages.
If im needed call me or text my phone dont use SM or whatsapp as i may not get back to you for some time.

Clever.

Can you imagine what it was like pre-mobile phones? You sent someone a message written by hand on the back of a postcard, and unless they sent one back (or phoned you on a landline or met you in person), you would never know if they’d read it or not!

I love sms and WhatsApp, but this kind of silliness goes some way towards persuading me that some people today have lost the ability or good sense to function in human society!

Some of you invest too much time in if someone read a message

I'm shit at replying. I open a message, think "Oh I should reply" then don't. Luckily my friends are the same. And in 5 weeks I'll either have seen them or they'll have sent another message ...

In my world, people are increasingly treating WhatsApp like email, leaving things unread or archiving so they can come back to them, and ending up with many unread messages and a loss of the sense of urgency we all had not long ago. I think it’s quite healthy actually, I bet she doesn’t mean it rudely and I bet it’s just becoming how she interacts with WhatsApp/texts. Try not to take it personally, modern life is fucking overwhelming.

I get a lot of WhatsApp messages and sometimes I'll have days where I don't really look at my phone and there could be a dozen messages. Sometimes I'll get into conversations and the messages at the bottom might get missed and it might take weeks to actually see them. It isn't malicious or rude. It's just an oversight.

Write her a letter

😄😄