AIBU my sister only talks about her child?

[notanothernamechange2024]

My sister is driving me insane. We don't spend much time together at all (generally only meet at our parents for family occasions) but every time we do meet, she cannot talk about anything other than her child. It would be nice to hear how my nephew is getting on, but I'd really love to also be able to talk about something/ANYTHING else. Its just a constant monologue about her child and its so relentless I'm starting to dread seeing her.

We both have toddlers (hers is nearly a year older). When in her presence, all she talks about is her child - what he currently will and wont eat; what percentile he now is for height; what he's doing at nursery etc etc etc. There is no normal trading of information i.e. asking about or even listening to anything about my child for instance. If I say anything about my child, she will immediately reply with what her child did/does etc. And makes comments about how toddlers behave / development etc as if I don't also have one. She spent my child's entire family gathering/mini party talking about her son. She commandeers group conversation and makes it all about him. Its not even that I particularly feel the need to talk about my child instead - but for my own sanity I'd just like to be able to have a conversation about something that's completely unrelated to our children. So I've started just limiting how much I talk to her and try to talk to other family members when we are together.

Its becoming more and more noticeable that she can't engage in normal conversation anymore - there is no asking how are you (hasn't once asked how my pregnancy is going for instance and I'm due next month 😂) or discussion of even herself, her husband, job etc things that would be more interesting to hear about. I'd love her to talk about literally anything else at all to break the monotony, of what I now term "The [childs name] Monologue".

I understand how your child might become your sole focus on conversation for awhile, and I certainly feel I experienced that when on maternity leave. But this has been going on for years now.

AIBU to find this so intensely irritating!? And how on earth do I get her to stop!?

Call her out on it. Or yawn loudly. Can’t bear people who go on and on about their children. Literally the most boring thing to have to endure.

That is weird! Do you think she feeling a bit unfulfilled/has sort of built her entire identity around her child? Is she generally happy (regardless of children)?

I would have to tell her what she was doing.

She works and is a long-time volunteer with a children's activity group. On the surface, she is someone who has a life outside of her child (will happily leave them in someone else's case to go on holiday for example). She is the person I would have felt least likely to have this issue. I don't know if its just in family situations she does this, and is normal the rest of the time? She has some history of anxiety / depression.

My friend went through something similar when she was SAHM for 4 years. Towards the end it moved from talking about her son to talking about all our classmates lives, details of which she picked up online. It was a very dark time for her, she felt isolated, self-conscious and generally unhappy and she was a bit hard to deal with. She recognises it now 15 years later.
I never called her out on that, it was just a phase.

I think I could get it more if she was a SAHM, but she works full time, and has other things in her life.

Can you say something like ‘let’s not talk about the children for a while, I need a break from them’?

Or do it back to her. Drone on about your own dc and pregnancy. Cut her off every time she starts about her dc.

Every.single.time.

If you have to put your hand up and say ‘there are literally a million things in the world that we could talk about, why the same boring broken record?’ - please do it. So bloody socially unaware!
I bet her partner is not the same.

'Deborah, it's lovely to hear about Benjy but it's all you talk about. How are YOU? What do you think about (insert topic of your choice). Let's talk about something else other than the children."

We’re not talking about a school mum here, we’re talking about your sister. You surely are able to have a quiet word with her? I would just mention that you’d love to spend time with her 1-1 but please can we leave the toddler chat, you miss rambling about other things in your lives.

As someone who also has a toddler I understand he is my main priority but when I’m with family / friends I don’t go on talking about him constantly.

Her partner is normal. I keep wondering why on earth he hasn't said something to her. But then I also see the rest of my families eyes glazing over (my dad has actually fallen asleep during the monologue 😂) and not saying anything.

She can be a bit funny when you disagree / challenge her on things. My mother said recently that she doesn't understand why my sister acts/talks so defensively about her toddlers screen use for example, when no one in the family has passed comment on it / is judging that. But yes, the time might come that more direct redirection of the conversation like @DeCaray has suggested.

Hahahahaha the image of your dad sleeping and nobody else talking is hilarious. It’s like a tv sketch (although not a very entertaining one. @DeCaray is way more polite than me.
I’d have been telling her straight ages ago.

Why on earth haven't you said something? I mean it's your sister! Just say you'd like to talk about something else - and have something prepared to talk about (not your child which will just bring her back to her own).
In a group, why not say 'that's great to hear that he's doing so well. Mum when are you guys thinking of going on holiday next year/whats up with your crazy neighbour/are you thinking of XYZ' - anything to bring in a new topic and allow someone else to talk!
She only monopolises the conversation because you let her.

It’s totally boring when someone bangs on about their kids, because no one cares.

Just tell her to change the record.

My worse nightmare is having someone bang on and on about their kids.
A few words fine but then shut up.

Many years ago i had a mate of a mate who called herself queen mum that would do it none stop and tell me how i must be missing out on so much because i dont have the joy of a child in my life.
I just smiled and shook my head but she would go on and on and on not just to me but to others every time we met-up.
We got sick of it no matter what other kids done her child did better then a whole talk as to why her child was better.
It was awful.
Her kid was so spiteful and rude to her she saw an angel.
She stopped talking to me when i spoke up one day not my finest moment but i said FOR GOD SAKE CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT YOU BRAT FOR ONE DAY.
She left in a huff and stopped talking to me thank god.
My friend ive been mates with for years said well you did us all a favour.

Fast forward said child is an out of control teen now and queen mum went on to have 2 more kids but dosent say much about her angel anymore or even the other 2 kids.

I think it’s not that unusual- I notice it more now my youngest is 10, I know a lot of people with toddlers and their whole everything is what the child has said/ done/ how they’re getting on etc. I think a lot more people do than don’t and in the future you might even realise you did it a lot yourself!!(I definitely did!!!)

Do you have a cat/dog/goldfish/hamster OP? If you do, start taking the mick and prepare a monologue about how wonderful the cat/dog/goldfish/hamster is. Really embellish it.
Oh I would have so much fun in your position 🤣🤣🤣

There must be something up if she has a full and normal life but can't stop talking about her child. It's totally weird that she hasn't asked you about your pregnancy.

If she wasn't always like this (just a boring, self absorbed person) I'd have to assume something is really wrong or she's unhappy somehow? Unusual presentation of PPD maybe?

I don't think you'll get very far directly saying she talks about her kid too much as it's sort of subjective, but perhaps you might get somewhere using the fact she hasn't even asked how you are with your pregnancy?

If she has a history if depression perhaps having to get herself up to care for her child is the one area that gives her purpose and a focus to deal with the depression and that is why her conversation is also focused on him. It may be the one thing keeping her above water.

Yes. Every single time.

‘Reward’ with attention when she talks about something else. ‘Punish’ by looking bored/changing the subject/saying ‘Must dash — washing my hair tonight’’ if she monologues about her child.

My sister in law was like that. Absolutely no other topic of conversation other than her babies. And she was thrilled she had girl babies as she really didn’t like boys. I avoided her for years. Now she has granddaughters. Lord above, it has all started again. Unbelievably boring.

It's your sister! Just tell her.
"It's really boring hearing about little Bernard all the time, sis, can't we talk about something else?"

I really don't get people that do this.

My children are my absolute world and I am a 'mumsy mum ' - I love the bones off of them! BUT, they are MY world and my DH's and we talk to each other about them all the time - but that's where it stops really.

I don't even send family endless pics , because, well they see them!

I barely mention my children at work (as I'm at work!!) and that's my little world to cherish. I'm incredibly interested in them - but I have the social awareness to know that to other people, my family isn't particularly interesting- let only the minituae of their particulars!! Same way I couldn't care less about the minituae of my colleagues kids ! It's boring!

I know she's your sister not a colleague, but it's still boring hearing all about percentiles and weaning and what have you - unless it's your own child! I think people that do this do just lack social awareness, surely ?

No advice, but I do totally get where you're coming from. It is very dull and tedious.

Next time you see her, go with a list of conversation topics (what you've watched on Netflix, current affairs, how her work is going, ask about friends etc) and just keep changing the subject every time she starts droning on about her child! Look upon it as a challenge - see how long you can engage her in conversation about other things! Then you can say 'I've really enjoyed chatting to you today, sometimes I feel like all we talk about is the kids! It's nice to chat about you and what's going on with you'.