I can't help her, can I?

[Coffeeandcrocs]

I am presented with a very uncomfortable situation and just need some other voices to hopefully confirm what I'm doing is the right thing.

In short, DD's DF ( ex DP of 9 years ) married a woman from Canada who came over on a spousal visa 6 years ago after a long distance relationship. DD loved her and I really liked her too, we would communicate regularly and even have coffee together. She was a fantastic step parent and I really appreciated her presence and input into DDs life.

When she renewed her visa application, it asked about DD and their relationship and I had to provide an email confirming that ex DP had parental responsibility and stating his wife cared for our child x nights a week alongside him.

Last August, she left him after discovering he had been cheating on her leopards don't change their spots it seems . I was the first person she called when she discovered this, I ordered her comfort and words of wisdom having been in the same situation myself, also choosing to know my worth and leave.

They have remained married but she moved out of their property a few weeks after the separation and she has now moved on with her life, no chance of reconciliation. She is settled here, has a good friendship network, a good career and has no desire to go back to Canada and we keep in touch but do not speak often. Her relationship with DD had naturally fizzled and she and ex DP have a very strained relationship now.

Here is my issue :

She has contacted me saying she now needs to apply for leave to remain and the application is asking about DD again, specifically about responsibility as before. She has said she knows it's an uncomfortable situation for everyone but that she would appreciate it if I could send an email like last time for the application, Ex DP would need to do the same.

I can't do it can I? Morally I am very conflicted and really feel for her situation and the situation he has put her in but I can't see a way I can support her with this application without lying and committing what I think is a criminal offence.

(Added by MNHQ at request of OP) *exDH and her are still married til her leave to remain is granted.

YABU - you should just write the email
YANBU - no, you are right. You cannot help

Wrong. We did ILR 6 weeks ago. True they probably don't actually need a letter from OP specifically, but they absolutely do require a long list of evidence of a cohabiting relationship.

The long list of evidence, when you are married, is a council tax, joint bank account, any bills, rental agreement or house ownership. If only one name is on the paperwork, then it could be a problem, but when everything is joint, then you don't need a long list of evidence

You can't write lies.

The best you can do for her is to say nothing.

I think she has a bit of a cheek to be honest, she dropped out of your DD’s life after what, 6 years and is now asking you to lie for her own benefit? No way would I do that.

Thank you for all of your comments and sharing your opinions. It seems the vast majority agree with my thinking that I cannot send any statements and the best thing to do is just say no.

My daughter is my priority, always. As much as my relationship with her dad is amicable, I have been doing damage control now for 9 years and I am cross that I have been put in this situation. He has not asked me to write anything and when I communicated it with him, he said there was zero expectation from him for me to be involved in this situation at all.

Some details have been changed in my post, the home country being one of them. The life in the UK test has been taken and passed.

You can get in serious trouble for this, tell her you're not prepared to lie

If you do provide the letter it's fraud. She doesn't have a relationship with dd. Not sure your dd would appreciate being used to carry out great. I'm glad you're saying no.

Absolutely not. You 100% must not do this. You could get into a lot of trouble, and there is no “fudge” middle ground you can take.

She doesn’t have any responsibility for your DGD any more. That’s it - you’ve said their relationship has “fizzled”.

Dont put your good name on the line for this.

Xs main commitments and ties are to XH.
X has a good relationship with our daughter also.

I'd stay very non committal.

I think this would be nice to do. Whether it helps her application or not, it might help her. It’s so sad she fell for him too :(

Immigration lawyer here - there should be no reason why she should need anything from you in relation to her application. It might be nice to have a letter from the other parent confirming that she spends time with them, but it should not have any legal relevance to her application at all. I have routinely applied for visas for spouses where the British partner has a child, and nothing is required from the other parent at all. The form does ask some stupid questions about how much custody access the applicant has, but that's not legally required if the basis of the application is on the relationship with the British partner.

The only way it could make a difference is if she is making an application under the Private Life rules e.g. stating that it would be detrimental to the child were she to have to leave the UK. In that case I think it would be fine for you to include a letter saying that her departure would have a negative effect on your child's life, if you think that is true.. but I certainly wouldn't be putting anything in the letter that you know not to be true e.g. that they are all living together as a family.

If she is trying to obtain ILR on the basis of being in a subsisting relationship with a British citizen then that is a fraudulent application, as unfair as that is to her given the situation was not of her own making.

I think this is good. There is a way to do it without lying.

Perfect answer

I'd just write it.

Let's face it, she is you several years ago. Ok so it's not strictly speaking gospel truth but who the hell will know? You could give her a huge hand up by doing it and would knock her right back down if you didn't. Remember how you felt when he berayed your trust, how would you have felt to have to leave your whole life because of what he did, and the one person who could have prevented that chose not to?

It will cost you nothing and will give her what she needs.

I think you should advise her to get an immigration lawyer. I think she should be honest that she is married, they are currently separated and working on their relationship.

The home office will be able to see she has a new address, and he doesn't, if she has anything AT ALL in her name there.

Is your ex-DP British or a EU National?