I can't help her, can I?

[Coffeeandcrocs]

I am presented with a very uncomfortable situation and just need some other voices to hopefully confirm what I'm doing is the right thing.

In short, DD's DF ( ex DP of 9 years ) married a woman from Canada who came over on a spousal visa 6 years ago after a long distance relationship. DD loved her and I really liked her too, we would communicate regularly and even have coffee together. She was a fantastic step parent and I really appreciated her presence and input into DDs life.

When she renewed her visa application, it asked about DD and their relationship and I had to provide an email confirming that ex DP had parental responsibility and stating his wife cared for our child x nights a week alongside him.

Last August, she left him after discovering he had been cheating on her leopards don't change their spots it seems . I was the first person she called when she discovered this, I ordered her comfort and words of wisdom having been in the same situation myself, also choosing to know my worth and leave.

They have remained married but she moved out of their property a few weeks after the separation and she has now moved on with her life, no chance of reconciliation. She is settled here, has a good friendship network, a good career and has no desire to go back to Canada and we keep in touch but do not speak often. Her relationship with DD had naturally fizzled and she and ex DP have a very strained relationship now.

Here is my issue :

She has contacted me saying she now needs to apply for leave to remain and the application is asking about DD again, specifically about responsibility as before. She has said she knows it's an uncomfortable situation for everyone but that she would appreciate it if I could send an email like last time for the application, Ex DP would need to do the same.

I can't do it can I? Morally I am very conflicted and really feel for her situation and the situation he has put her in but I can't see a way I can support her with this application without lying and committing what I think is a criminal offence.

(Added by MNHQ at request of OP) *exDH and her are still married til her leave to remain is granted.

YABU - you should just write the email
YANBU - no, you are right. You cannot help

It's not your mess for get involved in.

Do NOT go lying on official documents as it has the potential to land you in hot water.

You either refuse to email, or email saying that as she is no longer with your ex DP then your daughter has very little contact with her and therefore no responsibility.

I would do it, I dont think it affects your life so much but could massively affect hers. Esp as she isnt actually the OW and has been so great with your DD for a number of years which mustve brought you a lot of comfort

I’m not clear why she needs an email from you. If your ex and she are pretending they are still married, why does it matter what her relationship is to your DD? Can’t he lie in the email if he wants to and say that she’s close to his daughter? I would just say that you’re not prepared to lie and that you don’t want to get involved as you know the application is fraudulent due to their relationship breaking down.

Or, as they aren’t averse to lying, could they say that your DD no longer stays at his house? Surely a spousal visa is based on the spousal relationship?

It's tricky. Had it been more recent, I would have no qualms with a little white lie. But it's been over a year. My biggest concern with lying is whether or not they managed to keep up the pretence in every other aspect the HO will look at? I would just decline involvement, if they're prepared they should be able to produce enough evidence without you.

I wouldn't. You'd be committing fraud. Might never be questioned, but you won't regret saying something you haven't said.
How about looking up the potential consequences of lying? Fine? Police record? And she'd be deported anyway.

This isn't your fight.

It's not a character reference. The HO are looking for evidence of a genuine relationship - being involved with step kids can be proof of this.

Also being deported back to Canada doesn’t sound too terrible tbh. If she was from the Democratic Republic of the Congo then okay but sometimes you have to accept that you can’t live in the country you want to.

Nope.
say to her that you respect her and like her, but she is at risk home office will discover that she is no longer living with spouse, and that she is no longer care giver for your DD and that DD and hers relationship has fizzled out. You cannot therefore lie in document to home office. You are not being asked by home office to support her application, it was a nice to have previously. There is no need for it and no need for you to lie.

or just say no- I can’t do that. It is a complete sentence.

I would just agree not to speak to them at all and say nothing/ignore if they contact you about her application.

If they are going to get divorced once it has been granted then nobody can be sure that they would not catch the attention of someone and it starts getting looked into further. Then you'd be dragged into a world of stress and trouble...for a problem your ex created.

It's sad, but not for you to fix.

I think you have to tell the truth tbh

Could you be really vague/factual and just say "DD is the daughter of Mr ExCheatingBastard, who is married to Mrs LatestCheatingVictim. DD stays with her father at Address X days per week. Due to the nature of my relationship with my ex-husband, I cannot verify who is present during her visits."

I wouldn't be lying directly in my responses, no matter how much I liked her.

Let xDP write what he wants to write, but you would be better off not being involved. She's quite cheeky asking you, knowing that you'd not be telling the truth, potentially causing problems for yourself.

Yeah I’d do this. You’re not lying by saying this. Just say that you have no contact at all with your ex so have no idea who stays when at his place.

I had to go through the whole process too. I don't understand why they ever needed your letter neither for visa nor for ILR. The Home Office requirements are their marriage certificate and proof of his income.

They require far more than that? Did you go through the process recently?

I wouldn’t. What happens if you do and they do a spot check on the application (because that does happen) and you and DD get dragged further into it?

They’re also fooling themselves if they think the HO don’t look at divorces post application for settlement have been granted

I have some experience of immigration and I wouldn't put myself on the line in this situation. It isn't worth the ramifications that could potentially come back and bite you in the arse. You'd be lying and supporting their claim that they're still married.

I absolutely wouldn’t lie to the immigration service-it’s just not worth it.

No, I don't count filling paperwork about long dead granny and giving fingerprints , proof of address in the UK etc etc . It's nothing to do with OP's daughter. Legally, the child has no connection to step mother. Surely, the new wife hasn't got her visa as a baby sitter or carer. ,

As difficult as it is, I couldn't lie especially to immigration services in these circumstances. I do g know what the process is, but what if they asked for evidence or wanted to interview you. This is a legal process and lying is fraud/deceit.

As someone who has sadly had experience of the Visa system, 100% do not do this. If the 2 of them are claiming they haven't separated, they're just straight-up breaking the law and it's extremely unfair to even ask you to be embroiled in it. It's also extremely likely they'll be found out if she's moved out - the home office will want a raft of evidence that the relationship still exists (photos, social media, text messages, multiple letters of confirmation) and she'd have to have kept her address listed as your ex's place at work and on any admin (bank, doctor, etc) for it not to come up, for starters. It's a shit situation, but not yours to fix!

Don't get involved. This is something the Home Office will be very wise to - staying together 'officially' until the leave to remain comes through, then the entirely unexpected and very sad separation - applications will be scrutinised and you really don't want to get involved in immigration fraud.

The most you could justifiably do is a factual letter, confirming that it is your understanding that this woman remains legally married to your ex-partner. Honestly, though, I'd steer well clear.

Of course you shouldn’t do it. It’s not your problem. Don’t make it so.

It doesn't make sense. The Home Office is checking for potential fraud only on the first visa application, that is why they require proof of the relationship like pictures, internet conversations etc. For ILR after 6 years of marriage, you don't provide all these documents. For the citizenship, you have to pass Life in the UK test and English exam ( not for Canadians of course). You don't have to stay married by this point. The story doesn't make sense to me at all.