AIBU my sister only talks about her child?

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My sister is driving me insane. We don't spend much time together at all (generally only meet at our parents for family occasions) but every time we do meet, she cannot talk about anything other than her child. It would be nice to hear how my nephew is getting on, but I'd really love to also be able to talk about something/ANYTHING else. Its just a constant monologue about her child and its so relentless I'm starting to dread seeing her.

We both have toddlers (hers is nearly a year older). When in her presence, all she talks about is her child - what he currently will and wont eat; what percentile he now is for height; what he's doing at nursery etc etc etc. There is no normal trading of information i.e. asking about or even listening to anything about my child for instance. If I say anything about my child, she will immediately reply with what her child did/does etc. And makes comments about how toddlers behave / development etc as if I don't also have one. She spent my child's entire family gathering/mini party talking about her son. She commandeers group conversation and makes it all about him. Its not even that I particularly feel the need to talk about my child instead - but for my own sanity I'd just like to be able to have a conversation about something that's completely unrelated to our children. So I've started just limiting how much I talk to her and try to talk to other family members when we are together.

Its becoming more and more noticeable that she can't engage in normal conversation anymore - there is no asking how are you (hasn't once asked how my pregnancy is going for instance and I'm due next month 😂) or discussion of even herself, her husband, job etc things that would be more interesting to hear about. I'd love her to talk about literally anything else at all to break the monotony, of what I now term "The [childs name] Monologue".

I understand how your child might become your sole focus on conversation for awhile, and I certainly feel I experienced that when on maternity leave. But this has been going on for years now.

AIBU to find this so intensely irritating!? And how on earth do I get her to stop!?

Sister of my best friend was similarly obsessed with her DS. She is a super anxious person, previously depressed and suicidal. She married an introvert who withdrew + never helped with the child. She hugely struggled with motherhood, always unsure of herself and poured her anxiety into being obsessed with her DS. She continously fussed over him + constantly boasted about his achievements in his earshot. He developed social anxiety as a child + selectively mutism. He is now 18 + they have a special bond. They give off creepy couple vibes. She has never encouraged his independence + DS barely leaves home.
The even sadder story is her younger child. Mum never fully bonded as DS was so jealous. For her whole life DD has been treated as 2nd best. DD is now 13, has eating disorder, doesn't attend school + has mental health issues.
The above cannot begin to fully explain how truly messed up this mum + her kids are. I hope their story means you won't shy away from trying to figure out what is going on under the surface for your sister. Her obsessive focus on her son may not just be at family gatherings, it may be at home too and the behaviour could really impact your nephews development of his own independence.
Also good luck with your baby!

You can't change your sister.
Most likely it will pass.

I'm currently on mat leave 2 and I feel like I'm constantly apologising to my friends for not having anything else to talk about other than my kids at the moment because I literally don't do anything else at the moment. I feel like I'm living vicariously through my friends so I don't forget what being a functioning adult is all about. Maybe she's just not very aelf-aware? It's easier than I thought it would be to lose yourself to motherhood though.

The term Karen is offensive.

She mentioned her history to give background on why she might be doing this.

You don't have to be mean.

This reminds me of baby groups when all the mums wrnt on about babies 24/7. Understandable but yawn.

I could be a bit like that, my toddler took over my life completely and I think I was still struggling with the change to my life, it was like I had shell shock for 2 years, also I wasn’t sleeping so what little mental energy I had was spent obsessing over the toddler. It’ll pass.

Exactly, I’m not even a child enthusiast but you can get lost so easily.

What happens if you change the subject?

I have a good friend who does this. I get a beauty treatment done by her every couple of weeks so kind of forced to spend time with her (no, going elsewhere is not an option) and I have to mentally prepare myself not to get irritated by it. My child is about 9 months older than hers so kind of reaching milestones, etc before hers but she will endlessly tell me about her child and what’s going on as if I’ve never seen a toddler before. Never asks about mine, never tries to make anything relatable. Just wants to talk about her child always. She also works a lot so isn’t a case of being 24/7 SAHM.
My friend can be quite touchy so I chose to not make it an issue and hope she will ease off a bit at some point. Until then I just try to change the subject

I think it you've bought up a really good point there.

A woman I know has an adult son that she in completely unhealthily enmeshed with. Together they destroyed his marriage spectacularly and now they're completely isolated to an unhealthy degree - just him and her. His growth is so stunted it's painful and now she'll forever have the burden of a 50 odd your old man child to worry about. The woman in question I suspect is deeply damaged pre children and made this son her whole life, put him on a pedestal,made him believe he could do no wrong, obsessed over him and created a monster. It's actually very sad because he thinks his mum is the best mum you could ever ask for. I see a mum through her own selfish needs has utterly destroyed the life and future of a man.

Absolutely.

It's not healthy to be so enmeshed 😏 and actually you've just described my ex and the relationship he has with his mum.

OP; if your sister is an anxious type and has had depression etc is there any chance she's just completely lost herself with said child? Perhaps having a child is her only way of 'fitting in' to what society wants? I know it's boring to hear it all, constantly but I feel like there's more to it and perhaps your sister is struggling?

I'm not a natural mummy by any means, I never was, but, they did become the biggest and hugest part of my life, because for the first time in my life I felt I belonged somewhere in the world. I know now it wasn't healthy but at the time I didn't see it.

This might be a bit left field OP as you haven’t mentioned it and your post doesn’t scream of it.

But does your sister do this because of some kind of rivalry for attention within the family dynamic. Particularly as you are pregnant is she afraid baby will get all the attention?

Maybe left field as I said, she’s likely just obsessed with her child which I think to a point is a normal phase at that age with a first child.

It’s all she’s got going on.

Sounds like you rarely see her. So just chill.

if you want to stop it, try shifting focus. Invite her on a fun run, inflatable or color or something like that, do n something that gives her a new story, gets her out of the mommy funk.

My sister is exactly the same, her DC is 10 and this "phase" still hasn't passed. I do the same as you and just don't see her as much as I used to as it's just so tedious.

Perhaps she feels guilty for having to work full time so feels the need to over compensate by seeming super onto what her dc is doing. If you are just about to go onto maternity leave she might be feeling jealous and upset you are going to get to spend time with your dc’s and she has to work? Im still grieving the fact that financially we cant have a second child and im sure ive had a few “off” interactions that are pretty much unrelated to the person im talking to and entirely coloured by how im feeling about things beyond my control. So yes have a converation but perhaps approach it with a bit more sympathy than some previous posters suggest x

Hmm I was going to ask if she could be depressed or suffering with anxiety. I was like this for a long time after I had my dd, for me it was a sort of nervous thing. I was trying to hide how ill I was, I realise that looking back. Sometimes the only way to survive with ppd is tune completely in to your child so you can meet their needs and to try to distract yourself from how you feel. It can then get very hard to focus on anything else.